Go! Go! No Surrender!

Drawer

2010-03-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

기억, 사상, 평화, 고독, 희망, 환상, 집착, 사랑, 구원, 파괴, 이별, 미련, 영혼, 자긍, 슬픔, 도전. Epilogue.

Remember, history, peace, solitude, hope, fantasy, obsession, love, salvation, destruction, separation, regret, soul, self-conceit, sadness, challenge. Epilogue.

the butterfly effect

2010-02-21T15:20:00.002+08:00

Okay, so we're doing 'The Sound of Thunder' by Ray Bradbury (lol I was like Rad Braybury) for English right now, kind of like analyzing it for Literature except we're doing stuff like vocabulary and comprehension instead of writing Literature 'PEEL' essays. In any case, it finally occurred to me after reading the whole story/excerpt for the comprehension bit that he actually used a butterfly, as the thing that causes a great ripple effect, instead of say something like a mouse.

And I remembered watching a movie a bunch of years back featuring Ashton Kutcher titled none other than 'The Butterfly Effect' where he could go back into the past by reading his adolescent journals to make changes to it. There was a whole lot of hooha about it and every time he made a change in his past, it changed his whole future from that point. There were various endings to the movie, but the one that I watched was the one where he went back to the time when he was still a foetus in his mother's womb and strangled himself to death. Prior to his birth, his mother had two miscarriages (both of which were sons). His father had the same ability to change the past (though his method was through watching videos of the past, if I remember correctly) and he kept trying to save his previous sons. In any case, this particular ending of the film makes the main character played by Ashton Kutcher not the cause of the butterfly effect but rather the effect itself.

This just clicked into my head while I re-read the ending of the story/excerpt. In any case, while the butterfly effect was first (assumingly, though there may have been prior works that were not noted or maybe the idea had formulated in the mind of another author but had never been written by the author) written in literature by Ray Bradbury, it seems the actual term 'butterfly effect' was coined later by American mathematician and meteorologist Edward Norton Lorenz.

Cool stuff man, we're reading up on meteorological theories without even knowing. ;D In any case, I read from Wikipedia (my best friend) that Edward Lorenz actually had this theory that a seagull flapping its wings in some faraway beach in say Brazil might cause a tornado in say somewhere else faraway like Japan. Which is cool. You running on the streets with a piece of cardboard might cause a typhoon in Indonesia! O:

Yeah, I'm just really fascinated by this 'butterfly effect' theory and I think it would be cool to write something based on that theory. The 'butterfly effect' might have been known as the 'seagull effect' though, had Edward Lorenz not traded the initial example of a seagull flapping its wings into the more poetic (says the world) butterfly flapping its wings. I feel like the timeline written by Ray Bradbury was a little... unrealistic and incorrect. It wasn't flawless and I think it could have been written better, but nonetheless, it was a very enjoyable read. Eckels seems like a fat man with a moustache who is really rich but good-for-nothing. I never really liked people who go hunting for animals. Honestly, they have lives too, you know! And families! It's selfish to hunt them down and take them away from their happy lives. :/

I don't really know if the version we're reading in the compilation book, 'A Sense of Belonging', contains the full story or some excerpt of 'The Sound of Thunder' but I would also have enjoyed it more if Ray Bradbury hadn't been so stingy on descriptions on his characters and the shift in settings. There was no indication of two other hunters in the beginning, until they're suddenly in the Time machine and suddenly being transported to the Past. I figure that it is probably because its a short story, so less time for description and etc. or maybe it was just the way Ray Bradbury writes. I write like that too. D;

I think I would like to find more works by Ray Bradbury and read up on him more. It's kind of interesting to observe the flaws and finer parts of a story and then to observe the writing style of the author.

And now I'm hungry so... yeah. I shall leave this here. Random post is random and meaningless.

★,
Julle 주월

with all my heart

2010-02-19T23:45:00.002+08:00

I need to read Thea's LJ more often. I shall bookmark it and visit it everyday and read her posts and feel more encouraged to study. I need to get some motivation. And nts: mint shampoo does bad things to my hair.

I need to wake up early tomorrow to shower with my sister's shampoo, or have fucked up hair the whole of Saturday tuition, which will not be tolerated because I totally hate having dry hair. :/

On another note, I wish my fats would just evaporate. I'm seriously considering liposuction. Then again, being fat just shows that I'm not taking care of my health and my body. I should go running more often, albeit I don't know where to go running. I mean, most people are fine with just running in public, but I'm not. I do not want to be seeing people or be seen by people when I'm trying to lose my fats. I don't really like running in public where people can see me, especially if I'm in some random shirt and shorts that are... really ugly (because I hate shopping).

I'm gonna go eat some pineapple tarts before going to sleep. Screw my diet scheme.

Btw, am not feeling Kara's 'Lupin' yet, but I think I'll wait for the music video and subsequent live performances first before giving my final verdict. It isn't that catchy for me. Kind of reminds me of another song, but I can't really remember what the other song is. It just sounds a little like that song (like how TRAX'S 'Let You Go' sounds a bit like SHINee's Jonghyun's solo 'Y Si Fuera Ella' in the beginning).

★,
Julle 주월

tired

2010-02-17T20:43:00.002+08:00

Even though I keep sleeping like, non-stop, I still feel really sleepy. It's 10PM here already, so I'm gonna go have my shower before I start working on Maths again. I really hate homework. :/

I was reading through my blog the other morning and I feel like while I'm still the same person, I don't really recognize myself. That doesn't make a lot of sense either, but it feels like the right bunch of words to type out. I'm kind of on auto-pilot mode. I just wanna blog because it feels like the right thing to do now too. I don't really have words to say, even if words have always been my greatest strength.

Anyway, I was thinking of the word 'vice' since my cousin read it in a magazine and asked me about it. His Chinese is better than his English while I'm pretty much the walking dictionary to everyone (even to my teachers, sometimes, if they are brave enough to place their pride aside). It actually means 'weakness', which I accurately guessed (or roughly remembered anyway, I tend to retain random vocabulary words like that), but my older cousin who has so-so English skills said it meant 'strength' instead. I just checked the dictionary and I was right.

I need to make a mental note to tell my cousin later, both of them. Can't stop listening to Omarion's 'Ice Box' right now. I really like the music that BEAST chooses to dance to.

★,
Julle 주월

as expected

2010-02-16T23:22:00.002+08:00

As expected, now that I read the previous post, it is extremely stupid. Maybe it was just my heart remembering, but I don't have those kinds of feelings anymore. It was long over and I should stop dwelling.

In any case (my favourite phrase of this period of time LOL), I had a really interesting dream last night. It was about me getting into a relationship of the romantic sort. I can't stop thinking about it though, because I really do kind of have a small crush on that other person (well, come to think about it, it can't be that small of a crush if I actually had a dream about him). He kind of looks like Arashi's Ninomiya Kazunari. LOL. Nino was actually my second favourite member of Arashi after Ohno.

Which reminds me, one of Mari's classmates looked a bit like Vanessa Lam. LOL. Random thought that I suddenly thought of. I just suddenly remembered how she looked and how I always thought she looked kind of like Vanessa Lam so I kind of didn't really talk to her because Vanessa Lam scares me. On the other hand, there was one girl who was really nice and friendly to me. Come to think of it, she looks a bit like a mix between Jaime (did I spell her name right?) and Melissa Mak. :/ Hmm... So Asians do typically look the same, no matter what kind of Asian we are. LOL. Okay, Oppa's house seriously has a LOL atmosphere. I can't stop LOL-ing now that I'm blogging from his room, even though 'Heartbeat' is playing in the background. I was listening to Omarion's 'Ice Box' just now and I'm glad BEAST performed to that song! It is really, really nice.

HOW OLD IS THAT SONG? o.O Some girl heard it when she was 5 and now she's 10. WTF.

Oh, that makes the song 5 years old, roughly.

Niceeee.

I got this ice box where my heart used to be.

Sounds a little familiar. Although, I can't say an ice box is entirely accurate, but I swear my heart isn't the same anymore. Sometimes, I wonder if it was always like that, but to love someone has become a lot harder. :/ I think my mom just called me. It's 11:31PM and I have school tomorrow, I haven't showered yet and I'm not even home yet. Damn.

I'm still thinking about that guy from my dream. I need to stop thinking about him, because it isn't even plausible.

... whoa. Totally forgot my uncle was sleeping on the floor next to me until he kind of shuffled around and made a little noise. My hair looks like crap, I'll bet. I'm not going to look into a mirror until I've showered. :/

I got this ice box where my heart used to be.

★,
Julle 주월

remember

2010-02-16T03:55:00.003+08:00

I wonder if you still remember sometimes, because I still do. Waking up some mornings to the thought of you and I wonder why I still can't forget. I'm alone now and that's okay, but sometimes I really want to know if you still think of me.

I guess I really shouldn't expect too much, you've probably stopped thinking of me the moment I stopped talking to you. This was the reason why I stopped anyway, because you never thought about me first. I was always the last thing on your mind, wasn't I? Or at least, that's how I felt. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself it wasn't true, no matter how many times I tried to brush away that feeling of being abandoned by you, no matter how many times I lied to myself and tried to say that it's just how you are, it wouldn't change. Maybe right now the prospect of hanging out again may not seem so bleak anymore, but I know I can't revert back to those days.

Even if we could, even if you would forgive me, would it be the right thing to do? Would it be okay for me to hang out with someone like you? It seems that you never took my words seriously, because without me around to hold you back, you've let go of yourself. That is how it feels in any case. I wonder if you smoke now, if you do drugs now, if you've already done it now. Have you? I was hoping that maybe you'd feel my absence, but I don't think you do. Did they leave you like I did? I don't think so. I guess, you may hate me now. The thought of that actually makes me wince. I may make you out like a bad person sometimes, but that's only to remind myself of the reason why we're not talking anymore. So that I don't try to do something stupid to hurt you again.

In any case, I wonder if I've posted something like this before. I feel really sorry inside. For hurting you, not once, but twice. I want to apologize to you, but the words won't come out. I... don't have that courage to say those two words. To tell them to you through this medium, it is far too insincere. Or is any kind of medium alright for you? Then again, you probably erased me entirely. You probably don't look back anymore. I shouldn't look back, because with the light shining from behind me (or technically, in front of me), it makes it seem like those days together wasn't so bad after all, but they were. For me, they were.

My emotions, my feelings toward everything, they still feel really odd. I can't figure out exactly what I feel about this. I'm a little lost when I think about you, because I still miss you. Washing my face and looking at myself in the mirror, I keep thinking of you. Did I fall into something more than friendship? Is that the reason why I'm so hung up on this? Or am I just mistaking this as something more than it simply was? I do that really often.

But I need to remember that we were and still are worlds apart. You have your oblivion and my future is one that is hopefully full of sunshine, rainbows and a really hot husband (like preferrably a Korean male idol whom I like). We have nothing in common. I need to remind myself of that. You are better off with people who won't hold you back. You'll be happier this way. And likewise, I will be happier with people whom I don't have to worry over. Did you even know? That I worried? That I was afraid I would lose you someday to drugs, lies, deception, avarice, many, many things? Were you even mildly aware? Do you know that even though we're apart now, I still hope that you won't do this things, that the words I said would have impact on you, because I still love you? (But I guess you must be thinking that this is a dishonest love and I must agree, because no love would be selfish like this. If I really loved you, I shouldn't have left you because you were hurting me. I should have stayed. I really should have.)

So I don't know what this is and I'm mixed up again. Did I really make the right decision? I can't remember the pain anymore, so I guess it wasn't as harsh as I thought it was. If it was, I would still remember right? To be honest, it's been a while since I've felt that kind of pain. From before it was that old fucker, he hurt my mom and my sisters a lot and thus in turn, hurt me. Then I felt a strange sort of hurt from you, although I guess I was just being too needy, too clingy, I should actually be thankful that you even stayed with me without leaving me first. I somewhat feel like a masochist. I like this hurt you give me. Like I said, I'm all confused again. Am I still hurting and do I want that hurt back?

I don't know what is going on and once again, you're screwing with my mind (or am I just screwing with myself?). When it comes to you, there are always so many questions.

I guess, this feeling in my chest, in my heart, I love you. Maybe more than I really should. I don't know anymore. Fuck sexuality and gender. I feel like I just betrayed you ten times over again. I miss you and I think I love you. This is so bizarre I can't even begin to comprehend. Maybe it's just my mood. I really, really don't know what to think anymore. I might be able to gather more sense tomorrow. Please, just get out of my heart again. Tear it apart so I don't have to feel anymore.

(What was the point of this post again? I forgot. You screwed with my mind too much. You have that strong kind of effect on me, even until now.)

★,
Julle 주월

#alwayskeepthefaith

2010-02-13T01:45:00.003+08:00

This kind of love and admiration, even if they are merely strangers at the end of the day, it doesn't feel that way. Listening to their voices, it doesn't need words to be described. It is almost like coming back after a long day to a gentle smile and an offer to star-gaze together, just because the stars are shining a little brighter tonight. This kind of feeling, this fond affection, I don't believe that we are merely a band and their fans. We are unique, one body, no longer separated as the artiste and their fan club. We are one red ocean. We are one, with faith in each other.

This is a tender and delicate happiness, even if there is a chance of this being crushed one day, even if there is a chance that this happiness may disappear, even while this happiness is being threatened now, I hope we share this together. You are not alone and I'm not alone either. We are together in this. Even though you may not know, at every corner of the world, there will always be someone standing with their arms spread wide, ready to receive you into an embrace.

I barely even need to hear the whisper of three words, in our music, it has already been spoken, loud and clear.

★,
Julle 주월

mellypoo

2010-02-12T23:45:00.002+08:00

This song reminds me of Meemeeszx because it has such bouncy and lively choreography, even though the song isn't that bouncy nor lively. But I seriously love this song and the dance choreography! -spazzes-

And I love how Hyungshik backs up Kevin's vocals so perfectly, even though he isn't as ace on his own solos. I think this live version needs to be heard a bunch of times before it eases up on the ears. I think Junyoung did a marvelous job on his adlib near to the end of the song and I love Taehun's rapping! I can't believe one of his company's people told him that he didn't have the rapper feeling. I like just this kind of rapper and his voice is so... nice. It's low and kind of smooth, a bit like chocolate. Dark chocolate. Comparing to Taecyeon's rapping, which I appreciate and love to listen to just as much, Taec is more like a Ferraro Rocher. Low and husky voice, not as smooth as Taehun's voice though. When I imagine Taehun's voice, its like liquid dark chocolate running from a spoon. Taec's voice is kind of like the Ferraro Rocher advertisement with the camera revolving around the gold-wrapped chocolate. LOL.

I don't even know why I'm comparing them, but whatever.

In any case, I think Siwan needs to work on his vocals a little more, it isn't as strong as it could be, but it doesn't sound too bad for a rookie. I wish Minwoo would be in front more or have some solo stage to show off his dance moves because I heard he was the dance machine, but I've yet to witness that yet. I wonder if he is as awesome or even better than Junhyung (omg POPPIN' MOMMA LOVE).

This was back in Junhyung's XING days, if my sources are right. Speaking of rappers, I kind of miss listening to Epik High so I'm currently re-listening to the tracks of theirs I have on my iTunes. I gotta go get a solid and real copy of their album soon. I love Tablo and Mithra's rapping the most, out of all the rappers in my kpop fandoms. I think despite the other rappers from boybands being good, nothing beats a real hip-hop rapper (especially the kinds that come up with freestyle random raps when drunk or freestyle raps about fan clubs in kpop fandom in general, if that's not fan service I don't know what is). Their flow is a lot smoother than that of average boyband rappers and I just really love Epik High music.

-proud High Skooler-

Listening to '1 Minute 1 Second' now. LOVESCREAM!

Coming up next would be Mithra's solo 'Decalcomanie' (I finally didn't mess up the name) and then after that would be Tablo's 'Nocturne'. I seriously, seriously love Epik High. They give me good chills when I listen to their songs. I especially love the female voice that is featured in '1 Minute 1 Second' too. I wonder who she is. She has a really sweet and nice voice.

In any case, I find it kind of sad that they had to stop activities because poor Tukutz was suddenly summoned for NS. :/ But I hope two years past fast and they'll be back soon! I was so hyped up with 'Wannabe' and suddenly all their promotions stop. I was looking forward to seeing them on variety shows because well, that's the kind of thing kpop idol groups do and they're just too cool for variety shows BD

GRAWR! I'm going to use my red packet money on CDs! I really like collecting CDs, a small hobby of mine after I started liking TVXQ! It feels really good to have a physical copy of music that you won't lose and it feels nice to buy the CDs, to pick them up at a store and go to the counter to pay for it. I get a sort of crazy high from being CDs, ripping the plastic wrapper and popping it into a CD player and blasting it full volume.

-sighs-

I saw [e] by Epik High the other day, but I was broke (still am, btw) so I couldn't buy it. I HOPE THEY STILL HAVE STOCK AT THAT PLACE. I'M DROPPING BY SOON TO PICK UP ALL MY CDS AFTER I GET RED PACKET MONEY. I doubt I'll get that much money though, since I'm hellbent on avoiding the old man's side and I'm probably only gonna visit my mom's side of relatives.

-sadface-

And I don't really want my mom to give me lots of money. It just makes me more guilty when I wanna take money from her after that throughout the rest of the year. I normally save up red packet money and stow it away in my bank. I guess I draw on those funds a lot, because of my expensive CD and TVXQ! paraphernalia collection hobby. Now I really feel like busting a HMV and buying all the CDs I want with Monopoly money. :/

Okay, this post is getting too longwinded (like really too longwinded. I kind of laugh when people say their posts are getting long when its like the length of my short post -sneaky glance at Meemeeszx-). IN ANY CASE! (see, I'm using this phrase like I'm having vocabulary constipation, which is kind of true. I SAY KIND OF TOO MUCH. ARGH.)

I'm gonna let Epik High play for a while and I'm gonna go shower one more time (because Orchard Road is full of fucking disgusting smokers. Yes, smokers are disgusting. I fucking hate smokers to the core. Except the friends my mom hangs out with. They are old uncles, so yeah. I guess they weren't educated on the disadvantages and cons of smoking. NO EXCUSE FOR YOUTHS AND YOUNG ADULTS OF THIS DAY AND AGE. BTW, HAVE YOU SEEN THE COVER OF A CIGARETTE PACKET IN SINGAPORE? LIKE GROSS, PLEASE. AND YELLOW TEETH. EWW, MUCH?)

I might post again later, ranting about smokers and drug use. But then again, I had this thought suddenly.

"This is their lousy lifestyle choice, why are you so irritated?"

"BECAUSE I MIGHT FUCKING GET LUNG CANCER FROM PASSIVE SMOKING, STUPID. AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE WHO DO DRUGS BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE FUCKING COWARDS. I NEED TO MAKE A STAND. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE SAID! LIKE IN THEIR FACE, BITCHES. DON'T COME UP TO ME AND OFFER ME DRUGS AND THINK I'LL SUCCUMB LIKE ANY OTHER LOSER, FUCK YOU. DRUGS ARE FOR COWARDS WHO CAN'T FACE REALITY AND NEED TO GET HIGH TO DE-STRESS. WTF, GO SWIMMING OR SOMETHING, IT IS TEN TIMES HEALTHIER THAN BEING ADDICTED TO DRUGS THAT CRUSH YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM AND OTHER UNHEALTHY SIDE EFFECTS. DID I MENTION BRAIN DAMAGE AND MEMORY LOSS AND OTHER GROSS STUFF? YOU AGE FASTER TOO. AND YOUR ARTERIES GET INJURED. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE STILL CHOOSE TO COWER WHEN THE AFTER EFFECTS ARE WORSE THAN REALITY? IT JUST SCREWS EVERYTHING UP TWICE OVER. ARE YOU GUYS STUPID?"

Okay, I'll rant another time. I shouldn't get so agitated. Let's listen to 'Fan' by Epik High now. I really -heartz- the music video. Although I think Epik High might be embarrassed to have a fan like me. BUT IT'S OKAY, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM. ;D

★,

Julle 주월

2010-02-12T19:06:00.002+08:00

I won't ever belittle any Korean band anymore, without fully appreciating their efforts. It is seriously hard to make it into their entertainment ring and even then, when you get into it, it's a dog eat dog world, far harsher than any other I've seen and their work is ten times as tiring as any other job. Can you imagine 72 hours, no sleep, no rests, only some small breaks in between, having to do hair and make-up, practice endlessly and still keep up a bright and cheery demeanour for the camera (-coughs- BEAST -coughs-)? I guess it was their choice and if its really too tiring, its their fault since it was their, but they did this for their own dreams and to make fans like me happy.

How many of us have actually been open about our real dreams and how many of us actively pursue that dream? Most of us have barely formulated dreams, hopes and aspirations. We let ourselves be crushed by a harsh curriculum that society believes leaves no room for creativity and we all have to follow this path to perfection. Yet I don't believe in this. I can bet that while you're reading this, you might have a Twitter or have heard of Twitter. If not, you'd know Youtube and its comments box. If you really aren't into such mainstream websites, you've probably entered a competition before that asks you to state why you're so-and-so's biggest fan. If you really haven't done any of those (I'm surprised you're even reading this), you've probably done an essay that has a word limit in school. If not, HELLO TAG BOXES?

If you haven't realized the common thing between all these listed examples, it's that they all have limits. There is even a limit to the amount of pictures you can post in a blog entry, although I've never tried testing the word limit of a blog entry. In any case, there is always a limit and like Twitter has said, constraint inspires creativity.

Even then, I don't really see students who are bogged down by the education system in my school. Really, we're not asking you to have no fun and all work, but you guys are seriously tipping it on the "too much fun" side sometimes. Then when results roll round, you guys cry like some shits because you don't get what you want and why? Because study dates were really just excuses to sit around and laugh with friends, that's why.

"Stop dwelling about the things in your past because there's a reason why they're not in your future."

Keep looking forward and anticipating the things ahead in life with a positive and cheerful mind. Stop sulking on what cannot be changed and dare to step forward, instead of always standing where you are and staring at the ink that has seeped deeply and permanently through paper.

Kind of like, once you look forward, don't ever look behind again.

The next time someone cries over not finishing their paper or not studying hard enough, I'm not even going to bother. This is the reason why I always seem so confident and unfazed, because like many experiments, one examination or test is not always enough to give accurate results. In any case, I believe that no one is stupid and intelligence comes in many various forms. It isn't only the people who study well or who are naturally gifted in academics that are the only brilliant ones.

Not that I respect the so-called 'athletes' from my school. I don't even know why I despise them so much, but I inherently do so.

IN ANY CASE. One of my favourite phrases lately. I want to learn Korean!

Kevin and Wooyoung are so cute! <333

★,

Julle 주월

down down we gotta get down

2010-02-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

DOWN DOWN I GOTTA GET DOWN TO BUSINESS MAN. SRS BZNS. O:

Tomorrow is Physics and AMaths, which will probably be the hardest papers for me, since I'm not that strong in Physics nor AMaths (as today's two hour tuition has proven to me because I barely managed to go through the practice paper!)

I'm going to bathe, go through a bunch more questions for AMaths and Physics and then hurry to sleep. If I go into the exam tomorrow like some zombie, I swear, I'm going to flunk that paper so hard you won't even know how hard. That's how hard. Oh man, I seriously shouldn't have watched that stupid show and should've come up to my room quickly to start on my work. Now I've less than an hour and a half to do up EVERYTHING so that I won't fail on anything and DAMN I'M SO DEAD. I SHOULD HAVE STARTED STUDYING SINCE LAST WEEK BUT I DIDN'T WHY U-KISS WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME. T_T

Okay, I've decided that from now on, I should study with a passion! Just like the passion that kept B2ST going for like 3 consecutive sleepless days and nights! Like oh my goodness how the hell do you not sleep for 72 hours and still be able to dance like nobody's business! I marvel at their awesome and I hope that I can become like that too! :D Although I doubt I'll be able to survive 72 hours without sleep, seriously, even when it comes to fangirling I doubt I can survive for THAT long without a single wink. I think I'll give up some time past 24 hours. Unless I sleep the whole day before that, then maybe I might be able to stay up for so long.

Okay! Let's gather up my strength, stop thinking so much about meaningless things that only hurt everyone around me and myself more and just go!

★,
Julle 주월

listen to my saengseon beat

2010-02-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

Watching Korean idols seriously do make you feel better if you feel like crap. Unless you're watching stuff like Hyungshik from ZE:A singing to Park Hyoshin's 'Snow Flower' (then you'd be kind of psychotic if you laughed). Thank you to U-kiss and MBLAQ for cheering me up from my slump of uber emo-ness. It was really, really stupid. Sitting here now, I can feel the remnants of yesterday's sudden wave of emo feelings.

For the first time in my life (okay maybe just in three years, because I used to like mainstream American stuff like Disney and crap because I was sadly deluded), I actually find America's Disney-produced stars really entertaining.

I've been waiting for this for the longest time. So does G.I. Joe top or does Ken? Hmm...

I didn't know it was physically possible to make a not-fat girl look so fat. Miley Cyrus outdoes herself (btw wtf is she wearing? It looks damned horrible).

And my personal favourite!

I hope Lekshana never sees this or she might just kill me. That is one of the Jonas Brothers' right? I don't understand the appeal.

In any case! I would like to say that was pretty much macro-fail though.

I got a whole folder full of Korean macros, courtesy of SFI's Macro War last year (2009), I might post one up a day, according to how I feel. I didn't really browse through the folder to search for this though. I just thought, hey, since they're trending Siwon today, why not? :D In any case, I think it's his birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHIBROWS!

★,
Julle 주월

2010-02-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

Maybe I won't be stronger tomorrow, the day after or even in the month after. I may not gain my strength in this year and I might continue to struggle into the next year.

But I believe that one day I'll be on my own feet, I'll be able to smile brightly, confidently and without worries. I'll be able to face everything well and I'll be able to put behind the past that's still dragging me down. I'll break loose of these chains and I'll set myself free from these self-administered restrictions.

One day, soon enough, I will be able to do everything I've always wanted to. For now, I will try my best to, but even if I can't, I hope you guys can be there to understand and hold onto me. I'm like a younger toddler still learning to walk and when I fall and get a bruise, please don't leave me alone.

I keep praying
Don't forget it
Baby, we keep the faith eternally

I watched the distant night sky before dawn today
Lighting up the road ahead to make sure of my way
The sun will keep on rising, the tears are not endless
Because I remember this, someday, I can live on

Break out! Break out!
For the door to tomorrow, the key is safe in your hand
Break out! Break out!
Grab hold of your future, there is no destiny
Make yourself! It's up to you

I keep praying. Don't forget it. Baby, we keep the faith eternally

Even when the passing days seem to fill the sky overhead
When I remember your smile, time will always return
Like the waxing of a cresent moon, people meet
Our hearts shining together brighter as one

Break out! Break out!
Tears are surely not sadness, they are the footprints of dreams
Break out! Break out!
There are things that only you can do
Believe yourself! Believe

I keep praying. Don't forget it. Baby, we keep the faith eternally

In order for these wishes to come true
I continue to pray each day, as long as I must

Break out! Break out!
Tears are surely not sadness, they are the footprints of dreams
Break out! Break out!
There are things that only you can do
Believe yourself! Believe

Break out! Break out!
For the door to tomorrow, the key is safe in your hand
Break out! Break out!
Grab hold of your future, there is no destiny
Make yourself! It's up to you

I keep praying

Don't forget it

Baby, we keep the faith eternally

---

A period that sheds a tear becomes a comma; a comma that gathers its tear becomes a period. - #blonote 20100114

★,
Julle 주월

2010-02-09T23:40:00.002+08:00

even though I want to be strong, all I want to do right now is curl up into a ball, because it always feels like nothing is ever right, even when there's nothing wrong.

I always end up doing something wrong and humans are supposed to make mistakes, but I hate this never-endingly flawed side of me. Why do I constantly harbour on this anyway? I should look on the bright side and smile, that's how I can be strong, but I keep looking at this infinite pool of darkness that I seem to be always immersed in and I feel stupid. I keep hurting people but I don't want that, I want it to stop. I keep breaking expectations, I fall below them and I disappoint. I don't want that either. I want to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, the perfect person. But I can't be. I'm not even close to being perfect.

I'm sensitive when it comes to matters about me, but when its about someone else, somehow, I'm always so ignorant and I end up doing the same thing I always do. I need to stop thinking about myself and start to consider the feelings of others too. I'm a selfish bitch, I really am.

Sometimes, I wished I was mute so I could reduce the amount of hurt I cause to others and I know shutting up would do a lot.

I keep thinking of the same thoughts and the cycle keeps repeating and it's honestly pissing me off. I need to get off my lazing ass and do something about this. But no matter how much I try to convince myself, it's always so damned half-hearted.

I'm waiting for some miracle to happen. I need one, really badly, right now.

★,
Julle 주월

explosive popularity

2010-02-09T23:11:00.003+08:00

When I watch idol shows and when they start talking about their hardships, I really feel sad and feel like I'm such a bummer. I'm in the midst of watching U-kiss' 'Vampire' right now, episode 3 subbed by the wonderful rocketboxx subbing team, and I feel like such an utter loser. I don't work hard at all and I still complain about being tired and all that crap and nonsense, while U-kiss is slogging their hearts out for lazy ass people like me. I feel like shit when this happens. I really feel like such a useless piece of crap.

I think SHINee got famous faster than U-kiss because they debuted in SM Entertainment, which is one of the big three companies that most international fans are familiar with. SM Entertainment also has a Midas-like touch and most of the bands or artistes they produce have really shot up to fame. :(

Finally realizing how hard it was for U-kiss to get this far really makes me feel for them. I've decided that from now on, I will support them! And I won't ever brush aside bands that don't come from popular companies anymore! (which was what I did when U-kiss initially debuted. Sadly and embarrassingly.)

In any case, I hope that U-kiss will continue to rocket in popularity and become the best of the best! As awesome as TVXQ! I hope the members will never give up because Kiss Me will always stand behind them and support them!

And from now on, I will also work hard to prove to myself that I'm not useless!

U-KISS HWAITING! TVXQ! HWAITING!

★,
Julle 주월

kiss me

2010-02-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

Okay kids, I changed my header to 67 hot men looking like they want to kiss you (actually Dongho looks a little unwilling but you can probably psycho your mind into portraying a slightly visually edited picture of him puckering his lips happily for you, you pedophile, because you probably forgot that he's only 16 this year).

I AM YOUNGER THAN DONGHO AHAHAHAHAHAH. I AM NOT A PEDO! :Db In any case, did anyone else realize that I'm a lazy bastard because I never bother to edit the photos I use as my header? Even the previous BEAST header was unedited. But it looks damn awesome anyway! YAY BECAUSE I'M SO AWESOME AT FINDING PICTURES THAT LOOK AWESOME.

Nts: Stop hanging out with Natalie because she infects me with 'ah-lian' language -.-

Anyway, I don't feel like going for my English and Social Studies common tests. It's only the 6th week of school and we're gonna have our fucking tests. First week was wasted on retarded camps and talks. So we only studied for like... four weeks and they already want to test us? At least give us competent teachers who can actually teach and revisions after school because four weeks of classes is definitely not enough for me. I hate this so much.

I HATE TESTS! I DON'T WANT TO STUDY FOR THEM! GIVE ME MORE TIME, DAMN IT.

★,
Julle 주월

emo stuff

2010-02-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

I should stop blogging about sad stuff. In fact, I should learn to be more like Meemeeszx and be more carefree. I should throw away structure and do away with this... needy side of me. To be honest, I feel like an 'A' blood type sometimes (omg Kiseop is so cute). Then sometimes I'm a 'B' blood type, totally like Dongho. And then most times I'm a 'O' blood type, which I think I'm supposed to be. I swear Jellyfish cannot be a 'B' blood type, she's totally not like him at all. She's more of an 'A' blood type person. I think I'll roflol if we eventually find out that she's actually an 'A' blood type and not a 'B' blood type. I think I'm a bit of 'AB' blood type too, because of the whole straightforward, frank and no covering up way that I speak.

Watching episode 2 of U-kiss' 'Vampire' right now, courtesy of the awesome Rocketboxx forums and their super awesome subbing team. Most of the U-kiss goodies that I get to watch are thanks to them! :D So yes, big thanks to Rocketboxx's subbing team for providing English-subbed videos/audio videos of U-kiss. Just had to say that because I reaaaaally appreciate their effort. They seem to be the only fans of U-kiss who sub U-kiss videos, so yeah.

I'm watching U-kiss and ZE:A videos now instead of studying, as you guys might have realized. I think I'm just gonna memorize the content briefly later, sleep on it and flunk the exam, then do really well for History because I'm just so awesome at History. I'm kind of worried for Chinese. I really don't understand or know anything about it and it's not an elective, so it's not like I have anything to back it up later. :( And I have a bottle of pineapple tarts next to me, but I can't eat them. T_T It's past 8PM and well, pineapple tarts are a thing of the devil! They are actually really, really fattening. I think it's because of the pineapple and the amount of oil it uses to fry the pineapple topping. Gross. :/

But I'm really tempted to eat just one. Which would probably escalate to many other tarts being popped in, so I shall not. -determined-

I managed to drop 2kg since the other time when we took our height and weight at the start of the year, although I don't know if it'll reflect on the school's weighing machine because that weighing machine just sucks. But I think I look a little skinnier now. I want to become as skinny as Vernszxszx. She's like a stick! Out of all 7 of us, I'm like the fattest. :( Well, then again, I just began to realize how much I used to eat in a day and I felt like a big whale-like monster. I have discovered that while there are some demons who never gain weight no matter how much junk they load into their bodies, most skinny girls actually don't eat much and do exercise quite often.

Anorexic, much? :/ Well, I'm the kind who gains twice as much as I eat, so I've decided to seriously cut down on my food intake and I'm quite happy with the amount of food I've been eating lately and the kinds of food. I just hope everything doesn't balloon back during the CNY weekend, it does take effort to refrain from eating and I think there will be a lot of good food during CNY to be eaten. Damn.

Meemeeszx pointed out the other day that my skin looks better too (after I started to eat less and eat more of the 'right' stuff). I started observing the condition of my skin more closely and I realized, OMG SHE'S RIGHT. My skin is getting a lot better. Even though my T-zone (or actually just the spot between my eyebrows lol) is still very pink and looks very diseased, the rest of my forehead looks okay and my cheeks are still pretty flawless. Except for that one angrily pink scar-ish spot next to my lip. :( My nose still looks kind of gross and the small dip between my cheeks and my nose looks still, slightly gross. My chin got smoother albeit still looking very battle-worn. I wish I took better care of my skin when I was younger and didn't pick at my pimples.

THE RESULT OF MY CHILDISH AND FOOLISH ACTIONS -full of regret- How I wish I had skin like Kiseop. :/ Or Junhyung.

Kiseop's flawless face. Which I envy a lot.

This is actually one of my favourite pictures of him. For some reason, I like all the pictures where he looks really feminine and gentle. I think he looks really pretty here and I want to be like him. I wouldn't mind going through plastic surgery to end up looking like him. :D

...

Actually, that sounds kind of creepy because I want to look like a man, which I don't. I just think he makes a really pretty girl. If I hadn't known that he was a man, I probably would have mistaken him to be a girl when I saw him in drag as a cheerleader for SNSD. I'm serious and I'm pretty much a professional in guessing the genders of androgynous individuals.

-honed skill from being in an all-girls' school-

OMG KISEOP STOP BEING SO PRETTY. And on the contrary to what Meemeeszx said about him being an 'AA' type girl, she's not (I seriously typed 'she' there. KISEOP, MIND SCREW. MIND FUCK. STOP IT). The more I stare at him, while he starts to lose his femininity, he still looks damn beautiful. Not like real 'AA' type girls, including the original 'AA' type. ;D I still think he's so damn pretty and I really want to look like him, skin condition wise. So flawless and unblemished! Okay, maybe he has a pimple forest under his fringe, but damn it! His skin is really, really good! I don't have that awesome pictures of Junhyung saved into my computer, so no pictures of Junhyung's flawless skin. -sadfaces-

I bet if you saw his skin condition you'd be jealous too, if you are into these kinds of things.

Now every time I refresh my Twitter homepage, I wish that new tweet was rocketboxx posting about how the last part of episode 2 is up. I actually hold my breath for it -.-

In an attempt to achieve Kiseop/Junhyung-like complexion, I will now drink lots and lots and lots of water, eat less oily food and yeah... keep up a stringent beauty regimen. <--- that sounded so gay. I don't even know why I want to have such nice skin anyway, it's not like I'm pretty, so having good skin won't even attract guys. But then again, even if it does miraculously attract guys, I don't even want a relationship right now. So technically, I could just screw up my face right?

Does that even make sense? Okay, maybe not. I shall go watch ZE:A at the O4A fan meeting and spazz over them performing 'New Star'. :D

★,
Julle 주월

fuuuuuuuuck

2010-02-07T16:50:00.002+08:00

I'm in a really bad mood now, because once again, I really can't rely on Jellyfish or my mother.

"2PM we go to the study room and study okay? You can go and sleep first." And when I wake up at 2PM, getting ready to go study for SS:

"Oh, me and mummy going out for a while first. We're going to Junction 8. You go back to sleep first, later when we come back then we go to the study room." So I told her to come and wake me up when she gets back. Note: I was supposed to for mass at 5:30PM today.

At around 4PM, Mumther comes into my room to wake me up. And because of this, I felt fucking irritated. We were supposed to go at 2PM, let me study for two and a half hours before I came back to change and go for mass. That meant I was supposed to stop studying at 4:30PM to come home and change.

AND YOU FUCKING WAKE ME UP AT 4PM AND TELL ME I'VE SLEEPING FOR WAY LONGER THAN AN HOUR? FUCK YEAH I HAVE BEEN. WHY? BECAUSE YOU GUYS FUCKING WENT OUT TO SHOP AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK AND TOLD ME TO SLEEP "FOR A WHILE MORE". WELL FUCK YOU.

When you promise me that you're going to the study room with me at 2PM, do it. Don't fucking tell me at 2PM that you're going out with our mother and not even tell me that you're going to take two fucking hours. And don't fucking come back two hours later and tell me I was asleep this whole time and not studying when I thought I was only going to be asleep for at most, half an hour more.

I'm someone who needs structure in my life, I'm someone who cannot be abandoned, I'm someone who cannot be lied to, I'm someone who cannot have promises made to her be broken. So don't fucking come and do this and make me so fucking pissed off at you. Then you get pissed and tell me that I'm the one at the wrong when you fucking shoved a knife down my back first.

If you were going to take that long, at least you should have told me. Tomorrow, I'm having my fucking common test and you don't even bother to tell me to get a head start on studying first. I haven't even opened the first page of my textbook to read anything and the teacher fucking sucks in school so I barely have any idea about the test contents. This is like purposefully fucking me over.

The worst thing is the way you guys behave and don't even fucking apologize for not letting me know. It's always the same fucking issue. You guys never fucking tell me anything important. This makes me hate you so much, do you even know that?

I don't even know why I'm so angry when I was already resigned to the fact that I would already fail Social Studies. Maybe because I was relying on you to help me study, maybe I was hoping that if I could get some good, decent studying done, I could make you proud of me.

Forget about that now, I never make you proud and you'll never help me study. Sometimes, when it's like this, I feel like you guys don't even fucking care.

★,
Julle 주월

idiots

2010-02-07T00:31:00.004+08:00

Honestly. SMU scholars cannot get more immature. Especially the one who happens to be my older sister. Like by 5 years, no less. I thought this kind of thing was only done by kids, my age or younger, mostly. But apparently I'm mistaken. Great SMU scholars who have 3.8 GPAs are actually idiotic too.

To clarify some things, I'm not an idiot. I opened Blogger and was about to blog when I decided to go shower instead, so it was my browser was left at the New Post page of Blogger. So Jellyfish decided to barge into my room. When she noticed what was on my screen, she giggled and typed the message below this blog post and posted it, while I was in my shower. So yeah, I'm not an idiot. She is. :/

And I hate it when she comes into my room, starts using her laptop then suddenly wants me to stop playing my music just so she can play hers. Hello? We do have our own rooms so we can play the music/videos that we wanna hear/watch at the same time without disturbing each other you know. SO GTFO OF MY ROOM AND INTO YOURS. And she loves to throw her bag, which she lugs around in school everyday, onto MY bed. THAT IS JUST NASTY. D8

Just imagine how dirty it is after a whole day out and she simply just tosses it on MY bed (I would like to emphasize that is is MINE) and pulls out her laptop to use. Why the fuck do you always come into my room and agonize me, Jellyfish. -.- You can be dirty, but don't be dirty in my room. AND SHE PUTS HER FEET ON MY BED WITHOUT WASHING THEM. I can do that because well, it's my bed and my germs and my dirt. BUT NOT YOURS, BITCH. Usually I just get really pissed and chase her out and then she'll get pissed and be like, "YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME. I HATE YOU. I WANNA DIE. YOU ALWAYS DON'T SPEND TIME WITH ME." and etc, etc.

Now, it's not like I dislike her or hate her or anything, because she's my sister so I do love her actually and tolerate her mostly, but honestly. No one asked you to lead the life that you do. If you don't want to be so stressed, just drop your scholarship. If you don't want to be so stressed, drop all those extra unnecessary things you've picked up just so your resume will look impressive. If you don't want to be so stressed, just change your life and what is making you so damn stressed. Don't come home everyday, whine and bitch and expect us to always coddle you and treat you like some goddess who works so hard for whoever's sake. You tell me you do it for Mumther's sake, but the life is yours, not hers. So do whatever the hell you want with YOUR life.

You're always biting off more than you can chew but you call that pushing your limits. More like pushing my buttons, Jellyfish. You really make it hard for us with the way you behave. I admit, I may be like that at times but at least I try my best not to, even though it's my nature. And you're becoming a total hypocrite. So Alex can't scratch the car, can't use the car because he doesn't pay for the petrol, can't spend the amount of time he used to in our when Jean was around but you can? Your stand is that you're Mumther's daughter, but does that really change anything that much? It doesn't mean that you're her daughter, so you live with her, live off her and then throw tantrums at her and expect to be forgiven just because of that. Just because you are her daughter.

She didn't give birth to you so that you can be so totally ungrateful, or act in that totally ungrateful manner. Please respect her and apologize when you've made such a large scratch on her car, no matter how much she hates that car and wants it sold. So when Alex or Jean scratches the Saab or gets a dent in it, no matter how minor and unnoticeable, it's unforgivable for you. Yet today, when you made such a large and horribly obvious scratch on her car, like a cat's vicious scratch, you don't have to even apologize? In my opinion, Alex is better because at least he apologizes. You can also bitch about Mumther when you want but he can't? Just like him, you live in her house, the clothes on your back are bought with her money, you eat the food she provides you with and you also drive the car, filled with petrol that she pays for. The money in your bank was hers, given to you so even if you use that to repay her, it doesn't even count. She's just taking back what was originally hers.

Don't be unreasonably demanding. If she wants to spend $100 of her own hard earned money on some ridiculous plant but won't let you spend $5 on a magazine, you can't blame her or get angry. It's HER money and she can decide what she wants to do with it. It's not your place to compare the prices of both products and then say she's being unreasonable. Especially when the wait for the food was less than 15 minutes, if I wasn't mistaken. I say this because you wanted to buy the magazine to read and browse through while waiting for the food to arrive. It did arrive soon after Mumther tried to dissuade you from buying it in a joking manner.

And you shouldn't have thrown that silent tantrum, not eating the food you ordered, getting pissed that we got ramen instead of udon when we ordered that after deciding on ramen and just behaving so inappropriately. You tell me that when I'm in my uniform, I represent my school and behave so that I do not embarrass my school or drag its name through mud. Yet I want to tell you, when you're next to your mother and calling her "mummy", you represent her as well and the way she raised you. When you misbehave, it is her fault for not raising you well. Just as I should not humiliate my school and my fellow schoolmates, you should not humiliate our mother and me, as your sister, as well.

You also openly refused to listen to Mumther even after she told you twice, not to sit in the way that you did because we were in public and it was unpleasant to see you sprawled all over the seat like that. You raised me on strict morals and principles, but when I see you behaving in this childish way, you make me think of you as a huge hypocrite. I feel so disappointed that you behave this way when you are the one she leans onto now, to help and care for her without Jean around. You told Jean you would take care of her and do whatever Mumther needs help for in her stead, but you've failed so terribly at it. All you do is make Mumther even more upset and I feel that it's ironic that when you finally do something for Mumther, you end up complaining exactly like Jean did and you did so even faster than she did. It's ironic because you always say that Jean complains too much.

You're human, so you make mistakes, but if you do make mistakes, then don't be so righteous and complain about other people's mistakes. Then again, that in itself is a mistake and a flaw. You've spent so much time staring at the actually harmless elephant that you fail to see the fatal snake slithering up to you (I fail at idioms, so this is my analogy).

I haven't grown up yet and I'm still at the age when I'm doing my growing, but you're turning 20 this year (despite having just turned 19 a month and a half ago). Shouldn't you be much more mature than I am at all times, instead of whenever you're in the mood to preach? One proverb-ish thing I'm going to get right is: practice what you preach.

Now I'm going to practice what I have just preached and go to sleep so that Mumther won't be so troubled over whether I'll wake up for Catechism tomorrow or not.

Note to self: PLEASE STUDY SOCIAL STUDIES TOMORROW AND STOP FANGIRLING FOR A WHILE. JUST THIS WEEK. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN PREVENT MYSELF FROM FANGIRLING. FOR MY FUTURE CHILDREN, WHOM I WANT TO LOVE AND PROTECT WELL, WHICH I CANNOT ACHIEVE WITHOUT STUDYING WELL NOW. OMG, CANNOT IMAGINE MYSELF BEING LIKE MUMTHER. TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT THINGS WHEN MY KIDS ASK ME STUFF. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT KIND OF MOTHER!!! (NOT THAT MUMTHER IS A BAD MOTHER BECAUSE SHE CAN'T ANSWER ME. ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT THAT BAD BECAUSE I END UP FINDING THINGS OUT MYSELF AND ACTUALLY REMEMBERING THEM). OKAY, I DIGRESSED. SORRY. WILL GO SLEEP NOW. I WILL SAVE THAT TOPIC FOR ANOTHER BLOG POST.

★,
Julle 주월

p.s: I always blog about the same things again and again -dances to 2PM's 'Again and Again'- AND I ALWAYS END UP USING THIS POSTSCRIPT. I'M REALLY SURE I DID IT BEFORE. :/

DDD<

round and round

2010-02-07T00:16:00.002+08:00

im an idiot.

★,
Julle 주월

내가 어리지가 않아

2010-02-04T23:56:00.002+08:00

I originally wanted to feature U-kiss' new song, 빙글빙글 (bingeul bingeul/Round and Round) for an #mm. However, their MV hasn't come out yet and I think it'll be great, so I'm going to wait for their MV to come out first before posting that #mm. In the meantime, you guys can take a look at them from their debut!

I didn't go watch the MV in detail, because I was like "WTF DONGHO YOUR HAIR IS. SHIT." like in the bad sense. I never liked that kind of hairstyle, so it is kind of painful for me to watch the music video without cringing every time Dongho appears, although he's not ugly. It's the hair. :/ And Alexander's afro. I still remember someone calling him jewfro. LOL. I'm still very impressed by the fact that he speaks 7 languages. His brain must have a lot of neural pathways. Like Einstein, maybe? I wonder if he's still fluent in all those languages. Korean, English and Cantonese seem to be a-okay. xD I think the other four were Portuguese, Spanish, French and Japanese? I have no idea. LOL.

*I'll edit with the lyrics and etc. tomorrow if I have the time to, but I will do so eventually. It's kind of late now and I can't find a version of the lyrics that doesn't bug me with poor capitalization and punctuation. But the lyrics are really cute, imo. Xander wasn't young at all, but lol Dongho, that was when he was 14. xD And the clothes don't really suit the concept, neither does the song. They're trying to prove that they aren't young anymore, but it was so kiddy and family-friendly. Except the bit when Kevin dissed Dongho's mom (although it was supposed to be his mom in the MV). Yeah, okay. This song is so cute.

I shall go sleep now. BANG BANG BANG. I love that song from U-kiss' new album, 'Only One'.

★,

Julle 주월

fuck you

2010-02-03T22:44:00.002+08:00

What is this love you speak of? Do you love someone like this? No. This isn't love. You don't love me a single bit at all. You never loved me. I wasn't a daughter you loved or could love because I hated kissing you, I hated being near you, I ran away from you, I was so afraid of you when I was a child. I loved my mother more, I cared about her more. I drew her cards, I never even missed you while you were on those fabricated business trips. It wasn't the kind of business we thought it was, it was just you visiting a whore house and probably finding her. I'm so glad I never loved a man like you. Even if you were my father, I'm so glad I never ever loved nor liked you. I've never admired you and between the two of us has always been a 10-metre pole.

But I never thought I would hate you as much as I do right now. I never really felt anything towards you, but I finally fucking hate you now. You will never see a single hair of me anymore and I doubt you fucking even care, because you have never fucking loved me. I bet you love your precious new daughter more, Miss Brenda "Ng", Miss "I'm Cute And Pretty!!", Miss "I-will-fucking-suck-up-to-you-because-my-mother-sucks-your-cock". I hope you get run over by a car and die. Twice. I don't care about anything right now. I just want you dead.

And who the fuck are you to get angry with me? You are the one who fucking put me through more than 5 years of trauma and fucking hurt and you are trying to act like the victim? Well, two words for you. Fuck off. Don't fucking get angry with me when you are the one in the obvious wrong. When I grow up, I'll fucking sue you for violating my human rights. I'll make sure I get it right and fucking sue you till you sit in jail and wonder what you ever did to deserve this. Then I'll give you one visit. Just one.

I will remind you then, in that one visit, how you fucking decided to ruin your own life. I'll ruin your life and I'll make you regret ever having playing around with my mother, my sisters and I. I will not those who've hurt the ones I love most escape scot-free. I want to dig a knife of revenge through your heart, pull it out and stab it through you a thousand times over. I want to watch you bleed slowly and die just as slow. And I'll savour all that. I'll savour all your pain and even then, that wouldn't be enough to repay the kind of fucking shit you inflicted on me. I want you left with nothing when you die. No more slut, no more money, no more nothing. I will strip every fucking thing away from you. And even as you die, with nothing, that will never be enough.

I will never fucking forgive you anymore.

★,
Julle 주월

are you ready?

2010-02-03T21:35:00.002+08:00

OMG JUST WOKE UP TO THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENING TO ME. U-kiss' first full-length album, Only One, was released! Will feature it as a #mm when I'm more free. Like after next week. I think. I'm kind of getting hungry now, but its waaaay past 8PM and I'm not supposed to eat anymore. I think I'll just drink water and some juice or something and try to force away my hunger.

In any case, I really like the new songs on the album, because they were super my kind of songs. I just wished that the album had more new songs and less remixes. Half the album is actually composed of remixes from their previous albums, which is the only thing I'm disappointed about. Otherwise, I'm pretty much loving the album! Just trended #onlyUkiss on Twitter from 7PM-9PM. OMG KEVIN AND ALEXANDER CONTRIBUTED TOO. And our peak was #2 worldwide and we managed to hit #1 in Houston too! I'm so proud of Kiss Mes.

Went to Yoshinoya today after school with the 'szxszx's. Meemeeszx, Nanaszx, Minszx, Vernszx and Janetszx. Lol. Too bad Haiszx had some sandwich competition for GG today and couldn't come out with us. :(

TODAY IN CHINESE WAS SO EPIC. Meemeeszx has now created the 'Booba' effect.

Definition: the 'Booba' effect occurs when you get the sudden urge to disrupt class and then act like it never happened. e.g: You suddenly wanted to jump out of your seat in the middle of tuition, shout "Booba!" and then sit down again like it never happened. Or you suddenly want to get out of your seat and slow-mo poke your teacher in the face before running back to your seat. The 'Booba' effect's name was derived from the original 'Booba' effect.

And I want to name my son Piku! Our Chinese teacher was telling us some joke about some guy who swore using the Chinese word for 'ass' and then I thought it sounded really cute. Piku piku piku! So I started imagining this little boy who comes up to mid-thigh, really round and chubby with a mushroom/bowl cut as my son. LOL. He doesn't have a defined face, but I can roughly imagine him with huge, blinking eyes and really small lips. For some odd reason. In any case, I want to name him Piku! Then Meemeeszx said I should marry some guy with the surname Poh and my son's name would be Piku Poh. ROFL. But it's such a cute name!

She said I should marry her brother, then we would be in-laws. Then I imagined her running around after my son (a.k.a her nephew), flailing and shouting, "Pikuuuuuu~!" Actually, it sounds really vulgar because it means "ass" in Chinese, but oh well. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Isn't Piku Poh such a cute name? <3

★,
Julle 주월

fury

2010-01-31T20:53:00.002+08:00

I think the PMS mood swing and anger thing was delayed and right now I'm almost ready to cut some bitches if anyone pisses me off any further. I don't know why the fuck but after I decided to start doing my homework, I just became really, really pissed off. I am blasting TETRA-FANG (even if they aren't that hardcore, they are hardcore enough right now because I'm not usually a hardcore, angry music kind of person) right now in hopes of soothing my storm-like mood. Don't ask me how listening to angry music (imo anyway) will make me any less angry. It just does okay? :/

I was so pissed I was going to cry (once again, idek) and my mom bought rice back in styrofoam boxes. I stabbed the fucking box until it had multiple holes in it. Okay. One source of my annoyance is back. Will continue rant after she's done with her almighty, god-like work. Fucking annoying.

★,
Julle 주월

fangirlism

2010-01-31T02:59:00.003+08:00

Fangirling post. Beware.

OKAY SINCE I ALREADY WARNED Y'ALL LIKE OMG HYUNGSHIK!!! LIKE EYES BULGING OUT AND ALL BUT WAI SO SEXY, BB?! I'M LIKE SPAZZING OVER THEIR PRE-DEBUT PERFORMANCES RIGHT NOW. THE SERIES OF PERFORMANCES AT THE SAME LOCATION WHERE THEY DANCED SNSD GENIE, B.E.G ABRACADABRA, DBSK MIROTIC, 2PM I HATE YOU, RAIN RAINISM AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S SEXYBACK AND THAT THE WAY I ARE SONG.

LIKE TOTALLY ROFLOLOMG WHY DID THEY DANCE THE GIRL GROUP DANCES MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY THAN THE GUY GROUP/GUY ARTIST ONES. I LOVE HYUNGSHIK. BECAUSE I TOTALLY JUST STARED AT HIM THROUGHOUT ALL THE PERFORMANCES. OMG BB WHY MUST YOU BE SO CUTE AND SEXY AT THE SAME TIME. I WANT TO SQUISH YOU, RAEP YOU AND KEEP YOU IN MY POCKET. D<

OKAY, GTG. GONNA FINISH WATCHING ALL THE PERFORMANCES FOR THE GAZILLIONTH TIME THEN GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE... CATECHISM TOMORROW. BUT OMG HYUNGSHIK! WHY! WHY! WHY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, TOTALLY BETRAYING SHINee WHO ARE LIKE TOTALLY IN SINGAPORE NOW. OKAY, GOTTA STOP HANGING OUT OR TALKING TO KIBUM OPPA TOO MUCH TOO. BTW, KISEOP IS SO CUTE IN U-KISS' VAMPIRE. TOTALLY LOVE HIS SWEET SMILE AND HIS BEHAVIOUR. HAHAHAHAHAH, MY 8TH BOY LOVE IS NO LONGER JUNYOUNG. IT'S KISEOP. HAHA, SORRY JUNYOUNG, YOU'RE NOT THAT SEXY. LIKE HOW I NEVER REALLY WAS INTO YOOCHUN AS A GUY, JUST THAT HE WAS REALLY FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING.

SO MY BOY LOVES ARE NOW: CHANGMIN, MINHO, JAEBUM, ELI, MIR, DONGWOON, HYUNGSHIK AND KISEOP. NO MORE JUNYOUNG. OTHER THAN JAEBUM AND MIR, EVERYONE IS 180CM AND ABOVE. LOL. BUT I'M ONLY LIKE 158CM (BARELY). CAN YOU IMAGINE SOME SMALL ASIAN GIRL STANDING NEXT TO THEM? WILL LOOK TOTALLY LIKE A MIDGET. ROFLOL. NO HOPES TO BECOME THEIR GIRLFRIENDS THEN. I SUPPOSE THEY WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS MORE LIKE THEIR LITTLE SISTER. HEY WAIT, DIDN'T I SAY I WAS GONNA GO? ROFLOL ULTIMATE FAIL. KTHNXBAI.

I LOVE HYUNGSHIK BTW. :DDDb AND OFC, ALL MY OTHER BOY TOYS. ;D

★,
Julle 주월

tears

2010-01-28T22:11:00.002+08:00

#musicmoment! I decided to feature BREAK OUT! this time, because it is really a nice song. Not too good for loop playing, but it is a great song to me. I especially like the lyrics this time around because like Survivor, it is really encouraging and supportive. They give me the strength to continue working hard (or want to work hard, since I'm working nowhere near hard right now). So, on to the music video, followed by the lyrics! Hope you guys check out this song, give it lots of love and yeah, start listening to TVXQ! because they are an epic-ly awesome band.

c: KPOPmvtv, SM Entertainment, AVEX

This uploader is seriously damn HQ, so if you like kpop music, please subscribe! :D On to the lyrics~

I keep praying
Don't forget it
Baby, we keep the faith eternally

I watched the distant night sky before dawn today
Lighting up the road ahead to make sure of my way
The sun will keep on rising, the tears are not endless
Because I remember this, someday, I can live on

Break out! Break out!
For the door to tomorrow, the key is safe in your hand
Break out! Break out!
Grab hold of your future, there is no destiny
Make yourself! It's up to you

I keep praying. Don't forget it. Baby, we keep the faith eternally

Even when the passing days seem to fill the sky overhead
When I remember your smile, time will always return
Like the waxing of a cresent moon, people meet
Our hearts shining together brighter as one

Break out! Break out!
Tears are surely not sadness, they are the footprints of dreams
Break out! Break out!
There are things that only you can do
Believe yourself! Believe

I keep praying. Don't forget it. Baby, we keep the faith eternally

In order for these wishes to come true
I continue to pray each day, as long as I must

Break out! Break out!
Tears are surely not sadness, they are the footprints of dreams
Break out! Break out!
There are things that only you can do
Believe yourself! Believe

Break out! Break out!
For the door to tomorrow, the key is safe in your hand
Break out! Break out!
Grab hold of your future, there is no destiny
Make yourself! It's up to you

I keep praying. Don't forget it. Baby, we keep the faith eternally

c: BlueTuesday@http://miroticdbsk.blogspot.com

★,

Julle 주월

blogging

2010-01-27T23:08:00.002+08:00

Blogging because I feel like it. I've been really happy recently, albeit dead tired most of the time (and irritated by my Chinese teacher because seriously, she is so full of fail, it's not even funny -serious face). I need to sleep early! I didn't have much work today, so I finished up my Maths exercise, decided not to bother about Chinese because the teacher irritates me too much and my Chinese is too full of fail (in a disturbing way that really makes me want to get a tutor but that is just stupid). I have decided that from next week onwards (after having a blast for the weekend, which I'm sure it will be), I will study really hard for my common tests and independently study Chinese. I don't care about what she teaches in class anymore, I will just do my work and hand it up and not care about anything else otherwise. I will also do the same thing for Social Studies, although I don't think I'll ignore the SS teacher as entirely as I will do to my Chinese teacher.

I'm really worried for English. After that B3 for SA2 in 2009, I've been traumatized and I really want to do well again, but I don't know if I can. I'm also losing my knack for writing after such a long break and I'm worried for tomorrow's History class test (which I will study for tomorrow morning and during recess). I'm not so worried about E&A Maths, because I haven't had huge problems with those two yet and everything is going smoothly so far. I think I'll need to do Physics with Lilin this Saturday, because we started Kinematics and I kind of dozed off in class today. I'm really surprised Mr Chris Chang didn't take a 30cm ruler and knock me in the head. He managed to scare me once though, while I was dozing off.

Scenario:

Me: -dozing off with head on propped up hand-

MCC: OKAY! -like really loudly-

Me: -jumps out of skin from fright-

It was really obvious that I jumped, so I thought he was going to reprimand me after class. He didn't though. He actually spoke to me in a kind of caring in that masculine, discipline master manner.

Scenario:

MCC: ****, you very bored in class is it?

Me: Huh...? No. I'm just really tired.

MCC: Oh, really ah? Okay.

I was expecting some sort of shelling or the typical 'I-don't-really-care-anymore-because-you-are-all-like-that' kind of thing, but he didn't. I'm thankful for that and I promise to sleep well and not to doze off in classes anymore. I feel bad for Mr Tan too, who teaches me both E&A Maths. I always fall asleep in his classes because I can pick up the stuff easier now and usually Lilin had gone through the topics that he has, so I don't really need to listen to him unless I have mistakes in my exercises or something of the relevance. The worst thing is that I sit right in the front, first row, right smack dab in the centre. I really feel bad that he has to face that everyday. Not that I willing sleep at ungodly hours of the AM.

Went to Citylink Mall with Meemeeszx and Nanaszx today. It was so epic and fun, I feel so bubbly and bright! Before we headed over though, we bought ice cream from the mobile ice cream man outside the school. Lol. Mr Fan (I don't actually know what he's for, but he's always in the school) was guarding the mobile ice cream man and when we approached to buy ice cream, the ice cream man asked if we were going to buy ice cream then he said:

"Oh no, ****'s mother said she's on a diet, so she's not buying ice cream."

First of all, that was said in Chinese. Second of all, when did my mom tell him I was on a diet? Thirdly, he proceeded to indirectly insult Nanaszx by saying "wow, your waistline is broad." ROFLOL WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL STAFF IS HE? He was so funny in a retarded way when he started talking about dialect. And he didn't know Meemeeszx's name, so he kept staring at her nametag. Eventually Mr Chris Chang came over and told him that there were people loitering at the void decks of HDB blocks near our school, so Mr Fan was sent to disperse them. We wanted to follow him (okay, more like Nanaszx did, but still), but in the end we just walked over to Compass Point. I think we met the group of loitering girls along the way, but we're not sure.

Nanaszx walked right into a cyclist while doing something on her phone, after I told her to stop using her phone while she walked. Hah. This is why you should listen to me! :D When we reached Citylink, I dragged them into HMV and we started having intellectual conversations on who were great artists and a little spazzing over the Korean section. Lol. I concluded that I do not dislike English music. More like, I dislike mainstream teenybopper music like Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato and etc. The people who are famous but do not have any talent in actuality. Well, in comparison to my own selection of artists, these examples are nowhere near talented. In any case, I don't really like Western culture so much. So yeah. I don't know why I keep bringing this topic up. It's like my favourite debate topic.

"I hate English stuff. Even though my English is usually top 3 in the level. Aside from comprehension. I over-interpret."

I feel so proud of myself for being in the top 3 in the level for English, but not exactly either. I don't really have the passion for it and it just annoys me somehow. OH YEAH. In the end we went into Niwa Sushi to eat. I'm such a pig. Then we went to Marvelous Cream for ice cream/dessert! It was great stuff! Meemeeszx said that the ice cream we had at MC was the best ice cream she'd ever eaten. I'm great at dishing out suggestions for food (for people our age anyway, probably not gourmets or adult foodies). I remember going into MPH after that (with stuff in between, but those weren't really important). Bought a book about Chinese history and how they discovered the rest of the world before Columbus and some other fellow and how they became reclusive country. I'm really excited to read it, but it is kind of huge, so I'm not bringing it to school for light reading. I'll probably peruse it during the weekends when I'm having study breaks.

"Tears are surely not sadness, they are footprints of dreams." - TVXQ! BREAK OUT! exerpt

I checked out the lyrics for BREAK OUT! and I really like them. I copied a copy out by hand onto a piece of paper and gave it to my sister. For people who are feeling tired already, despite it being the start of the year, be it your 15th or 51st year alive, it is an encouraging song. No matter how exhausting or tiring something can be, no matter how hopeless it might seem, the future is in your hands and who you are or become is your decision. You are always in control and there will never be a time when you aren't.

So never give up and keep pushing forward, irregardless of the fatigue. Think of happy times and memories and receive strength. When there is nothing happy to think of, imagine a happier future for yourself, because it can happen if you are determined.

Sometimes, I think, when I post these things, I'm just encouraging myself. I should post more #musicmoments soon. I have a few songs in mind. :) The full version of BREAK OUT! being one of them. Since it's getting late and I'm waking up for breakfast with Meemeeszx and the rest tomorrow, I'd better get going to sleep. Goodnight!

★,
Julle 주월

P.S: Should I lock/private my blog or not?

depression

2010-01-24T00:28:00.002+08:00

Reading Thea's LJ just makes me feel so depressed about myself. AND HOW COME HER VERSION OF MAZELTOV SOUNDS SO DIFFERENT? (the one she posted on her LJ). I finally got around to staring at their faces and while I've got to say, the dongbang boys still look the hottest, the ZE:A boys aren't THAT bad looking. Looks like someone is a distant relative of the dongbang boys, since Moon Junyoung looks so fucking much like Yoochun mixed with... someone else. I cannot figure out for now, but he looks a lot like Yoochun and I'm scared. O:

Screw blogging formats too, I'm just gonna type at random and how I feel like at point of posting. Although I'll probably still end up blogging in paragraphs now, but still. Weird erratic paragraphs with no proper English. I cannot be half-assed to make the effort to type properly, even though most of this written in decent English is... just natural for me. LOL I FEEL SO PROUD OF MY PUNY SELF. Then I remember Thea's LJ and I'm just... -deflates-

Okay, so to prioritize. I need to put my common test schedule up everywhere, on my desktop as a Sticky, on my wall as just... a schedule I guess. And on many other places just to remind me because I have got to get off my lazy sleepy ass and actually do something about this shiet instead of just bumming all the time! I need to do more than just my homework if I'm aiming for those As. I do not want to get a B again.

-dark clouds start floating in because you know its kind of hard-

I'm not that great at Physics and some of Chemistry concepts get mixed up when I'm under stress and basically... writing essays for History (no matter how enjoyable) hurts my hands and I end up crying internally halfway through History because my hand can't take the pressure anymore. WE NEED TO HAVE EXAMINATIONS ONLINE SO I CAN PWN ALL THEM N00BZ WITH MY SUPERIOR TYPING SKILLS! D<

Even if you have such a professional camera, if you're stupid and cannot make full use of it, then it's just a waste of your parents' money. I'm gonna look back on this post tomorrow and think, omg why the eff are you so stupid anyway saying these kinds of things on your blog.

Ooooh now I'm scared someone'll figure out who those damn n00bz are and then charge me for defamation. O: I'm shivering in my pants and I'm almost about to pee. OMG PRZ DON'T PRESS DEFAMATION CHARGES ON ME. In any case, the safest thing is to never state names. :D I'm not gonna mention any names of any sluts and loads of people carry around DSLR-looking cameras so you can't say who exactly it is. And they have to fulfill all my requirements as stated above. n00by, carrying DSLR-looking cameras, take low quality pictures with a high quality camera and being stupid. I doubt anyone other than THOSE people fit the bill, but even then, they're probably too stupid to realize I'm talking about them HAHAHAHAHAHAH. I'm in such a bitch mood today.

This is what happens when you read Thea's LJ then you notice Meemeeszx updated and then you check it out and then BOOMZ. This is what you get. Especially if you're a specific **** ** * ***. TOOOOOOOT. Go figure out what that is. If you can, I'll give you a cookie. But don't put it on my cbox or anything, God forbid, no! O: You should at least email me! (Which limits the amount of people who I'll actually need to give a cookie to). PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME IRL ALSO CANNOT ANSWER. Which just kills that down to zilch. No cookie-giving! Yay!

Why am I so high?

._.

In any case, here's my common test schedule. OMG. DUNDUNDUNDUN. Actually, wtf, haha, it's not even that serious. xD

On second thought, you know I lost the rubber thingy that comes with my BOSE headphones for the second time. Now I'm only left with the LARGE sized ear plug rubber thing things, so I'm kind of emo-ing over the fact that I keep losing them. :/ WHY MUST YOU RUN FROM ME, EAR PLUGS? WAS IT BECAUSE OF MY EAR INFECTION? I'M SO SORRY BUT I LOVE YOU (IT'S ALL LIES).

8th February 2010 (Monday) - Social Studies (0800-0845)

8th February 2010 (Monday) - English Paper 1: Argumentative essay (0900-1000)

9th February 2010 (Tuesday) - Chinese Language Paper 2 (0800-0900)

9th February 2010 (Tuesday) - Elective History (0915-1000)

10th February 2010 (Wednesday) - Pure Chemistry (0800-0900)

10th February 2010 (Wednesday) - Elementary Mathematics (0915-1015)

12th February 2010 (Friday) - Pure Physics (0930-1030)

12th February 2010 (Friday) - Additional Mathematics (1445-1545)

MY SCHOOL SUCKS.

Why are they making us stay back for the Additional Mathematics test? Hmm?! That just sucks so badly because I don't even have anything on Thursday and I'd rather have the test during curriculum time than after school and then after that there's an 80% chance I'll have to go for CCA.

THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. D<

In any case, the test schedule isn't so bad this year. I only have 7 tested subjects (History and Social Studies are combined electives) this year. :D Okay, I have all the topics to study for so I just gotta start to study them! And I have to say, my school is positively retarded. I'm supposed to be tested for chapters 1-3 for Chinese but the teacher in school is barely halfway through the first chapter and I have no idea what the hell she's rambling about. She jumps from A to Z to H to M to E and then she just stops. Like hello, wtf are you doing? No proper lesson plans and she wastes time telling us retarded stuff and bringing us to the wrong homeroom and then moving us 15 minutes into class (with another about 20 minutes left to the bell) when NO ONE EVEN TOLD HER TO GET OUT. LIKE HELLO PLEASE STOP WASTING MY TIME, DAMN YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN FREAKING TEACH US ANYTHING AT ALL BUT RANDOM RAMBLING. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. WHEN I FAIL CHINESE AT 'O' LEVELS, I WILL PERSONALLY SUE YOU AND GET MOE TO KICK YOU OUT OF THE TEACHING INDUSTRY SO THAT YOU CANNOT FURTHER RUIN ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE.

In the mean time, I will resort to self-study and ignore that teacher. Out of all my teachers this year, I really only have trouble with her. We're already Class 4 out of 6, our Chinese fails at life originally and now you send us some fucked up teacher who sends us AWAY from the class because she didn't get the memo that we were fucking banded during the first lesson. SHE WASTED THAT FIRST FUCKING PERIOD DOING NOTHING AND SHE BOTHERED SO MANY OTHER TEACHERS BY SENDING US ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE. SUBSEQUENTLY FOR THE NEXT TWO PERIODS IN THE WEEK SHE MADE US DO SOME RETARDED WORKSHEET IRRELEVANT TO OUR LESSONS. SHE WROTE A CHINESE WORD IN THE WAY THAT IS NOT TAUGHT IN CURRENT SYLLABUS (since Chinese characters have evolved and there may be several methods of writing the same word) AND FUCKING CONFUSED EVERYONE AND SHE EVEN INSISTED SHE WAS RIGHT. She thinks she does no wrong and always thinks she's in the right when she's not.

I wouldn't even mind dropping to Class 6 with Mr Christopher Sim just to get a more fucking competent teacher. Seriously, MOE, you send us senile and ridiculous teachers who can't even teach. I'm disappointed in the government's standards in teachers.

Now I've got to study 3 chapters of the textbook myself without her help and hopefully even pass Chinese. I swear I will tear my test paper apart if they only test us on 1 chapter and not the full three. I'm so angry about my Chinese teacher right now that its not even funny. I really wanna rip my hair out in frustration.

THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS THAT EVEN BABY!DONGWOON PLAYING THE VIOLIN LOOKING LIKE MY COUSIN DOESN'T HELP. NOR THAT CUTE .GIF OF HIM DOING AEGYO. WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY. D<

★,
Julle 주월

P.S: moodswing much. :/

gummy bear

2010-01-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to sleep early so this is gonna be a short and retarded post. I kind of get bored of writing in good English on my blog all the time. Or... the best standard of English that I have anyway. Sometimes I just wanna type randomly like omg wtf and have some variety, but I guess I have too much of a 'S' personality to do that. Mrs Tan says that 'S' stands for 'structured'. Yeah, I guess I'm kind of structured. I think I was born a structured person, but it was untapped in the earlier years of my miserably short life. That explains my anal retentiveness. But the structured potential of my personality was recently unleashed in a good way. I think. I'm more organized now and I actually do stuff about my life I didn't really bother about before. I feel good about that.

I feel good about myself. O: I know I have homework left at the back of my mind that I still haven't handed up yet, but still. I finally did up all my grossly overdue homework! :D Like that English write-up, the Physics workbook practice and the English editing thing. In any case, I have realized the importance of post-its and now I'm using them rather madly. And I wished all post-its were super sticky so that they would stop peeling off my wall. I pasted a post-it on the board behind my computer which happens to be white and the corner keeps peeling off. It annoys me greatly, but everything I try to stick it back it just peels off again. I also put up some of the pictures that Jean printed from our Hong Kong trip. :D My room feels more personal now and less like a hotel room that I'm staying in for a temporary period of time.

Anyway, since I'm gonna do the Add. Math assignment that I just remembered during recess tomorrow (instead of eating like I should), I'd better go and hit the sack now! Just thought I should post something to collect some of my thoughts. I'm organizing them, but I still have lots to work on.

Mada mada dane~

I think I can collect my thoughts better when I lay everything out in text like this. Words are really my security blanket and my comfort zone. I think that if someone ever took my words away from me, I would be utterly lost and devastated. Worse than taking away any of my other senses, I hope that I will always be able to see and to write like this. The only thing I fear about health deterioration with age is that my vision will become worse and I might lose the ability to write due to health-related issues.

25 minutes to midnight, so I should really go sleep. Goodnight, world. :)

★,
Julle 주월

P.S: I hope Meemeeszx memorizes the lyrics and sings that song. I'll memorize it and sing it too! :D Oh and to Meemeeszx, if you still read my blog, thanks for your compliments, I'll tell my mom about your opinion on the exterior and see if I can convince her to let you in on the interior. Lol.

The Theory of Dongwoon-sexuality

2010-01-15T22:19:00.002+08:00

I have nothing much to post about, but I just decided to post today because I read Melissa's blog and I just felt like posting. Just changed my layout after realizing that the text on my previous one was actually very small and not very good for my poor eyes that don't see well. In any case, it's a great relief that it's finally the end of the school week! Tomorrow is Saturday and I get to sleep in a little late (like roughly an hour, thank God)! I have tuition around 0915 and I'm going to have breakfast with the Mumther tomorrow (hopefully, unless we oversleep) so no real sleeping in. Might go out with Andy Meemeeszx and Emily Nanaszx (a.k.a Melizzy and Nat) for Frolicks. Then after that at about 1600, Mumther and I will be heading for some Catechism briefing. I will be standing in for my non-existent father and my mother's brain, since Mumther's brain is on permanent leave. Lol.

Neighbours invited us over for some birthday celebration of one of their kids, even though I can't even remember their names. Mumther says its the older boy (assuming the middle kid because their oldest son is in NS and the other one is obviously the little one). Don't know how long we'll be there for and I have pretty much nothing to wear, although its just going next door. I wanna wear my pretty JLS high tops. <3

Oh man, need to find people to go for D's movie. I have no idea how to find the people when I don't even have that many friends! What do I do? :( Maybe I should ask orange Jean or Sam Wong or someone like that. Maybe I should invite Vernice along. O: I don't have much more to say and I fail at multi-tasking, so time to get back to chatting on MSN with my bitches (a.k.a Andy Meemeeszx and Emily Nanaszx).

★,
Julle 주월

tired

2010-01-13T20:54:00.002+08:00

She’s gone, gone
She’s gone, gone
She’s gone, gone
She’s gone, gone

You’re standing up now
You throw aside my hands
The words ‘I love you’ are still caught in my throat
I didn’t even have a chance to greet you yet

As I see your back turned towards me
The whole world feels like it’s breaking down
It’s all breaking down
All those days we loved

I was crazy for you
I didn’t even have a chance to say that
And I let you go

She’s getting further away
Love can’t be like this to me

It’s too hard, I’m tired
Eventually I just let go
The words “If you really loved me, you’d let me go”
I don’t hear any of it

The image of your back towards me is engraved into my eyes
It’s all breaking down
All those days we loved

I was crazy for you
I didn’t even have a chance to say that
And I let you go

She’s getting further away
Love can’t be like this to me

I couldn’t even say that you can’t leave
All I am is a fool that can only watch you leave
Going crazier day by day
Never being able to forget you
I can’t handle myself
I was crazy for you

I was crazy for you
I didn’t even have a chance to say that
And I let you go

She’s getting further away
Love can’t be like this to me

I just had to post these lyrics to 2PM's 'Tired of Waiting' from their first full-length album, 1:59PM. I highlighted the bit of the song that made me want to post up the translations and possibly a clip of the song (at the end, maybe, if I'm not too pooped). It really stood out to me, because even though its only the first week of lessons, it is really hard and I'm really tired. Not being able to do some Add. Maths questions make me feel sick in the stomach and not understanding all the Physics concepts scare me. I feel like if I can't absorb everything at once, I will lose my footing in the next step and end up spiraling towards failure. I have time, in comparison to my seniors, I can still revise, but I look at this mountain before me and I already feel shrunken and afraid. Is it even possible for me to grasp all these and apply them in the examinations?

Still, somewhere at the back of my mind, I think of how hard it must have been for TVXQ! to first audition and be selected for SM, then trained for so many years without a tangible promise that they would debut and then finally debuting and being faced with such a tough life even as they realized their dreams. And they haven't given up yet. Even with this lawsuit, they are still fighting on and I feel weak and ashamed. But I am really improving by leaps and bounds. I haven't been absent for any days of the week, even though I have felt almost too tired (plenty of times). I've been trying to complete my homework on time and succeeding so far. I haven't broken any deadlines so far but I'm scared beyond reason. The jagged edges of those mental eggshells still dig into my skin and I haven't yet fallen into routine.

But I can do this. I'm very sure I can. If I cannot, then I'll make it happen. Even if its not within my power, I will force myself through this. Nothing is impossible.

On a lighter note, I took a mental break today and tried not to stress myself out with homework and studying (although I've yet to begin and this increases my guilt). I went out with Melizzy and Nat to Heartland Mall@Kovan for Pizza Hut then we went to Popular! To become Popular! Okay, lame, I know, but I think this is what all that mental stress does to you. Anyway, I bought hardcover ring files for English, History and my two Maths. Even though I didn't actually need a Math file, but I feel like I should have them to file my work and notes. I bought red for English as required, then light and navy blue for both Maths and silver grey for History that Nat actually wanted. She said it was "chio" and she wanted it, although she didn't have a subject to use it for so I dissuaded her from it. Then I ended up buying it. LOL.

I also finally bought my cheap 40-cent green pens. After Popular we headed to Frolicks, but there weren't any available seats inside and the chairs outside were too shaky so we decided to head over to The Dessert Bowl instead (you can angry at anyone except boss!). Melizzy ordered jackfruit sago, Nat had strawberry crepe and I had strawberry ice. Mine was delicious (although not greatly tantalizing or anything, it was just enjoyable) and it mainly consisted of vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries + strawberry sauce + bubble tea pearls as toppings. After dessert we basically just hung around the place and occupied one table to talk and we camwhored. Which was inevitable because Nat carries a camera around, Melizzy likes pictures and I am just so compliant like that. Lol.

In the end I succumbed to the guilt of not doing anything relevant to studies for a few hours and demanded we be more productive. I eventually stole Melizzy's E. Maths book and did a bunch of questions. Then she had to go. :/ So it was left with Nat and I after a while, but then her mom came to pick her and they dropped me off at home. :D Thanks Nat and Nat's mom! Saved me 15 minutes of trying to get home without being ambushed by birds left, right and centre.

Now I'm gonna go complete those Maths questions I didn't manage to and maybe revise some Physics and do tuition work after finishing schoolwork. I have a write-up on Little India to complete and I wish we didn't have to do places of interest in Singapore. I'm not particularly inclined to do a factual recount of sorts (well, I never liked that text type) and I have shady memory of Little India. I might decide to go there tomorrow to refresh my memory, but I don't have anyone to accompany me. Or maybe Chinatown. Since I'm Chinese it should be easier, right? :/ Oh woe is me. Maybe I should do housing in Little India (past and present), continue to a little cultural information and then actually start to introduce Little India. I don't know, word limit is 250-500. I don't know if I'll have enough and at the same time, I might have too much. All I can think about is temples, pottu, henna and cuisine.

Hmm... maybe I was stupid for not taking Literature.

★,
Julle 주월

CHANGE

2010-01-06T22:11:00.002+08:00

So I don't know who's the stupid one, them or me. But then again, not like it really matters. Arghhhhh. Camp started today with a workshop in the morning, Body Worlds exhibition in the afternoon and debrief in the evening before mass dismissal and everyone trying to get the right camp shirt size since the printing company totally screwed it up, as usual. I've never been able to wear a camp shirt that fits me almost right. Most of them are usually a size too big. I don't know if I should be complaining. :/

Weird people should stop following me on Twitter because it gets kind of... scary. Like I don't know you, but I'm too damn lazy to lock my Tweets since they aren't that important, but I can't be bothered to make you unfollow me. I don't even know how to do that except to mass-spam Twitter about random stuff every 5 minutes. I think that should discourage EVERYONE from following me on Twitter at all. Had to remove all those unimportant forum Twitters for various Korean idol bands because I kept getting spammed with hundreds of Tweets. D:<

Is Dongwoon not the cutest thing you've ever seen in your entire life? O: I was tempted to post up that 'esscited' Kikwang one, but Oppa has that up on his blog already so I decided against it. I do have other .gifs that I managed to ~~steal~~collect from ~~oppa's friends~~over the intrawebz, so I might post them some other time. In the mean time, this .gif is all you need. :DDDb I kid you not. He is seriously so cute he gives me tooth decay.

Just thought I should post something up instead of being dead. I'm thinking of dragging Bitch #3 D, Jerome, Mimi and Oppa to the Body Worlds exhibition just because it was so damn cool. I really think it was awesome, if you have an open mind and don't go about thinking in the gutter and what not. If you can do that, other than the slightly perverse thoughts you might have if you're not mature enough, I think its a fantastic exhibition to learn more about the human body with examples right in front of you. Although a guided tour would have been better for people like me, who have problems identifying the bits of the human anatomy with their scientific names.

The giant squid, giraffe and horse were interesting additions to the exhibition and something I really didn't expect. If you have the time (if readers of this blog even exist) and if you're in Singapore, do head down to the Science Centre and get this exhibition checked out because the exhibition ends on 6th March!

Okay, long day ahead tomorrow, target setting, Pulau Semakau, lots of ornithophobia. And hiking, I suppose. I don't know. Anyway, I'm dead tired. I wonder how those Korean idols really do it. T_T I really appreciate them from their hard work now! Hope Mumther gets well soon.

Guys, if you exist, remind me to post something about the epic ornithophobic experience I went through during the etiquette workshop I had this morning. It was seriously so scary and so bad, I wanted to hide under Amrit.

★,
Julle 주월

p.s: Thank God for Jashvinis. Because having one just really brightens your day (or evening, depending).

Nts: No more offering rides. No particular reason why.

music moments

2009-12-31T05:56:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna be starting a new little segment on this blog, where aside from just blogging about my life, which can be kind of boring sometimes, I'll be featuring songs. This is not the first time I'm doing this, but I feel like I do this often enough to make it into a little segment of its own. This isn't a proper blogging entry, but rather an 'mm' entry. On Twitter, mm is used to refer to Music Monday, which is a hashtag that has people talking about music. Music Monday was eventually started on several blogs I've read as segments too. Now I'm taking Music Monday and evolving it into something else. I'm a big fan of music, don't even have to lie because it won't work. I watch a lot of videos involving Korean idol groups and their members, while some of these shows are variety shows, there are clips of them singing songs too. I usually end up coming across an old song I really loved but forgot about or a new song that I really enjoy.

Music Moments will be basically just me featuring a good song whenever I come across one. So instead of just featuring something on Mondays, I'll feature a song whenever I feel like it. So the first 'mm' song will be...

-insert drumroll here-

'Ordinary People' by John Legend.

A video featuring the song is embedded here on this page, because I wasn't able to find the proper music video version with an embeddable link. However, if you're interested in watching the music video, here's a link to the proper music video of 'Ordinary People'.

I remember listening to this song when I was about 11 or 12, when my family was going through some hard times. I had a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night with nothing to do and no company except my insomnia, so I used to turn MTV Asia on and watch whatever was on TV. I came across this song one of those nights and it was really nice, to me. Some of the lyrics really touched me, even though it was in bits and pieces. I wasn't a very optimistic or happy person at that time and this song really comforted me. I listened it for quite a bit that time, but eventually I got into different types of music and I somehow lost touch with this song like one loses touch with a friend you don't see for a long time. I got into music like Taiwanese pop and eventually Korean pop music. Recently, there's been a rookie band that I'm very obsessed with. Obsession began when Kibum oppa came over and infected me with them. Subsequently, I watched a lot of videos involving this band. Just yesterday, there was a big music event in Korea called the SBS Gayo Daejun, which is the music awards show and festival of the Korean broadcasting company, SBS.

If you guys scroll down a little, you'll see a bunch of performances from the Gayo Daejun that I reviewed yesterday. I really, really loved Doojoon's voice in that performance of 'Sign', so just a few minutes ago, I got onto Youtube and searched 'doojoon singing'. Imagine my surprise when I found a link to a video of Doojoon and Yoseob singing 'Ordinary People' by John Legend during their MTV showcase. It was a very pleasant surprise and I really liked their rendition of the song too. It wasn't a proper video of the song however, but a fan camera instead. Nonetheless, Yoseob and Doojoon were brilliant. Doojoon was on the piano and sang a few verses with Yoseob accompanying him vocally. While their English isn't ace and there are many mistakes, it really brought back the memories of all that pain being relieved with this softly encouraging video. I'm really ecstatic that they sang this song and reminded of such a great song.

Thank you, BEAST, for giving me a peculiar sort of calm that comes with listening to 'Ordinary People'.

Breaking off from the original music moment post, I really want to talk about 'Ordinary People'. For people who don't know me, for those who don't know what happened to me, while it wasn't a worst case scenario situation, I had something happen to me that I hope happens to as little people as possible. I don't want to sound like a sob story and I don't want you guys to pity me or think I'm seeking sympathy or some shit, I'm just explaining this so y'all can understand why 'Ordinary People' is such a great song for me. So the thing is, my father has another family besides mine (complete with a wife, daughter and even in-laws). He started the affair when I was only in kindergarten or early primary school and he left our family when I was 10.

He just upped and left us one day, even though I've known since I was 9. My mom was really broken by that and because I loved her a lot, it crushed me to always see her crying and being depressed. It was hard to be strong for everyone when you're only 10, but I did my best. I guess I was really fucked up by that, but I went through a period of time (a few years), when I was sometimes suicidal, always convinced that I was depressed too and it got bad enough for me to want to run away (which I did but epically failed at). The song itself, the melody and everything (I'm not that good with musical terminology, so pardon my musical fail) was really soothing and I really liked the piano in the song. The lyrics, at that time, really made me feel something from my heart.

It felt like a God-sent gift, telling me that I was just one person in this world and I didn't have the power to control what happened to me and what happened to the people around me. Decisions that others made were not my fault and I was just... an ordinary person. "And though love sometimes hurts" made me think now, how love must have been so painful for my mom who had to endure the worst of it all, being left behind by someone she's loved for over 20 years. And then the song says, "take it slow" and I just really feel like breaking down. I was so caught up in everything that I forgot to lean back and do exactly that, take everything slowly and step by step. Then there's the bit that says, "this ain't a movie, no fairytale conclusion, it gets more confusing everyday" and I feel like its talking to me. This song is telling me that shit happens and I really couldn't have helped it.

"Maybe we live and learn, maybe we crash and burn, maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return, maybe another fight, maybe we won't survive but maybe we'll grow." This just appealed to me a lot because it seemed really fitting to me at that time, how the whole situation was. I just can't explain how it felt like a puzzle piece that fits. Even now, it gives me a nostalgic, wistful feeling. Like I can finally look back on those memories and smile, because I survived and I grew. I still have a long way more to go in this life at my age right now, but its okay. I survived through that and I feel like I grew a lot and I have that experience under my belt. I'll carry it along in life as I continue to survive and continue to grow.

This might all seem totally incoherent and stupid to you, but this has got to be one of my really real favourite songs of all time.

Music Moments, end. 'Ordinary People' by John Legend, covered by BEAST Doojoon and Yoseob. Thanks for reading, y'all.

★,
Julle 주월

Boom Boom Like Like It~!

2009-12-30T20:15:00.003+08:00

Thank you, S.Korea! Though more specifically, SBS Gayo Daejun! :D Taking the title from allkpop, it was the place "where guys become girls" and it was just one of the most epik things ever. Basically, to sum up the gist of things, boy bands got together to perform songs by their fellow female colleagues. Members of 2PM, 2AM, Super Junior, SHINee and BEAST were selected to perform for the big night! In this post, I'll be posting the original live performances of the songs and then their boy versions of the songs! If you're homophobic, don't like guys acting like girls, don't like guys dressing up as girls, do not even bother continuing. Then again, that's just your loss. ;D

First up, we have Brown Eyed Girls' 'Sign' featuring the fan dance.

Here is the wonderful original which the boy-parody was based on, I think, in terms of stage clothing.

Our four male Brown Eyed Girls were (according who sings first), 2PM Chansung, 2PM Junho, BEAST Doojoon and then 2AM Jo Kwon.

I loved Chansung and Doojoon the most out of all the four. I feel like Chansung did a great job at the singing part, even if it was lipsynch. Chansung sounds like he has improved a lot and he gives off the best feel, to me. He seems like he would belong in B.E.G the most, if I had to choose one of them. I liked Doojoon's rap in the song a lot too, his voice was very... pleasant to listen to. He sounds a little young compared to the rest (despite being 21 this year and pwnzing Chan) and his voice actually resembles Miryo. I think it sounds like a less harsh version of Miryo's voice (her voice was a little hard for me to get used to initially, but then it started to sound better after a while). I was a little disappointed at how little Jo Kwon got to sing, but it was nice to see him singing his WGM wife's bit. I think if they let him sing too much though, he would've made the performance too funny and ruined the actual mood of the song. Junho sang and dance well for the song, but for some reason I felt as though he couldn't immerse himself into the song and the role of becoming a female idol properly. He felt awkwardly out of place, in my opinion, but just the feeling of it all. Otherwise, he did really well! All in all, this one gets 4/5!

Second song would be the one you guys should have noticed at the end of boy-parody-'Sign'. Which would be 'Muzik' by 4minute!

I gotta say, I love the way Gayoon sings 'music alive!' Even though she isn't the prettiest, she's got a pretty solid voice (albeit a little breathless with the dance), so she's gotta be my favourite member. For some reason, her face keeps attracting me to look at her while I'm trying to watch Hyunah dance. LOL.

Imitating 4minute will be (in order of singing): Super Junior Shindong, SHINee Key, MBLAQ Joon and... MBLAQ Mir doesn't actually sing. I don't even get the point of him being there if he doesn't even get any lines. Honestly. But he was cute all the same with his pig tails. <3

Shindong's hair was too excessive, in my opinion, along with his hot red lipstick on his pale white face. How does his face even get so flawlessly and smoothly white? I want to be that fair-complexioned! What is wrong with all these Korean boys and being prettier than me? :/ In any case, Shindong's dancing is still one of the best. He has the natural talent that is never hindered by his plus size body and this just proves to everyone that even chubby people aren't useless blubbers of fat that can't even exercise. I think Shindong assimilated well into his role as a female idol, but at the same time he managed to maintain a bit of his manliness (on the contrary to Junho who was just a guy trying to be a little girly). Needless to say, our diva Key showed a flawless performance and his dance skills are brilliant. I love his crazy popping and the way his ~~bottle~~body (wtf, I typed bottle subconsciously what am I thinking?!) just knows and doesn't differentiate between moves that male idols usually pull off and moves that female idols usually pull off. His body is versatile and flexible in that way and I really want to applaud him for being so able to fit into his given role. Watching Joon in this was initially one of the most disturbing things ever. I kept snorting and I couldn't watch the full performance properly because this was just so weird. He has one of the most kick ass bodies ever and him doing a sexy female idol dance like this just disturbs my mind greatly.

In the end my mental state just died (because of watching Doojoon in 'Sign') and I resigned to the fact that actually, he was pretty damn good. If he was trying to be a girl with that look of his, I think he failed pretty much entirely. He totally did not look like a girl at all. In fact, I think he would make a pretty ugly girl. I guess that should be a compliment, since he is damn hot and sexy, good-looking, lady killing guy. I really liked the way he sang the chorus of 'Muzik', I can't really describe it well, but its like he really got into the mood of the song and sang it just the way 'Muzik' was supposed to be sung. I think his dancing doesn't need to be commented on. I'm still disturbed by him dancing the Gayoon move where she points to the front then the side. Nevertheless, he did a great job on the dance. And Mir... I have nothing to say about his singing because there is really nothing for me to say. :/ He seems like the weakest dancer amongst these four, but his constant smile and his pig tails just make up for everything that could've gone wrong. I wouldn't mind him being my grossly tall and broad sister. :Db Overall, i think this was the best performance aside from the fact Mir has no lines. D<

GYURRRRIIIIIIII. My favourite member of KARA. :D The clothing concept for the boy-parody is exactly the same as this. I just wished our four boys pulled up their shirts like KARA to show a little ab. :/ I wouldn't mind taking a peek at Yoseob. LOL YES I'M A PERVERT FOR CUTE LITTLE BOYS LIKE HIM (even if he is older than me wtf).

You can refer back to the previous boy-parody video with 'Muzik' first and then play the rest of the video to get 'Mister' done by (according to pants colour): 2PM Wooyoung (yellow), 2PM Nichkhun (pink omg), BEAST Yoseob (hot red, yeah sexy boy) and BEAST Kikwang (blue).

One thing that keeps bugging me is how Nichkhun is wearing the 'Kk' shirt when his name is Nichkhun. Like, nich-khun. Nk. You know? And Kikwang isn't wearing it despite being ki-kwang. Kk. You know? I really don't get that bit. Maybe the stylists screwed up and no one noticed till it was stage time. Either that or no one can read English characters, even though Nichkhun lived in English speaking countries a bunch of times. OOOOOOOR, Nichkhun could have noticed but their stylists were too stubborn to agree. Since it was lipsynch, I comment only on their recorded singing. I think it sounded like all the guys were a little unwilling to be singing a song like that, mostly because its a song about a girl falling in love with a certain 'mister'. I think they wouldn't have minded to be the 'mister's of the song, but instead, they became the girl singing for the 'mister'. If it were me, I would have sounded just as miffed as them. This was a little subpar on the whole and I have nothing to comment on individually for everyone. It was a decent performance in dance and singing, but there was absolutely no passion, no energy, no drive. I guess Yoseob's angelic smile fixes everything. Otherwise, this song really fell flat. 2/5. :(

The next song of this series of boy-parodies would be Girls' Generation's 'Gee'.

One of the year's biggest hits, this song has won 'Song of the Year' at the Melon Music Awards. Many have speculated that if SME had not made its artists boycott the Mnet Asian Music Awards, 'Gee' would have grabbed another 'Song of the Year' award instead of 2NE1's 'I Don't Care'. I have no opinions on that, since I personally wasn't so into 2NE1 after 'Fire' because of their sudden popularity rise. My favourite of Girls' Generation has to be Tiffany and this was a great song. The boy-parody followed suit with their matching skinnys, even if the tops were of a different concept.

Presenting our boy-parody version is (in order of singing): SHINee Taemin, Super Junior Heechul, Super Junior Sungmin, SHINee Minho (OMG BOY YOU SO HOT, MINHOT), Super Junior Leeteuk.

This was a very creative and fun performance, with a lot of adlibs at the end by 'Heesica'. While I think everyone did a fabulous job dancing, since SHINee and Super Junior are from the same company as Girls' Generation, the singing was live for this one. Which surprised me a little. I think it was good, not fabulously done, not like 'wow omg!' but just, 'oh, okay. nice.' Leeteuk had a little difficult with his adlib, but I don't blame him. The range must've been way out of his own. O: No guy to be singing like a woman unless his name is Shim Changmin or Jo Kwon or maybe even Onew. I totally cannot agree with Taemin's hair. He looks like the stylist grabbed the nearest mop, dyed it black, tied a ponytail and plopped it on his head. An unrealistic wig that doesn't really suit Taemin at all. He would have looked nicer with his School of Rock wig or maybe if this had been during the 'Juliette' period, just his own natural hair. Heechul just creeps me out, just a note, so I'm not gonna comment (dude he kissed like three dudes before, one of them who is dancing alongside him and he totally doesn't seem uncomfortable. this is weird). Minho was... unbearably cute with his little ponytail and OMG HE ACTUALLY FUCKING SANG. LIKE OMG WTF. He never gets lines in SHINee songs but BAM! Put him in someone else's song and he actually gets a fucking line. Like the other time with Super Junior's 'Miracle' too.

And Sungmin... idek. Super Junior members make me speechless. Or I'm a lazy bitch and don't have any opinion on them. Both are pretty accurate. :D I think it might be because I'm not a fan of Girls' Generation's genre, but I really don't get any feeling from this song. It was well-executed and all, but once again, I'm not getting that vibe that makes me feel like this is really a marvelous performance. Not much passion if you ask me, just a bunch of guys fooling around and pretending to be little girls. Effort acknowledged. 3/5.

And last song of this review thingamabob. I have no idea what I'm doing here. :D 'Bo Beep Bo Beep' by T-ARA. Personally, I would have preferred 'T.T.L' or 'Lies' over this song, or even 'Like the Beginning', but I guess they wanted to perform this song because it was cute and fun. I notice we didn't get any renditions of emo songs, yes?

Mostly because of the girlish clothes of this song, I think the guys opted for a different, more simple clothes concept. They retained the faux ears and paws, but that's about the only similarity between their outfits. I think Jiyeon has got to be one of the cutest girls alive and I really wanna squish her. She's one of the few girls I do like out of all the female idols. I like most of them, but there are only a few whom I really watch out for.

Our male little kittens would be from 2PM (according to shirt colour, since its hard to tell who's singing if you don't recognize their voices): 2PM Junho (grey), 2PM Nichkhun (red), 2PM Wooyoung (yellow YAY WOO MY FAV COLOUR) and 2PM Junsu (blue).

I don't have much to say about this song either. The recorded singing sounded very forced, especially during the chorus. I understand the notes are hard to hit for them, but they sounded bad. Just really bad. I think it would've been better if you'd gotten 2AM Jo Kwon, SHINee Key and SHINee Taemin to join 2PM Wooyoung in this song instead. I really didn't like this performance at all, so I don't really wanna comment on it. Just added this in because it was part of the series of songs and it would be mean to leave it out. 2/5 only and no comments, srsly.

If I were to recommend any songs out of the few boy-parodies, I would definitely pick 'Sign' and 'Muzik'. Both were well-performed songs by the male idols and I really liked these two performances the most. Hope you enjoyed this little post and had fun watching those guys performing all those female songs. :D

★,
Julle 주월

BREAK OUT!

2009-12-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

I still have one follower. I'm also still following that one person. Hmm...

In any case, I'll blog about Hong Kong/Shenzhen/Macau like tomorrow or something because right now its about 11+ and I have tuition at 930 tomorrow, so I'm not gonna start now and end at like 1 in the morning which I usually end up doing when I blog about something. This one is gonna be a short one about today.

I totally knocked out last night after that cup of tomyum noodles, so I slept until like 4:30pm this afternoon. LIKE OMG WTF. I was so tired from all that accumulated exhaustion of the trip and just concussed fully yesterday with no worries of having to wake up at a stipulated timing. (Actually tbch, I was supposed to wake up at like... 11:30am to go to SMU with Janeyfart, but then I just couldn't wake up and she left without me. Oops.)

When I did wake up, I checked my phone and got a message from Janeyfart, who asked if I had risen from my dead sleep and if I wanted to meet her in town. First of all, I did wake up already. At that point of time I was still snuggling in bed, warm under the thick duvet and still hugging Xiaobai. That equates to me not wanting to get out or move at all. I really wanted to reply at the time: "No, gtfo and let me go back to sleep. Kthnxbai." But I didn't. I eventually crawled out of bed like I was crawling out of a grave, though. Getting downstairs was hard and why? Because my legs hurt like wtfplzsaveme.

In the end, after about an hour of trying to wash up with lots of procrastinating by searching for a massage parlour on the Internet, I rolled my lazy ass out of the house and went to town. She totally needs to be grateful that I accompanied her around. :/ We ate at PS first (Indonesia BBQ chicken rice or something like that, but it was total godlike food. Srsly.) then we headed over to Orchard to shop around (mainly Wisma and Taka, I didn't notice that we were anywhere else from those two except ION, which we were only in because of the MRT exit). I bought new Face Shop toner! :D From their Ice Flower range (the blue bottles, in case you haven't noticed before in Face Shop).

The previous lady there lied to me. D<

It really puzzles me though, one thing. My counter tells me that other than me, there have been people reading my blog. However, this counter goes up every time someone visits the page and cannot recognize if its various readers or just one creeper who keeps coming back and checking constantly. So, if you're a reader of this blog, leave a comment behind in my cbox and let me know your existence, if you don't mind. I really am interested in knowing who reads my blog, besides Michi, whom I know does read this because she already commented once.

I'm doing a mask today, just noting it down here so I don't do it again too soon. Is it weird to read your own blog? Any opinions from whoever reads this?

I opened Christmas presents yesterday and it was pretty good. I got a UNIQLO bag, 3 pieces of underwear and a daily planner from Jean. My iPhone was my Christmas present from my mom. Janeyfart got me a daily planner too, like oshit. Even though it wasn't the same one, it was yellow too and had a rubber binder around it LOL. My sisters think exactly the same way. I wouldn't have minded if they'd either one gotten me a bear instead though. :/ I want teddy bears, people! I love collecting teddy bears. <3

I think I put on my mask too long, my head is spinning. Gonna go wash it off now. Have a nice night, y'all. Remember to comment if you exist! :D

★,
Julle 주월

Crazy

2009-12-23T01:24:00.003+08:00

To be honest there isn't anything much I feel like blogging about, but I have to say, this video you're going to see (watch, would be your own decision) features one of my favourite moments of Yoon leader from B2ST/BEAST.

Leader-yah, why are you picking Yoseob's hair like he has lice or something? And the way you cried out, "booooored!!!" was so epic. Why are you so epic, Yoon leader? I also loved Hyunseung's spacing out-ness and Junhyung being totally isolated from everyone. Roflol. Jun-mom has been abandoned by his children. Kikwang and Dongwoon were really random though. Using the computer. Maybe Kikwang was hogging that's why Yoon leader was so bored that he had to pick lice from Yoseob's hair (most important, why does Yoseob have lice? LOL KIDDING. But he seems pretty unfazed by the head picking of Yoon leader).

Okay, I leave you to enjoy this little movie promotion/OST song preview. I can't wait to hear the full song of 'Crazy' and I hope Dongwoon gets a few lines at least. It wouldn't be bad if they promoted this song too! The dance looks kind of catchy. :D

*EDIT*

Because people kept commenting about how KK is always standing behind the other members. Maybe he's tired from all the stuff he has to do? He does practice like crazy with the other members, plus he has to do High Kick prep and filming, which is really a draining thing to do. Maybe he doesn't like to stand in front? Maybe they (as in Cube) asked him to stand behind and let his other members take the centre stage? There could be a lot of possible reasons why, but we don't know. I don't think we should be making comments like B2ST/BEAST isn't close, that the rest isolate AJ because he's been solo, that the rest purposefully make him stand one step back.

First of all, they've officially announced it somewhere or they said it themselves in a clip before that Yoseob and Kikwang have been friends since high school (this I cannot confirm because I only read it off some profile). Second of all, Dongwoon said that he trained a lot with Kikwang (and for the longest or something, not so sure about this bit) and the both of them are really close friends. There isn't any reason to suspect that they aren't close or they isolate him in the first place. If anybody, wouldn't they isolate Hyunseung and Junhyung more? First of all, Junhyung was initially in XING Entertainment. He's like a previous outsider, he probably had a little fame as a member of XING and being known as Poppin' Dragon. Why don't they leave him out instead? And Hyunseung, this is his second attempt at being in a band, he had commitments with Big Bang before until he was eliminated. It's like for some girls, knowing that their partners aren't virgin when they are during their first night. Okay, extreme and highly inappropriate example to compare, but that's how it feels like. You might probably say that Kikwang as AJ was worse, a combination of the two, and I do agree that it might seem like he was worse. But in the end, they all don't really have a choice, do they? They just want to pursue their dreams and I don't think any of the boys in B2ST/BEAST would blame any of their following band mates for just working their hardest to fulfill the same dream they all share. I like to think that it would be to make music that others can enjoy or something along those lines, but even if it isn't, that's okay.

I've been writing this edit since last night and I don't really wanna just save it as a draft, so I'm gonna just post it as it is. I might come back and edit it, but I think I mentioned before in one of my previous posts, I usually won't unless I have a bursting desire to do it. Which I don't.

I'm going to get ready to go overseas now. Wish me a happy holiday if you want. No blogging from today till 27th (Sunday), then tuition on Monday and Tuesday. Yaaaaay. My life is horrible. :/ But I brought it onto myself.

See you guys soon.

★,
Julle 주월

JoJo

2009-12-22T01:54:00.002+08:00

거봐 그녈 좀 봐, 나쯤이야 잊는 건 쉽다고
믿고 싶지 않아 oh~ ah~ 잠이 오지 않는 밤
머리 아픈 이 짓이 너무 지겨워
무릎 꿇고, 가슴치고, 울어봐도,
도 안 되는 건 안 되니

슬픈 음악이 흐를 때 널 생각해 (eh eh eh)
날 잘못했니

So many nights I wonder why
What can I do to make it right

울고 싶진 않아 oh~ ah~ 깊이 할퀴어 버린 맘
머리 아픈 이 짓이 너무 지겨워
취해봐도 그 취한 속을 비워봐도,
도 안 되는 건 안되니

날 잘못했니
난 모르겠어 아, 아직도

넌 아니, 이리도 차가운 Heart!

슬픈 음악이 흐를 때 널 생각해 (eh eh eh)
날 잘못했니

Original song by SHINee, 'JoJo'. I cut out some bits and modified some others. This song does not belong to me, neither do the lyrics that appear here, though the modifications are my work. I do not claim this as mine, I'm just posting this up because these are wonderful lyrics. If this belonged to me, I'd be a really happy person, because I'm that talented (which in real life I'm actually not ㅠㅠ)

★,
Julle 주월

Mystery

2009-12-22T00:59:00.002+08:00

Today's post is a short one. I had a lot of things to talk about but because of one small, little trivial matter, I've decided to just post this instead of choosing a proper topic to blog about. After all, this is just the place where I rant, so this is today's rant. The most important one of today.

내가 필요 없다면 내가 싫어진거면
그냥 네 앞에서 꺼져줄게

No matter how far left I go, I'm still so cold inside.

The Korean words and the single English sentence above are not related. Just two expressions of how I felt today (or at least for the past few hours). I really wish that I could lose my voice forever, even if I can't sing the songs I love anymore, even if I can't scream for all my Korean idols, I would really be okay with losing my voice. I have a great lack of mind-vocal box coordination. All the words that I shouldn't have said keep coming out all the time, so it would just be the best if I could lose my voice. I don't really need it anyway. I figure I'll become a better person if I do lose my voice.

나는... 항상 잘못했니. 정말 죄송합니다. 나는 왜 그렇게 못해서?

Living life now is 정말 안되는데. 도와주세요.

★,
Julle 주월

Bad Girl (remix)

2009-12-20T23:31:00.003+08:00

I noticed the mainly title my posts by the song I'm listening to at the moment, if not then the lyrics that are in the song. I'm not a very creative person. :/

I just read the full interview with SHINee from Dazed and Confused Korea, which I'm assuming is some sort of fashion magazine. It was a little incoherent and I didn't understand some bits (maybe because I'm the incoherent one right now. I'm really sleepy for some random reason) but it was on the whole, a very intriguing and impressive interview. I didn't know the SHINee members had so much depth to them, but then again, they are human beings like you and me, so I really shouldn't be so surprised. In any case, I learned a bit more about them. I also realized that I want to be as mature as they are too. They don't think like most teenagers who are only concerned about themselves (maybe just Singaporean teenagers). They think like responsible people who are taking charge of their own lives.

I liked that the most out of the whole interview. I'm at an age now when everyone tells me I'll be rebelling, emotional and pretty much a wreck. I know it can't really be helped when my hormones just work the way they do, but I really don't want that to happen. I want to be able to behave responsibly and maturely, despite the fact that I'm not at the age when people expect me to do so. While I want to enjoy my adolescence, right now, at this moment, I don't want to cause trouble for the people around me. I don't want to make my mom upset, although I think if she read my previous post about her she would be. I have no proper excuse as to why I got so annoyed and I still don't understand why, although I have a feeling it might be my hormones or just because I'm so bad-tempered. I want to be able to think through things clearly before I do silly things like immortalizing impulsive and rash thoughts on the Internet.

As much as I regretted that post (I don't even want to read it now), I don't want to remove it either. I want to be someone who sticks to what I said and take responsibility for them. I don't want to be a coward who hides what they regret under a carpet. I don't want to be that kind of person. I guess I should apologize to my mom and do something to make up for it, but I know I might hurt her again in the near future. I don't want to keep apologizing to her, because then it might slowly become something insincere. I'm really scratching my head over what I should do.

I hope that I can grow up soon mentally so that I can say the right words and think of the right thoughts. I read a quote once (although this may not be an absolutely accurate copy, but this is the rough idea of the quote): "To be human and to connect with the ones around you is to hurt them and let them hurt you."

I don't want that kind of thing. I want to be human and connect with the ones around me without having to hurt them. I want to understand my family and the precious few friends I have without hurting them. I want to be generous and be willing to be hurt by them, but I can't say that. I don't want to feel anguish and sorrow ever again. The emptiness that burrowed so deeply within me, like a bullet lodged in some part of me that is hard to remove, still causes aches. I'm still fragile and delicate from the previous damage that was caused to me. I don't think I have or will ever realize just how large the impact is because I can't look at myself in that way, but I know it affects me even till now. Even when I don't want to admit.

I guess the only good thing about growing up is just becoming more mature and aware of such things. Hmm... pointless post, but this might seem like I want to grow up faster (like age faster). I think I just want to become more mentally mature, is all.

Let's live life without regrets and smile always. I want to be able to live that kind of life. Someone, please take my hand and teach me, lead my way.

I think my greatest flaws are my low self-confidence, low self-esteem and my laziness. The Big Three in my life that are holding me back. I have to really get rid of all these things.

Julle Kim 파이팅!

★,
Julle 줄레

Bobble

2009-12-20T00:23:00.004+08:00

Okay, I have to say. I pretty much hate the hell out of most recent English songs. Why? Because I seriously dislike Caucasian idols, Americans (mostly). People like Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, whoever else the fuck, I don't really like you guys. Now someone called me opinionated for saying this once, but fuck off, this is my blog. Now, I can't really tell you why I hate most English music so much. Maybe because I just don't like their kind of style of music. I have to say, to most other people, I have really bad taste. My sister's boyfriend calls my kind of music complete crap (well, tbh, fuck you and your oldies or whatever the hell you do like) so yeah. I like hiphop quite a bit, mostly stuff like Epik High (a bunch of Crown J songs but does he really qualify as hiphop?). I also happen to like some black musicians. I think we would classify Ne-yo under that, yes/no? If no, lemme know because I'm not good at all these genre shit. I can't tell the difference in genres at all, unless you give me kpop and some ballad, then there's definitely the large difference. Otherwise, for most dance songs, I cannot really differentiate between genres (I think someone told me I like R&B music once too).

Someone, please enlighten me about how the different genres are different. Anyway, so one of my latest crazes are BEAST/B2ST, courtesy of Oppa, as usual. I checked out their MTV B2ST documentary and in one of the latest subbed episodes (4, for those who don't subscribe to b2stlysubs on youtube yet, go do that now), they did a dance mission. Basically, they were split into two different groups and then asked to choreograph something original to the same song. They were then judged by a bunch of noobz (no offence, they looked pretty nooby to me) although I did agree with those noobz that Yoon leader's group had better choreography and danced, on the whole, better. However, they were later judged by their dance teacher who decided the winner based on team work. From the subs, I interpreted that he doesn't really like the choreography that much or something like that, but he awarded Junhyung's team (for people who don't really like Junhyung and notice him, in other words, AJ/Kikwang's team) the win. Why? Because they supported each other like real team mates.

Now, you might be asking me, what the fuck is the point of this whole post? Well, this is pretty straightforward. I just kind of fell in love with the song that they danced to. For all you people who were like me and don't know what song they danced to, its R.Kelly's 'Bobble'.

I'm not a big fan of the video itself, but BEAST/B2ST didn't really dance the full song. If you guys are interested to watch BEAST/B2ST dance to the song instead, here's that video.

They danced to some other beat in the beginning before 'Bobble', probably something Cube Entertainment produced themselves. It was after that, then they danced to 'Bobble'. If you did go ahead and watch Episode 4 of MTV B2ST (the documentary), then you would also notice some of the choreo is from Junhyung's team.

Okay, besides that, I have to say. This is one hell of a good song. Buuuuuut, as usual, despite the fact that I'm pretty vulgar and coarse myself, I really dislike the lyrics of the song. This song was really awesome for me until I really listened to the words that was spewing from the song and then I went like, "fuck". It happens sometime in the song too, but this is a totally different issue. It might be the feminist in me that hates gender bias (but I'm a hypocrite, really, who isn't? Other than Jesus maybe), but I hate how the song is talking about some girl who is apparently really sexy.

Lyrics can be found here: http://www.elyricsworld.com/bobble_lyrics_r._kelly.html

If that's any accurate, then I really cannot take the lyrics. It is really, really sexual. If you guys are really pure (unlike me), then this wouldn't make much sense to you, this would be a really harmless song, but hell. I live in a male chauvinistic society, so I hate it when females are spoken about sexually in a song and portrayed in such poor light (as if we're as loose and easy as they make us sound). I assume the 'little crack' in the song is referring to an ass crack (unless we're talking about cleavage which is the same damn thing). I find that seeing female ass cracks are disgusting. Women like that just want attention, either that or they like airing their asses to the world, but most of the people I know cringe at the idea of others seeing their ass cracks. Okay, so I'm Asian, but seriously, to see a female ass crack (or any ass crack at all) is disgusting. It is so. Not. Sexy. I also searched the dictionary definition of the word 'bobble'. Now, typically this word means;

a small ball made of strands of wool used as a decoration on a hat or on furnishings

-however, I don't think 'she makes it a small ball made of strands of wool used as a decoration on a hat or on furnishings' is the right definition we're looking for here. Another definition of the word is;

mishandle (a ball)

-let's try to fit this in again: 'she makes it mishandle (a ball)'. Nope, I don't think we're looking at this definition here. Okay! One last try, this one has definitely got to be the winner.

move with an irregular bouncing motion

-once again: 'she makes it move with an irregular bouncing motion'. Now I think this would be the most accurate definition of the word 'bobble' (please take note that the last two definitions were defined in verb form, there are noun form defintions which are basically of the same meaning too, for the word 'bobble'). It clicked right in my mind, thinking of the lyrics and the whole mood of lyrics, that he's referring to boobs of the mentioned female in the song and how 'she makes it move with an irregular bouncing motion'.

In case you guys still aren't picking up on what I'm trying to point out, the simple translation would be: he's staring at her boobs while they jiggle.

The stereotype that most Asians don't understand English is pretty true for Koreans, since I doubt that Cube Entertainment would air something like that (and use it for their dance teaser) if they really knew what the song meant, since Asians are still conservative (maybe not Japan). This is the country that banned TVXQ!'s 'Mirotic' because of the line 'I got you~ under my skin'. That was either a scandal to create more unnecessary attention for the song or they really are strict for no good reason. What is seriously so damaging to young youths about an English line of the song that no one understands (both the band, their audience and the lyricist)? Either way, so I figured they might not accept the word 'fuck'. Seems like they did however and did not ban this dance teaser off most channels (since there would likely be some news about it if they did). <--- Okay, all that was just a random little rant about the stereotype of how Asians don't understand and can't speak English. Or mostly how Asians just don't comprehend English. However, I disprove that stereotype/hypothesis. My English is more kick ass than some native English speakers (apparently, for example, Americans who stereotype against us a lot and the Englishmen, who I heard do stereotype against us a lot too) out there (either that or you guys just don't bother to type in proper English, which just pisses me off some times). Honestly, I got to say though, I think the stereotype comes mostly from Americans, but I was just being politically correct (to some extent). This is what I really wanted to type: My English is more kick ass than loads of Americans leaving shit comments on Youtube, especially the ones who flame my fandoms (= korean music). I just had to say this because really, sometimes you guys are dense. I'll expand more, if possible, about this later after I'm done getting pissed over the lyrics of 'Bobble'.

Anyway, back to our main subject, which was me saying how females are portrayed in the lyrics of 'Bobble'. I cited the reason of shitty lyrics as to why I dislike English songs, but I do like 'Bobble' despite its shitty lyrics, so I have to correct what I said. I dislike most mainstream English music because their kind of music, to me, is just shit (see: Miley Cyrus). I think the reason why the lyrics turned out this way is because Americans are just so sexed up (reminds me a little of a certain someone who pisses me off because of the same reason, although I do have my mood swings in the sexual direction positively sometimes, mostly I just think sex is gross, but hey, I gotta admit hypocrisy is hypocrisy).

American women probably do behave that way, which is the result of the lyrics of 'Bobble'. Either that or songs like that brainwash women into behaving that way thinking that guys like R.Kelly might actually fuck them if they do (if that is, they're into R.Kelly that way but for me, if it were R.Kelly, I'd be doing the entire opposite. Sorry, R.Kelly). Okay, so maybe the point of this post wasn't that R.Kelly's 'Bobble' rocked. It kind of veered into the direction that - I hate Americans for being sexed up and disgusting that way (see: "I just think sex is gross").

Back to the subject of me thinking that Americans are dense because some of you, although not all of you because I do have some charmingly intelligent American friends from online, still think Singapore is a part of China. This totally mind boggles me because Singapore doesn't even sound have as close to most of the names of places in China (i.e: Beijing, Shanghai, Hainan, Fujian, Heilongjiang etc.) I mean, if you heard of Singapore's name in Mandarin Chinese, which would be Xinjiapo, I would still understand. But honestly! Singapore doesn't sound like a place that comes out of China. The people who tell me this aren't even kids or teenagers, who I would forgive (somewhat, although not entirely) because they might not have learnt about it. It is the adults who presume that Singapore is a part of China that I dislike horribly. Also, the foreigner (note: This foreigner was a Caucasian and not a native of the country) whom I met in Koh Samui.

"So where you from?"

"Singapore."

"Oh, Singapore... -pauses because he's trying to be friendly and market his goods too, but he doesn't know what to say and ends up saying the following, trying to be intelligent- So which part of Singapore are you from?"

Now if he had any sense in that mind of his, he would have told us he didn't know where Singapore was from, apologize and maybe ask more about Singapore. However, he went ahead and asked one of the most ridiculous questions I've ever heard about my own country and I shall repeat this quote:

"So which part of Singapore are you from?"

Maybe there are people like him, who probably don't understand my fury about this whole situation, but Singapore is an island city-state (country thing). We are not like America (the United States of America) that has 53 states (the last time someone taught me unless they lied to me). The only thing we have that is closest to the 53 states of America are divisions. We have areas like Hougang, Jurong, Tanjong Katong, Bukit Timah, Tampines, but it is no way a proper equivalent of the 53 states of America.

And I bet even if I told him where I was from, he wouldn't even know. It wouldn't be like the following situation:

"So where you from?"

"America."

"Oh, America! Which part of America are you from?"

"Los Angeles."

"Oh, LA! -proceeds to mention something about LA from his vague knowledge of it in his mind-"

It would go more like this:

"So where you from?"

"Singapore."

"Oh, Singapore! So which part of Singapore are you from?"

"Yio Chu Kang."

"-stares with a 'what the fuck is Yio Chu Kang I barely even know where Singapore is (is it in China?)' face-"

Yeah, so that is pretty much how it would go down. Some people are so fucking stupid. Either way, I'm just going to leave the matter there. This post is far too long for my liking and I need a shower at like 1:30am. What the fuck. I really need to sleep. I might come back and continue this post (although that would be highly unlikely). So enjoy R.Kelly's 'Bobble' and that awesome video of BEAST/B2ST showing off their slick moves to that song.

★,
Julle 줄레

dancing shoes

2009-12-19T17:53:00.002+08:00

I guess I must be in the rebellious stage right now, because whatever my mother says just pisses me off so badly all the time right now. I would like to be a nice, obedient daughter, but it is so hard when you just keep nagging at me. About the most stupid things ever too. Is it so hard for you to live when my room is messy? I honestly don't understand why the hell you have to pick at my room all the time when it isn't even that messy. Obviously you have no grasp on what messy can truly be, because I can show you if I want to. My room isn't even dirty! Just because I have a few cables around on my table, plastic bags and other random stuff on my table, that makes it messy? What the fuck is wrong with you? Really, if it bothers you that much then try and clean it up!

I really want to point out a quote that I read before, "If a cluttered desk is a cluttered mind, what then of an empty desk?" So what if I have random things on my table that don't really matter? It just means my thoughts are random. So what if I can't keep my room spotlessly clean all the time? Why the fuck is that your problem and why the fuck do you have to keep pointing it out? And always the same fucking thing-

"You keep using your computer throughout the whole holiday, didn't even clean your room! Every time after tuition just come home and use the computer!"

Well, what the fuck have you been doing during my holiday? From the moment I said I needed a new study chair until now, what the fuck have you done to buy me a new one? Sure, you spoke about it a few times and went out to check things out, went to try and get the chair that the designer recommended, then after that? What the fuck did you do?! I'm still straining myself on the same chair day after day. My back is so fucking sore now. Sure, you can say, then stop sitting at the computer the whole day, but then what the fuck can I do? For your information, I have not been glued to this chair the whole holiday. If you noticed, I went swimming a bunch of times this holiday and I've been out shopping with you a bunch of times too. I've been accompanying Oppa wherever Jean brings the both of us.

I can safely tell you, even though I spent an almost indecent amount of time on the computer, I have not been here the whole holiday. You can't fucking complain that I don't go out either, because you don't fucking let me! "Stay at home and watch the maid and those workers." This is proof that you are the one who is keeping me at home. Plus, your daughter doesn't have any friends because you raised her fucking badly so her attitude is this shitty and no one wants to be her friend. If there is anything wrong with me, search your fucking self first because you are the person who raised me to be the way I am and nothing else affected me.

Seriously, what the fuck does one do in a house that has nothing but television and computer and Internet connection? Okay, so we have a Wii too, but in the end you'll just fucking be like, "you've been playing the whole holiday, why don't you clean your room?" I LIKE MY ROOM FUCKING MESSY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. This is the exact condition that I like my room to be like so that it doesn't feel like a fucking hotel, fuck. I hate the sterility that being clean brings. I like being dirty because I am dirty and it is a safety blanket for me. I feel comfortable being a little dirty, because then I don't feel so terribly naked like I do when I'm sparkling clean.

I don't fucking like being alone. So stop trying to make me feel even lonelier than I already am. You don't fucking give a damn about me, leaving me at home all the time. So you fetch me to and fro tuition when I can go there myself, provided I wake up at ungodlike times like 6 fucking am. But what the hell happens on those rides? Phone calls with other people, nagging at me to clean up my fucking act, talking about YOUR life and your leftover problems from something that should've fucking ended the day you two got divorced. Stop venting your frustration on me! I have nothing to do with the fact that your ex-husband won't stop bugging you and intruding into your life. Even if he wants to look for me and he is bothering you for that, its not my fucking fault I was born as his daughter. Sometimes I feel like hanging out with him just to spite you and hurt you, but I never do. I always defend you from him, I always try to protect you so hard and I don't do things like meeting him when I know you feel like shit when I do it.

I feel so fucking screwed up now because I'm all alone with no one hearing the screams I want to let out so badly right now. There's no one around to wipe my tears away but myself and the teddy bears I drown myself in because they feel like the only kind of warmth I can find for myself. They are the ones who are always there for me, unlike you, who lied to me when you said you would always support me. You are the one hurting me all the fucking time! You know why I have so many bears? To make up for that void you leave all the fucking time. It's always been like that, even since I was a baby and you were the one who told me that.

You've never had time for me. You had to go back to work after I was born, so I was thrust into the hands of someone else, a substitute for you. Everything was a fucking substitute for you. Why the hell does this happen to me so much. Everything is just a fucking substitute. I never get the real thing. The love you give me is a substitute too. A substitute for the father I will and never fucking had.

I feel like total shit right now. I just feel like getting into dancing shoes and running away from all this bullshit. I'm going to go sleep now with Xiaobai and Woonie.

You really, really make me feel pissed off.

★,
Julle 줄레

난 잘못했어

2009-12-16T23:55:00.003+08:00

Finally hitting my big 100 posts.

The longest I've ever committed to something. I feel proud of myself for this, but I'm in a really awful mood. I think I'm going to have my period soon, which would really explain this stupid self I've been these few days. I don't know why I'm so moody and bipolar and just so easily annoyed. Everything she does just pisses me off so badly and I think I've tweeted more than a hundred times by now because I was so angry and had no other outlet to blow it off. If I could, I would turn into the Sua of my story and beat someone up. Perhaps maybe myself. I think I'll beat myself up. I hate this side of me that's broken through and suddenly taken over. The person I have tried so hard to suppress and kill, she's come back again with such a vengeance and I don't even know how she did that.

I really want to strangle her to death, so I can go back to being a good younger sister, a good daughter, someone who doesn't snap at others and doesn't lose her temper so easily. Someone who was optimistic and could look at the bright side of things. This... is the real me. This side that has forced its way through all my inner walls, torn apart all those security blankets, this is who I really am. And I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. This 'me' who I can't control and cannot hold back anymore, she causes me to feel so humiliated. She is disgusting. Spoilt, short-tempered, demanding, unapologetic. This is the side of me I've hidden from everyone. Selfish. Really, really selfish. Self-centred.

이런 내가 찐자 싫다

I can't even begin to express the tip of the iceberg. This is barely the beginning of how dirty I feel, being like this on the inside, being like this in reality. I want to live in my fantasy forever. I want to be a good person. I want to pretend I am a good person. I don't want to be a bad person. I can't accept this part of me that is so... incorrigible. With her comes the memories I've tried so hard to forget and erase. She is the past. The past is full of things I never want to see again, never want to bring forth again. Everything that has already happened in my life, if I could, I would take it all away right now.

Insecure, self-centred, self-absorbed me. It isn't a wonder that no one likes me. It isn't a wonder that no one befriends me. It isn't a wonder that I make even my own family members dislike me. Right now, I feel really lost. I just want to cry so badly. I feel so weak. Who the hell am I anymore? Identity crisis, I guess you could call this an identity crisis. I wished this was mistaken identity. I want to believe that this isn't who I really am, that I'm just too paranoid, that I focus too much on my flaws. But that isn't true. I'm almost so sure that I really am like this. When I stare in the mirror, I see a girl who is so ugly, it is so hard to look at her. When I see past the superficial, when I dig into her, those smiles seem so ugly.

I can't believe that she still has people who love her. It just seems like a miracle. I hate myself so much.

난 지금 부터 어떻게?

The conclusion to this post, I guess I'll write it another time. When I'll post it, I don't know. But I want to look forward to the day when I can finally love myself and stop wincing whenever I look at myself, stop frowning, stop crying. I want to find that day when I'll be able to look at myself and see an improved version of myself. Until then, I'll keep trying to change this stubborn self. I'll kill that girl that I hate so much and be reborn.

Re-featuring because, 난 찐자 잘못했니

(What a stupid 100th post post. :/)

★,
Julle 줄레

Dream Team

2009-12-15T20:09:00.002+08:00

Last post before we're hitting a triple digit post count.

This feels like a really great achievement,

because I've never ever been so committed to something before.

I feel really proud of myself for being able to come so far,

with this blog. <3

To celebrate my pre-100 posts thing (lol thing),

I present to you an episode of Dream Team!

It was Dream Team vs Korea's best base ball team, the Kia Tigers!

It was a really funny and interesting episode,

thanks to one of the members on the Kia Tigers team.

I can't really remember his name though,

because he doesn't appear too much in the second half. O:

Either way, it was a great match between both teams.

If you like watching variety shows with good eye candy (imo),

with sports and guys running around competing each other,

this is a pretty decent show.

Dream Team this week features:

Danny An (from former idol group, g.o.d, that is currently on hiatus); Leader

Lee Hyukjae (a famous Korean MC)

Chung Lim (rookie solo artist in Korea)

RUN (another rookie solo artist from LOEN Entertainment which also produced IU)

Eunhyuk (from popular idol group, Super Junior)

and last but definitely not the least,

Minho (from SM Entertainment's newest boy band, SHINee; also the winner of a previous Dream Team challenge, the boy-hero of Dream Team who achieved their first victory)

If you can't already tell,

I'm actually extremely biased to Minho.

Well, this was a really adrenaline full episode.

Spoiler (highlight to see):

This goes to show you,

looks are helluva deceiving!

The boy who everyone called beautiful,

is now the hero of Dream Team and their ace for the second time!

And his competitors weren't fellow celebrities,

they weren't easy either,

because like I've said before and will now reiterate,

they are Korea's best base ball team.

I think this will teach everyone to stop looking down on Minho,

if they do right now,

just because he has a really pretty face.

I was almost sure that Minho might lose,

since, we're not kidding here, it's the Kia Tigers!

But I'm really glad he ended up winning!

Congratulations, Minho!

On another different note,

I also decided to feature a song,

because it has been both annoying and good to listen to.

I don't know why I'm doing this over any other U-Kiss song,

or some B2ST song or video or some shit,

but I am doing this.

I actually dislike the chorus,

even though Oppa is the reverse.

He loves the chorus and dislikes the verses.

I prefer the rapping bits of this song,

and I really don't like the ending bit,

when its really chill and Minji is singing.

Not because Minji is singing,

but mostly because it was too chill.

I liked the beginning and all,

but the mushy parts got on my nerves.

I'm more into the hiphop element of this song. O:

So see you soon on my 100th post,

although this isn't such a big deal for most people,

but I feel like I should highlight this for everyone. :D

★,

Julle 줄레

T.T.L

2009-12-15T12:47:00.002+08:00

I was really freaked out last night for some weird reason,

when I was showering,

I was so afraid something white would appear in the black crack of my window

(the one that isn't covered by the curtain).

I was so paranoid that something was gonna pop up and kill me or something. :/

I must have done something really bad to feel this way.

Either that or I'm just stupid and scared of nonexistent things.

I'm pretty much the product of too much Hollywood movies, I think.

Anyway, I dreamt about going back to school again,

as a secondary 3 student this time T_T

From the dreams I can still remember,

I dreamt about it once before.

That one was just weird and creepy.

I had forgotten all my books on the first day,

and for some weird, crappy reason,

Mr Sim (my English teacher from this year) was my form teacher. O:

Instead of going through all those administrative shit that most teachers do,

he took out an English textbook and started reading from it.

And I got into trouble for forgetting my textbooks,

even though I brought all my workbooks. :/

Anyway, last night's dream was a little different,

it almost felt like a real first day of school,

except it was a little too dreamlike.

I heard all those voices in my head and everything was a little foggy.

Either way, I dreamt about being sorted into class,

I met a new person and her younger sister,

then we made friends and had a lot of fun running up and down the school,

even though it didn't look quite like my school at all.

And for some random reason,

probably because I was hugging onto him,

my teddy bear appeared in school with me.

He was in one of the Science labs when I went in,

and our teacher was saying a load of bullshit about him,

since I apparently left him there before class.

After that we started playing because Xiaobai was cute.

This totally makes no sense. D<

I have such stupid dreams.

But I am looking forward to the re-opening of school,

mostly because I want to see my new classmates.

And I'm also strongly in the mood to study. :D

Don't ask me why I'm such a weirdo.

I can't help it. D<

Personally, I think the schools should keep having short breaks,

aside from weekends.

This gives students resting time,

while also somewhat increasing the school year by removing long breaks.

It would also keep the students' studying motivation going,

because a lot of people stop studying during the holidays,

and lose that rhythm that loads of people need to study.

Sounds logical right?

Right.

But I guess people who enjoy their long holidays wouldn't want this.

Either way, I dislike overly long holidays. :(

★,
Julle 줄레

Finally

2009-12-14T20:43:00.002+08:00

1-st question. Priorities in your life:

1: LOVE
2: PRIDE
3: CAREER
4: FAMILY
5: MONEY

2-nd question:

Cute implies your own personality.
Shrewd implies personality of your partner.
Disgusting implies the personality of your enemies
Bitter- It is how you interpret sex.
Wide implies your own life.

3-rd question:

Vernice - Someone you will never forget.
Yuxi - Someone you consider your true friend.
Hillary - Someone that you really love.
Lisabelle - Your twin soul.
Kiven - Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life.

To be honest this quiz isn't that accurate,

because family definitely is in the higher up of my list,

amongst all those things there.

I'm definitely not cute either.

(I was thinking cute but bitchy,

I'll admit I'm bitchy but I'm not cute).

I won't even comment on the rest there. :/

And Lisabelle is definitely not my twin soul.

I don't even talk to Yuxi.

Either way, this is pretty much full of shit.

But I can't help to believe it.

Well, not mine anyway.

It kind of hurts, it pierces and it gets stuck,

but I can't help but cling onto it.

I've ever thought of abandoning it,

but I always end up shoving back into me.

Just like the Heart in the Brave Brothers' "Finally" MV,

featuring Kevin and Alexander for the vocals.

But I think I finally have the strength now,

to pull that shard out for ever.

I want to leave us behind,

so that it'll stop hurting me.

I'm being selfish, but wasn't I always?

It's not like you really need me anymore anyway,

I can't help but feel stupid.

They were all probably just lies,

the words you always wanted to say,

but I wasn't that person you really wanted to say them to.

I feel so fooled.

I must have been an idiot to believe those words,

but I'm going to stop now.

우리 헤어졌어.

Enjoy this wonderful, meaningful and adorable music video,

even though it is kind of morbid and sad,

but that's been my kind of thing for a while now.

★,
Julle 줄레

Talk to me

2009-12-14T15:19:00.003+08:00

Just looked through a bunch of BEAST's Cyworld posts,

so I decided to do some blogging too because I'm in the mood.

Even though I don't really have much to talk about, actually.

I'm in a bitchy mood right now too,

the kind where I talk a lot and just get irritated really easily.

I think its that time of the month again,

so please excuse my coarse-ness. ^o^V

I downloaded Bring it Back 2 Old School,

I gotta say, Talk to me is a nice song <3

I like the dance choreography,

especially during the chorus bit.

Baby, talk talk talk to me~

Let me love love love tonight~

Baby, talk~

Let me love~

I actually learnt the dance moves for that bit already. xD

It looks like a pretty easy dance,

but I don't think I'll be able to learn the full thing,

mostly because I suck like that.

(Reminds me of that funny dude on SGB that time with Alexander and Kibum.

"aklnejbgrogbeg like that~")

Why isn't there a Blogger app for my iPhone? D<

I demand that Blogger creates an app so that I can post from my iPhone. :/

Because I don't really feel like reverting back to LiveJournal,

because I only use that to read fanfiction and follow certain comms (+ find icons).

I think my LJ really died already.

I wonder what drew me to post on LiveJournal anyway.

...

Probably because I couldn't find a nice, simple Blogger layout like my current one,

so I had to constantly change my layout all the time.

Which was a complete hassle and it bothered me endlessly.

Plus the troublesome coding that comes with changing layouts.

Typing this and thinking 'change layout' so much is making me feel like doing just that.

...

I'm going to hit 100 posts soon,

which isn't that shocking,

after I managed to hit the big five-oh mark.

I wonder how many posts Xiaxue has...

Hmm... maybe a few thousand?

A thousand plus?

Its been a bunch of years since she first started,

so I guess she has about a thousand plus substantial posts,

not like mine where I just bitch and rant about stupid things.

This is what separates the real bloggers and noob ones like me. xD

She has substantial posts that firmly and logically argues things,

while I have posts that I don't agree with a few months (or days actually) down the road.

And I pretty much crap about everything.

And I don't think I advertise,

so pretty much no one knows my blog,

and I turned on security functions so the bitches at school don't read my blog either.

Then again, why the hell would they even bother?

Yup, I'm a highly dislikable person too,

so I think I can understand why no one bothers about this except me.

I have pretty amateur and noobish writing too, I guess.

Not considering the illiterate people who-

TyPe LyK dIs CuZ itZ kEwL.

Like omg. What the fuck.

Honestly, I don't see the appeal in writing like that.

Not only is it just so inconvenient and hard to understand,

(especially when we come to short forms like the more elaborate versions of 2, 4 and whatever else they use to replace normal words)

it just seriously doesn't look cool. O:

Big surprise there. -_-;;

Okay, note to whoever reads this too,

my cousin is selling, I quote: "Bigbang/DBSK/2PM stuff".

He's doing that so that he can have more money to spend in HK,

where we're going on holiday together for Christmas yaaaaaaay.

Contact details soon.

When he gets back to me on Twitter. :D

Don't ask me why I don't just sms him.

I think its way more fun to just Twitter him and wait for his reply.

Like ten thousand hours later. xDDD

On another more random note,

as this whole blog post has been,

I'm gonna start writing in a new format soon.

Like in paragraphs instead of this kind of run-off sentences.

Okay, you caught me, I forgot the Literature term for it. xD

But who cares! I'm not taking Literature next year!

-dances-

I think I might put up a view counter on my blog some time soon,

just to see if anyone reads this stupid shiet.

I think I'll become thoroughly depressed when I finally realize that I'm the only one making the counter go up.

Okay, catch you non-existent readers later.

Peace!

★,
Julle 줄레

Intro

2009-12-13T20:34:00.002+08:00

Impress, don't stop,

Everybody.

I think Eli looks awesome with his blonde hair,

if I haven't stressed on this fact before.

He looks a lot sexier for some weird reason,

(as opposed to G-Dragon who just looks pretty much the same,

and Jaejoong who doesn't look any different with it either.)

And the guyliner, yessssssss.

I feel so demonic and perverted talking about stuff like that,

but damn it, Eli is hotshieeeeeet.

Discovered Alexander and Kevin's Twitters,

so I'm currently following them. :D

This is actually really cool.

But anyway.

I'm currently blasting my music really loud,

because I hope it annoys my sister studying downstairs.

Now you might think I'm a total bitch,

(which actually I am, thanks for the compliment,)

but anyway, she started it.

Childish reason, but I'm not that grown up or mature,

so that doesn't bother me much either.

PEOPLE NEED TO UPLOAD EPIK HIGH PERFORMANCES. D<

Wannabe was a really great song,

but for some odd, stupid reason,

no one uploads the lives from the various channels,

although some did so I'm definitely sure they promoted it.

Even those channels that upload all the performances didn't upload it.

Pffffffffffffffft.

Watching You Know U-kiss yesterday,

I discovered that Soohyun was actually really chubby looking. :/

Well, he seemed chubby-looking to me,

really, really different from his current style.

The big difference gave me a huge shock,

I didn't really recognize him until he spoke. D:

And I realize that Eli, as opposed to his stage appearance,

doesn't talk much and is really 4D.

Don't know if this is an on-screen persona,

but who cares really?

Anyway, please let Eli talk more!

He's a sexy beast now,

so I would like to see more of him!

Eli! I'll send you a million fan letters a day,

then you won't have time to read them at all! :D

Seems like U-kiss is working on something else already,

since they started recording something recently,

as Alexander posted on his Twitter.

Wooooooohooooooo,

wonder what they'll be releasing next.

I like Kevin's voice in 만만하니 the most because it was the most annoying. xD

But he actually has a really nice voice, imo.

Let's hear him speak English more,

or just speak more because his voice is so cute.

-squishes him-

He's so small next to the rest I think I could crush him.

... o.O

No but seriously.

I'm obsessing over ContiU-kiss right now,

because I looooooove the intro.

Wish they would perform it,

I like the bass beat.

YOU BETTA BACK UP!

-bang!-

Shake your booty!

We go'n make your body rock.

Let's get down.

★,
Julle 줄레

제발

2009-12-10T01:11:00.002+08:00

Please stop ignoring me,

don't treat me like this.

나도 사람이.

나 가슴이 있는데.

그러지마.

제발.

Broken, poor Korean,

but I can't say this any other way.

나는 특이 안인데.

I'm not special.

Feel like my body is detached from me,

my heart aches.

가슴이 너무 아픈데.

★,
Julle 줄레

B2uty

2009-12-07T04:56:00.002+08:00

B2uty taking over, make way please.

Just had to say this but-

Hyunseung has been sexified.

Thank goodness for sensible stylists,

who eventually realized that the bowl cut rocks nobody.

Not even Taemin, come to think of it. :/

But Y JUNHYUNG.

Your hair looks official like, wtf idek.

But I'm loving the red on Dongwoon,

and I'm loving Hyunseung's cut.

Doojoon, Yoseob and Kikwang basically look the same. O:

I'm actually loving the clothes a lot,

for some odd reason I don't know.

It just appeals to me a lot as sexy.

I love the black and red combination, I think.

AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH KIKWANG'S PANTS?

I think its perfectly fine to have the Union Jack all over your lower body.

I have no idea why everyone is spazzing so badly about his pants.

I think they're cute and unique and I've never seen it before. xD

The only conclusion I came up with for the reason why Junhyung's hair is crappy again,

is that Hyunseung made a stupid passing comment that he liked Junnie's previous style.

And thus reverted Junhyung back to that weird one-side-only hair. T^T

"Junhyung-ah, you know the hair you had in the music video was really cool."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I mean, smooth and silky is great, but..."

"Okay."

/end of conversation.

No more discussion and Junhyung is back to his weird hair.

"Junhyung-hyung listens to Hyunseung-hyung really well, huh, Kikwang-hyung?"

"Yeah, Dongwoonie. Just like how you should listen to me well. D<"

":( Okay."

/end of conversation.

No more discussion and Dongwoon stops whining, temporarily.

BUT WE ALL KNOW WE LOVE HIS CUTE LITTLE WHINING.

Even though I haven't yet encountered it,

but I believe I will love it! :D

Just like how his awkwardness and randomness is so cute.

I love awkward boys. <3

I also have to note.

Dongwoon would look a hell lot better without the black cape,

just the cropped red studded jacket thing.

I'm starting to feel really annoyed with their stylists.

-has a spork and is not afraid to use it-

"Oh man, Kikwang-hyung, Junhyung-hyung and Hyunseung-hyung locked the work room again,

I have homework in there that's due tomorrow!

What the hell are they doing inside? :("

"I think that, you'll have to ask Yoon leader and Yoseob-hyung.

I think they'll have the necessary experience and expertise on that topic,

just make sure Yoseob-hyung doesn't elaborate too much."

":D?"

"Never mind, you don't need to know what's going on inside."

"OOOOOH DONGWOONIE! I'LL BE HAPPY TO EXPLAIN."

"Yoseob-ah, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Doojoon-hyung has totally no power over Yoseob-hyung, right, Dongwoonie?"

"-nods vigorously-"

Okay, I seriously pity B2ST btw.

Two promotions in a row with such stressful neck movements,

but I got to say, they have great control of their necks.

A very unique dance move to say the least,

it might just become their trademark if they keep this up,

but I won't be surprised if their necks become crooked. :/

★,
Julle 줄레

Son Dongwoon

2009-12-05T06:06:00.003+08:00

Who always stands in the centre,

but most of the time,

you can't see him?

Ans: Son Dongwoon in B2ST's 'Bad Girl'

Seriously, I swear if Cube Ent. keeps hiding him behind his hyungs,

I will find some crazy ass but effective way to get him up front. D<

I love his cute and sorta shy smiles.

He's so adorable!

-glomps him-

Hope to see more of him during 'Mystery'.

I want to see more pictures!

I think I'll keep my printer in my room,

and print out lots of pictures of Dongwoon,

and then subsequently stick them all over my file next year.

EVERYBODY SHOW SOME DONGWOON LOVE.

I DEMAND SO.

But then again whoever reads this stupid piece of crap?

Pfffffft.

★,
Julle 줄레

여기 좀 봐봐 날 좀 봐봐 네 앞에 있잖아

2009-12-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

여기 좀 봐봐 날 좀 봐봐 네 앞에 있잖아

I was going to blog about what a bad, horrible person I am,

but I can't help posting now to say;

I feel incredibly bad-tempered and annoyed when people touch my things.

I hate it the most when people come into my room,

complain about what an utter mess it is,

then proceed to start cleaning it, rearranging things,

moving all my stuff how they feel like moving it.

Excuse me, but when did this room become yours?

When clearly it was mine moments before you barged in.

If coming into my room and doing that so boldly without permission isn't being opinionated,

I don't know what the fuck is.

The only thing that makes this room mine is how I arrange it,

how I put my belongings out on this table,

how I display things I want to display on the table,

and I fucking arranged my things this way for a fucking reason.

So why the fuck do you come in,

rearrange it the way you like it?

Go fucking do your own room if you want,

but stop touching and messing up my room.

I cannot express the anger that I feel into words,

this huge annoyance that is bubbling in my chest,

and it makes me feel like screaming.

I screamed at you only because you made me,

and it is not my fault that you came in and pissed me off.

Even though I feel bad for yelling at you,

for treating you so coldly, the way I did,

but I wouldn't have done it if you had stopped touching my things the moment I told you to.

Why do you have to do such useless things all the time to blow my fuse?

Really, it isn't any wonder that you always almost get electrocuted.

In the words of Eli from U-KISS,

You make me pissed off.

I feel so violated right now,

because of all the people who have come into my room,

done all the things I've severely disliked.

Leaving drinks, food, wrappers around,

throwing things into the wrong trash bins,

fiddling around with my stuff,

taking my things without permission,

eating my secret stash of snacks and candies without my permission,

and most of all,

rearranging my things the way you like it.

This is worse than someone grabbing my boobs,

or pinching my ass.

And getting annoyed at me for something that wasn't even my fault.

I really don't feel like facing you right now,

because I might just explode and electrocute you on the spot.

★,
Julle 줄레

BEAST is the B2ST

2009-12-03T21:15:00.002+08:00

Farty went to China today,

Oppa went home today too (probably because he was bored shitless),

and Dawn went off for a while,

dunno if she's coming back to stay tonight.

I don't know what's up with this sudden moodswing,

I feel so annoyed, insecure and just... jaded.

I think jaded would be the best word to describe how I feel right now.

I've been playing BEAST's songs on replay for a while now,

I like most of them except Hyunseung.

He seriously needs to change his hair,

because he looks really annoying like this. D<

I don't mind Junhyung that much anymore,

because he doesn't have the shaved sides and the weird maggie noodles hair anymore.

But Hyunseung still has that horrible bowl cut. :/

I like Dongwoonie the most out of BEAST though, so far.

Dooseob is a cute pairing too. xD

It's real real real real, baby show me what you got.

I like their mini-album a lot,

although Oasis and 아직은 don't impress me much.

I prefer the first three tracks more. :<

Anyway, staying with Oppa around always infests me with a wider range of music.

The songs I usually don't listen to,

I start to listen to and learn to like.

I'm off to watch videos now.

The stuff I wanted to say don't come out now.

★,
Julle 줄레

만만하니

2009-11-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Seems like I couldn't forget you after all,

you still have me within your grasp so tightly,

suffocating and asphyxiating me.

I hate you so fucking much.

사랑이 그렇게 넌 만만하니?

You make me pissed off.

★,
Julle 줄레

My Ear's Pain

2009-11-26T20:15:00.002+08:00

For some weird reason,

after I woke up,

my ears were really painful.

I even had a dream about it,

that something was causing the flesh around my earring to hurt.

Wearing earrings have become increasingly painful for me,

so for now I'm taking them off.

I don't care if I have to pierce my ears again,

but its too damn painful right now.

And I've had Baek Jiyoung's 'My Ear's Candy' feat. Taecyeon on replay so much,

that the play count is now 36 and I just downloaded it just now.

I feel like I've listened to it a hundred times. T_T

Anyway, looking forward to Oppa staying over,

and tomorrow's tuition is at 8am.

-head desks-

AND I JUST GOT FUCKING ROPE BURN.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

★,
Julle 줄레

Congratulations

2009-11-26T00:41:00.003+08:00

I hate advertisements, really.

They are the bane of my life. D<

I was watching Prince of Tennis,

the Chinese drama version,

when suddenly someone perks up,

"Congratulations! You won!"

when Chunlong just got his wrist killed by Shitian. :/

And Zhou Zhu's all,

"OMG TAKA-SAN."

Honestly, I hate advertisements.

★,
Julle 줄레

Y.O.U

2009-11-25T20:32:00.003+08:00

I have to say,

Tachibana Ann is really annoying in the drama. :/

I don't like her at all,

being so indecent by trying to investigate on Seigaku sneakily. D<

On second thought though,

I really like the Inukai couple in here. xD

And Minho is just too adorable!

Don't be too hard on yourself, bbboy.

We still love you even if you don't win!

But you're really one of the best! ;D

-huggles tightly-

I wish people would write more Inukai fic,

but sadly there's a huge lack.

And Minho!fic lack, imo.

I should start writing these kinds of fic,

even if it is stupid and lousy.

I haven't written anything good in ages!

Wait... as a matter of fact,

I haven't written anything in ages at all.

._.

★,
Julle 줄레

LOL CHINA

2009-11-25T12:09:00.002+08:00

I really have to say this,

but the Qin Junjie is really cute as Longma,

especially when he flares up at his dad without restraint. xD

Watching episode 7 now,

after his dad thoroughly kicked his ass.

He's so adorable!

-squishes-

I didn't dislike Ryoma in the manga or the anime,

(or what I've watched of it anyway)

but I seriously like Longma here in the drama.

And Lin Ying/Sakuno is a useful character here.

Me likes that very much. ^^

★,
Julle 줄레

Prince of Tennis Chinese Drama

2009-11-25T04:49:00.002+08:00

Currently watching the Chinese drama of Prince of Tennis,

since all of the videos for the anime on all the sites I know are dead.

They just don't open up to me.

(this reminds me of episode 99 in the anime,

the cursed racket,

when Oishi tries to talk to the bloody, inanimate racket LOL)

"I'M SORRY EVERYONE, ECHIGO-KUN JUST DIDN'T OPEN UP HIS HEART."

ROFLOL.

Anyway, I'm up to the beginning of the 4th episode so far,

and it has been a pretty decent drama,

all comparisons aside of course.

I don't know why everyone is complaining so much.

There are many differences between the original manga and the drama,

but the drama was adapted from the manga.

Just like the anime.

It simply has more differences,

probably due to the different views of Chinese and Japanese people.

Also, the Chinese drama places it in a more realistic setting,

where they are college students instead of middle school students.

Naturally, with the difference in age,

they are gonna react differently,

resulting in an entirely different situation.

But the base of the storyline is still pretty much the same.

Genius Longma from America comes to Seigaku,

he joins the tennis team and the story goes on from there.

Personally, I like the differences from the manga and the drama,

I think the scriptwriters changed it well,

it retains the original concept with a different approach,

very much like writing fanfiction.

In any case, I'm enjoying the drama a lot right now,

even though its merely the beginning,

and I watched it from a very poor source.

But no matter what, it's still fun to while away time.

Not particularly engaging to the mind,

neither is it the best in terms of acting,

but it's a good drama.

The only thing I dislike is Kaidoh's Snake in the drama,

every time he drags his racket on the floor,

I can just imagine the scratches on his racket,

and I just get annoyed by the sound of it.

And for those people who keep complaining about Longma,

I think Zhou Yu annoys me more.

He is so rude and mean to Zhou Zhu,

who was only trying to look out for him.

And honestly, Xiao Peng annoys the shit out of me too.

I like Lin Ying/Sakuno here though,

less helpless and more useful than in the manga/anime.

She's pretty much a useless character in the series, imo.

All she does is gasp and gape and crush on Ryoma,

which is pretty annoying to me.

She isn't much of a plot device at all,

except to try to catch Ryoma's attention.

Oh well, back to conquering episode 4 at 5 in the morning.

I really should have gone to sleep. :/

★,
Julle 줄레

Prince of Tennis(2)

2009-11-24T06:00:00.002+08:00

Completed the second round of 379 chapters.

This time in less than five days,

if I'm not so badly mistaken.

I have really bad memory. :/

Now is the time to gather my strength,

and focus all of that into my studies.

Something like the Pinnacle of Hardwork. ^^;;

I don't think I'm ready for the Pinnacle of Perfection yet,

at least, not now during the holidays.

But I'll do my best to achieve it when school reopens, ne?

to enjoy studying...

like the first time you went to school.

There's a lot to learn from manga, you know?

★,
Julle 줄레

NTS

2009-11-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

Do pore pack,

those two masks in Jean's room,

and other good for your face crap.

Note: post-acne cream. ;Db

★,
Julle 줄레

Again and Again

2009-11-22T22:48:00.002+08:00

Reading the PoT manga for the second time,

don't think I can beat my previous reading duration record though.

I don't really have time to be reading it nonstop right now,

nor any time in the near future actually. :/

I'm feeling a little pressure sneaking up on me already,

what with my bizarre dreams lately.

(Dreamt that my mom was waking me up for school,

but I was having a hard time coming to consciousness,

when I actually did IRL,

my mom was still sleeping next to me. OTL

Also had another dream,

my English teacher this year became my form teacher next year.

He introduced himself on the first day of school,

then he whipped out the English textbook,

and started droning like how that history teacher in Hogwarts does.)

I also dreamt about Harry Potter,

and being a student in Hogwarts.

It was really awkward and weird.

Must be from the stress.

But anyway, every time I read PoT,

I'm so tempted to pick up tennis,

or be exceptionally gifted in some sport,

but unfortunately I don't belong in that category.

I also don't belong in the exceptionally genius category,

considering my school and its lousy standards.

Oh well, I'll just do my best to get into a better junior college.

Christmas is coming...

I wonder what to get for everyone. :(

Especially my Mom,

since I couldn't get good grades for her on the overall.

I suppose she's still really disappointed about it,

and I feel really horrible about doing so badly.

This makes me want to do well all the more next year,

but I'm practically glued to this computer.

-can't help the addiction-

I need to finish my work though,

was supposed to work on indices,

and finish up my schoolwork >_>

I think I should finish all the exercises in that stupid worksheet by the end of next week.

And I'm thinking I should go shower now.

G.O.OD Luv

★,
Julle 줄레

Still hurts

2009-11-21T20:36:00.002+08:00

I think Jay has his reasons.
After reading Fruits Basket for the third time (if I'm not mistaken),
I'm starting to realize important things.

You cannot assume to know that Jay does want to come back,
for all you know, all those hateful netizen comments have scarred him real bad.
If it were me, I'd definitely have a fear of showbiz.
To wake up everyday knowing that maybe half of the population hates you,
and you're in the very country of those people,
entertaining them and earning money from that,
the idea that someone is throwing darts at your face.
Myabe it makes it hard for him to come back.

Even though I hope,
with all my heart that he'll come back,
because we do miss him as the leader of 2PM,
and as a great performer and entertainer,
I respect whatever decision that he has.

And I hope others will stop saying that his absence leaves a huge black hole,
the members are having a hard time as it is getting by without him,
they're probably trying their best to cope without him,
but all these words aren't encouraging them.
I have a feeling that it hurts them even more,
that even though they tried their hardest,
they still cannot even barely fill up a little of that emptiness when Jay isn't around.

To our current 6-member 2PM,
thank you for all your hard effort,
and to Jay,
I really wish you all the best.
2PM HWAITING!
Seven or six.

Always Keep the Faith.

★,
Julle 줄레

Tonight

2009-11-20T23:00:00.002+08:00

Tonight,

I'll leave everything that has darkened and stained me all these years to God.

I will have as much faith as I can,

and I will give it all up to Him,

because I trust that He is carrying onto me,

holding onto my hand all this time.

Michael... isn't that the name of an archangel?

★,
Julle 줄레

Freedom

2009-11-19T21:26:00.005+08:00

Does freedom equate to being able to go out whenever you want?

First of all, you're a girl while you're brother is quite obviously a guy.

Almost all the time, bad guys go after weak and helpless girls like you.

Think you can beat a guy up and defend yourself?

Probably not.

I bet if I so much as punch you in the face,

you might just concuss and die on the spot.

And I'm not even a guy.

The gap that is there was placed by you and no one else.

The one that isn't listening is not them but you.

You are their most precious daughter,

they love you and want to protect you as much as they can.

It really irks me that you would dislike your parents so much,

simply because they love you in a way that you don't quite agree with.

Why do you have to be so stubborn and want your way no matter what?

I'll admit, it's hypocritical of me to say I don't do that,

but I'm trying my best not to do so anymore,

I'm trying to change and so should you.

The world doesn't revolve only around you,

and if my parents had such low expectations of me,

I would be more than very happy because I'd be less stressed out.

Had I failed any subjects like you did,

I'd probably never get to see the light of the day till next year.

Is it not good enough that your parents even allow you to cosplay?

When they know its affecting your grades, your future, your everything?

And now you rebelliously want to meet up with them alone,

without any chaperone of any sort.

At least you'll have schoolmates around during the cosplay event,

but in these sorts of private meetings,

none of them are your school friends right?

Your parents assume that your school friends are like you,

so they trust your school friends to keep you safe.

But they have no inkling of an idea how your cosplay friends are like,

maybe that's why they absolutely feel its not safe for their young daughter to go out with them.

Maybe I'm being to arrogant to think this way,

especially since I've never seen your parents communicate with you,

I've never even seen your parents at all.

But I have a feeling most parents are the same way.

...

She just wants to protect me too,

and sometimes I don't realize that.

To her, some of the people around me are not safe for me,

they are dangerous to me and might hurt me.

She loves me that's why she doesn't feel secure when I'm with them,

that's the reason why she won't let me hang out with Hillary.

Maybe its simply because she misunderstood,

but she only meant the best for me.

I'm sorry that I can't apologize to you,

I'm sorry that I misunderstood your intentions then,

but I hope you understand that I'm just 14.

Just 14 and unable to make the right decisions yet,

but I'll work hard from now onwards to do the right things.

All I need from you is to say you love me sometimes,

because then I'll always remember that you're protecting me.

You're covering me in a warm protective sheet of your love.

엄마, 사랑합니다 ♥

★,
Julle 줄레

P.S: I'm pretty sure its quite obvious who this post was for,

but I doubt she'll ever read it,

and she probably has very different views from me,

so she'll definitely get angry and ask me to fuck off,

but hey, this is my blog, my opinions. ;D

Colours

2009-11-19T19:24:00.002+08:00

I guess,

until now...

It still hasn't been alright.

I don't know if I knew,

but I think I might have.

I pushed the feeling away,

but it was always there.

Sitting there in the corner,

sure that one day it would be noticed.

And today,

it was finally noticed again.

It kind of hurts,

when all of you who matter most,

couldn't say those two words to me.

I don't need anyone else in the world,

but the three of you to tell me that.

But none of you did,

and for that I feel... upset.

I don't have the right to feel that way,

since I did the way I did,

but I can't help the way I feel.

The three of you who promised me,

broke your promise just as adults always do.

Just as humans always do.

Even though I shouldn't feel this way,

I still do.

All of you lied to me,

because you told me to try my best,

and I did.

But it wasn't enough after all.

When she didn't do that well,

it was alright.

And it was for her final exams.

I tried my best too, don't you know?

I've never tried this hard before.

I did it all for you guys.

I cried so much too,

because I disappointed all of you.

I just wanted to hear those two words from you,

and everything would have been okay.

I would have picked myself up and continued working hard.

But until now,

I'm still waiting.

And I'm getting tired of waiting.

기다리다가 지친다

★,
Julle 줄레

SHINee Girl

2009-11-19T14:28:00.003+08:00

I think its the most stupid when people hate on others,

I'm not perfect either so I hate on some people too,

who could potentially be in my class next year (please no -begs-),

but why do people get a kick out of insulting Korean celebrities?

The only reason I joined STAND was also because I was simply curious,

I didn't really hate SNSD,

although I did dislike them initially because of Tiffany's apparent disrespect,

and the flashing of her underwear on national television,

but then I realized something that was kind of important.

First of all, she probably didn't know half of what respect was,

you know why?

Because she was born and raised in America.

I'm not hating on America here,

some good things actually come out of there,

although I can't think of any off the top of my head.

Oh wait, I actually can.

CSI Miami, Johnny Depp, (was going to mention the late Heath Ledger but I realized he was Aussie, if I'm not mistaken),

and some decent authors, I think.

But the level of respect there seems to be dipping really low,

since there are still lots of fights of disrespecting people's turfs and that kind of stuff.

Then there's a lot of racial disrespect,

seeing the recent (or was it?) SF Muni fight between the African American lady and the Asian lady.

(I don't know if she was really African American or not, but black woman seems crude here).

Anyway, so why are American netizens hating on her,

when she's practically one of them,

despite her being Asian and all of that kind of things.

Also, it's not like she could choose whether or not she wears a super short dress or not,

so her wardrobe malfunction couldn't be blamed on her.

And what the hell is wrong with having plastic surgery?

Okay, so last time I was highly against it because its fake,

but if it makes them happy and less suicidal, then why not?

We'd be paying less unnecessary money to other doctors like psychiatrists.

Just spend a few thousand on surgery and its over,

instead of paying a few thousand each year for therapy.

Plus, do you really want anorexic and bulimic girls to be running around?

Puking all over you, making YOU fat eating their food for them?

My sister also brought up the fact that doing plastic surgery makes others feel bad about themselves...

Excuse me, but so what if you feel bad about yourself?

Then do something about it.

At least they did something about themselves to feel better,

so if you feel like shit because you can't accept the way you were born,

then that's your fucking business because other people already found their solutions.

I now officially think there's nothing wrong with getting things done if it makes you feel better about yourself,

but I seriously think that's not going to solve your problem of not being able to accept yourself.

Anyway, my mom had her teeth fixed,

her jaw fixed and her moles removed.

Does that make her plastic too?

And why don't non-celebrities get blasted for doing surgery?

Why is it okay if you're not a celebrity?

Celebrities are still human,

even if they present an image to younger generations,

but doesn't any adult do that?

Imagine if your mom (a non-celebrity, normal career woman) got surgery done,

she still presents an image to you,

she will be passing down most of her characteristics and looks to you,

she makes an even bigger impact on you than a celebrity does,

if you haven't realized that by now.

So... isn't your mom doing surgery,

or any adult around you,

worse than a celebrity?

You is also mostly used generally in my posts.

I'm going to go take a nap,

because I'm too lazy to study right now,

and I'm a pig like that and the weather is great for sleeping in bed right now.

★,
Julle 줄레

Sign

2009-11-18T23:19:00.002+08:00

Decided to post something,

even if its pretty useless,

because I was just browsing through B.E.G's blogs,

except Miryo-unnie, I'm so sorry,

I'm not a great fan of you at all.

Not that it matters cause you have all those other fans.

Anyway, I cleared up most of the crap in my room,

like the mess on my table,

and the mess on my floor (pretty much).

Tomorrow I'll wake up early to study,

I need a headstart on everything so I should start now

(or else I'll rot away for the whole holidays and that sucks)

Then after that in the evening I'll probably clear the other box,

plus stow my Wilson bag into my cupboard.

Note to self:

I need to buy storage boxes with compartments like Shir and Jean.

I'm starting to have more accessories and other small barang,

which is starting to get messed up.

I almost thought I lost the $100 necklace someone bought me.

-wipes sweat-

That was nerve-wrecking for a few moments. D:

I also need a card holder,

book/shelve ends for my metallic shelves,

and a stationary holder to put on my desk.

Plus other cute decorations to make my room seem more personal,

otherwise it still feels like I'm only living here temporarily.

I didn't get to study tonight,

so I'm going to sleep now and study tomorrow in the morning,

and in the afternoon. :(

I don't know what I'm gonna eat tomorrow.

That kind of sucks,

cause I'm waking up early so I need lunch,

but I'm too lazy to walk out to buy food ==

Even for my own survival,

I'm too lazy to do anything.

But then again,

there's loads of bread and instant noodles,

so I probably won't die. :DDD

Should I take up a job at NTUC Fairprice? xD

The minimum age requirement/education level is Sec 2,

which I'm over and done with (thank the Lord in heaven).

But I have to be friendly, patient and pleasant,

which I'm definitely not on more days than I am.

If right now, someone, somewhere, is in pain
Spending the night alone and unable to sleep
Until light shines on that person's heart, we'll entwine these prayers,
Like a melody and harmony in love

I really like this (^) song right now,

and I really want to buy some CDs right now. :/

Goodnight, y'all.

-yawns-

Tonight is a cold night,

and the rainy season doesn't seem to be ending soon,

remember to bring umbrellas around,

and try not to fall sick.

(That is, if you live where I do)

★,
Julle 줄레

Oh Yeah~

2009-11-16T00:10:00.002+08:00

Survived another day and will continue living after all.

I almost super-glued my fingers together today.

-fail-

Anyway, have to make a list for tomorrow.

I'm kind of lazy to do it all myself.

Looking forward to Tuesday. :D

Wonder if my Mr. Bean towel will work.

Or maybe the green bandana. Hmm...

Anyway, need to finish up planning tomorrow.

I'm super duperly excited.

I'm also on a mad MBLAQ-PICTURE-SAVING spree. :DDDb

Mir is teh cute.

and Seungho is teh sex.

So is Joon, but meh. D<

G.O and Thunder are both incredibly adorable too,

LOL HYPOCHONDRIACS U GUYS ARE SO GAY.

I kid.

-serious face-

._.

Anyway, need to finish saving this batch of pictures,

shower and sleeeeeeeep.

I've been sleeping like a pig these few days,

just keep sleeping and sleeping. D<

I need to go out and go exercise!

Sandara Park is unhealthily skinny. D<

Okay, I'm going back to drooling over MBLAQ now, y'all.

★,
Julle 줄레

Tired of Waiting for G.O.O.D Luv

2009-11-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

I guess its okay without me,

you... don't really need me do you?

I have a feeling... that this was already over.

The formalities are... unnecessary right?

I'm so tired,

of what I'm not so sure anymore.

This life is suddenly so hard,

and for some crazy reason,

I feel so incredibly alone right now.

Even with all those people around me,

even with all those screaming voices,

all of a sudden,

I might die from this extreme loneliness.

내가 죽어도 몰라

Excuse me for the broken Korean.

Everyone has someone else,

I'm... not required.

Who needs me?

I'm quite sure no one does.

If anything,

I'm most jealous of those girls,

because insecure moments like these are scarce.

Most people,

aren't constantly afraid like this,

or am I just trying to convince myself that I'm special?

Today,

it feels like if I accidentally suffocated and died,

no one might have noticed.

Not until it was too late.

And today,

everything that goes wrong feels like its my fault.

Everything annoys and irritates me today.

I don't know what to do,

just thinking so much is ripping me apart.

Today,

it feels like sleeping till I die,

is the best course of action.

But I can't do it.

I still don't want to give everything up,

I want to be able to smile again,

I don't want to go this way.

I have dreams I haven't fulfilled.

I haven't met DBSK up close,

haven't seen SHINee, 2PM, MBLAQ, and so many others in a live show.

I haven't gotten a real, proper boyfriend,

haven't had my first kiss.

I haven't fallen in love,

I haven't gotten married,

I still don't have my 7 children.

I don't want to give up the warmth of a hug,

I don't want to leave my mother behind,

with no one to protect her.

My sisters, who are all so fragile,

I want to continue protecting them.

But today I'm really exhausted of it all.

But I can't give them up.

Don't want to give up the soft feeling of Xiaobai.

I don't want to give up.

But today it feels like I have to.

오늘 밤에... 내가 죽어

★,
Julle 줄레

Crazy Over You

2009-11-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

Went out with Shirlynn yesterday to hang out for fun,

we watched My Girlfriend is A Secret Agent,

which wasn't exactly a very good movie,

but it was entertaining enough.

Kim Haneul is a really good actress, imo. xD

I missed tuition this morning. :/

Mom couldn't wake up.

Went to meet Shirlynn straight away,

then her mom brought us for breakfast and dropped us off at Bugis.

We went to look for Shirlynn's godmother first,

then we started walking around Bugis Junction,

but the stuff was pretty boring and expensive.

We headed to Bugis Street to start hunting for her prom stuff.

We managed to snag a dress, heels, bracelets and more for less than 100 dollars!

It was really good. ;Db

Then we went back to Bugis Junction for lunch.

We met with her godmother and her godmother's friend for lunch,

where we went to Fisherios for fish and chips.

After we finished all the shopping and crap,

we went back to her house.

(I met Jiaqi at the bus stop)

We slacked around for a while then went for dinner.

And now I'm home. :/

All in all, I bought cotton wool, pore packs, lipgloss, a cute yellow pouch/bag,

a hair band, a customized badge, a small coin pouch and... that's about it.

Oh yeah, I also bought got a yellow wristband that says Call Me.

I actually just wanted it because it was yellow.

I also got two yellow bracelets. :DDD

I got many nice things today and I'm really happy about it.

I tried out my pore pack just now and I'm amazed.

It really cleared out EVERYTHING.

But the thing is, it smells like utter crap. D<

No nice lavender scent. :<

I think the black things on my nose,

were also hairs growing out.

Unless black heads are actually hairs?

I kind of mispositioned the pore pack though. orz

porepacknoob!fail.

But I'm glad with the result,

despite the edges of my nose itching (temporarily) because I'm sensitive. OTL

I also decided to do the Face Shop masks today,

I feel like giving my face a banquet today,

so I did many nice things to it.

I need to drink more water.

NTS: DRINK MORE WATER. HYDRATE, BITCH.

★,
Julle 줄레

p.s: I love Shirlynn.

Heartbeat 2

2009-11-11T06:38:00.002+08:00

For how long, do I have to stand in the shadows?

I will never shine as brightly as all the others.

I'm cloaked under the darkness of my older sisters,

so much more talented and capable.

I feel asphyxiated by all these things surrounding me.

I want to escape from all the stereotypes that surround me,

I don't want to be who you want me to be,

I want to become someone who I want to be.

But I feel so pathetic,

because I don't even know who that person is.

She doesn't exist.

Does that mean... I'm slowly losing my existence too?

I'm losing myself,

slipping through my own hands,

falling and falling but there is no end.

I can only continue groping around in the darkness.

Can I feel my own heart... beat?

Can it beat for me again?

Is it waiting for me?

Am I lost only in the depths of my mind,

where there is no end if I don't put a stop to this?

If I don't move on now,

if I don't let her go,

if I don't forget her now,

I might have to die.

So she goes,

before I do.

Let me listen to my heart beat.

Not so productive,

not very useful,

but I lasted from the time I needed to turn on my lights,

to the time I can turn them off.

And I escaped the bottomless pit of my mind,

with a few small scratches.

But at least,

I'm okay.

I'm alive.

I'm still here.

★,
Julle 줄레

Heartbeat

2009-11-11T06:32:00.002+08:00

I can't even express the amount of anger I'm feeling right now,

like a stain that can't be scrubbed off my skin,

no matter how hard I try, a scar.

On a brighter note,

I've suddenly become really obsessed with MBLAQ,

just like in the beginning with DBSK.

And I love 'Heartbeat',

the new song that 2PM just released today.

I'll probably post something more productive later.

I am fucking tired (and pissed) right now.

I need some Shinwoo and adorbs!Mir. <3

★,
Julle 줄레

The Girl Who Can't Break-Up

2009-11-05T22:38:00.002+08:00

The things I've said to someone else,

affected someone else's life.

So didn't the words you say,

affect me just as badly?

At least I didn't have any cruel and ill-intentions,

but it seems you were out to hurt me,

as much as you could,

to dig that verbal knife as deep as you can.

I don't understand why you're so angry,

but somehow at the same time I think I do.

More like, perhaps,

I cannot fully comprehend the entire situation.

Maybe I should mark this down on my mental calendar,

for whatever reason I don't know why.

I guess I don't want to make the same mistakes again,

because it'll just make me go through the same kind of anguish again.

Think twice before you talk.

and I don't feel like talking anymore,

for the rest of the life I'll live

★,
Julle 줄레

JoJo

2009-11-02T23:31:00.002+08:00

Feeling rather... empty right now,

just like Kafka from the Haruki Murakami book I just finished.

I wonder if I can get my first choice.

Don't feel like committing to anything right now,

I feel so tired of everything,

even though I've slept the whole day.

I just want to study till there's no tomorrow,

everything is just blending into one whole period of time,

until time is not a factor anymore,

and I'm just running towards my own 'O' levels.

Time For Sleep.

★,
Julle 줄레

Tokyo Lovelight

2009-11-01T23:55:00.002+08:00

Feels like I betrayed you,

even though I didn't.

I wanna call you now and let you know,

but for some reason I can't.

Can't even bring myself to message you.

But I guess you must think its stupid,

it's just streaming.

It's not like I lied to you,

right?

I'm so frickin' exhausted.

Covered Chinatown, Little India and Sentosa today.

My feet ache like no tomorrow. :/

But I guess its worth it for Aya-san and Hachi-san.

I really really loooove Japanese people. <3

I love my new Oscar pouch, chimes and handphone strap.

I wanna get a phone like theirs. :(

Luge was fun and I could go twice today.

Jean and I managed to get nice photos from them. :D

what time is it now?

Time for Shower. xD

And time to do my face.

It's been getting a lot better,

save for the few pimples due to the late nights,

couldn't help them. ><

I wonder how my cousin is doing...?

Gute nacht, mein liebe.

★,
Julle 줄레

Get Down

2009-10-27T22:40:00.002+08:00

Didn't go to school today. :/

I had a terrible headache (still do), stomachache and a really bad throat.

I ended up sleeping until sometime in the noon.

Woke up, surfed the net, did some other private stuff.

I had prawn cup noodles for lunch and a croissant.

Was supposed to go to Jerome's house to help him,

but I ended up not going cause I might be contagious.

In the end, Michi came over to hang out.

What we did is all confidential,

but you can know that we didn't do anything perverted.

If you're interested you can probably find out eventually. :D

I'll let you guys in on the secret in a few months time,

if anybody actually reads this thing, honestly. -_-;;

Umm... today wasn't very eventful,

except for Michi's visit.

I took a nap just now from about 2120 to 2220.

I woke up to shower, do my face and I'm gonna grab another croissant.

I looooooove croissants. :D

I think I'm going to sleep after the download for 2009, Y.O.U finishes.

Can't wait to buy the actual CD because I love the angel concept.

Goodnight y'all.

pointless post is pointless

★,
Julle 줄레

Rocka rocka rocka

2009-10-25T14:17:00.002+08:00

Currently sitting in my room in boredom.

There is somehow,

absolutely nothing to do on the Internet.

I really want to go to Popular to buy some books now.

Not doing anything at all is melting my brains really badly.

Addiction to studying.

Can't wait for Sec3 to start!

Even though I'm not so eager about camp.

I'm just glad we don't have to stay over. :D

I hope I end up in the same class as Hillary,

I slept in really late today and I forgot to check the time,

but I think I woke up at about 1200 plus, almost 1300.

Mumther's bed is really, really comfortable.

I could sleep there foreveeeeeer!

...

There was a really long intermission there,

I was watching Junior Show.

(It's a Korean variety show where parents of idols and other Korean celebrities appear with their children.)

Anyway, it featured Park Gyuri from KARA,

who is my favourite member because she's so funny (the whole Goddess thing).

Her mom is Park Sohyun,

a voice actress, if I'm not mistaken.

Therefore I think her mom used to be busy a lot when she was young,

and now that she's debuted,

she's the one who is always busy.

I think she didn't get to spend much time with her mother at all.

And for that I feel really sorry for Gyuri,

because the time spent with parents is really important and special.

<3mumther

Another long intermission here.

Watched KARA's Idol Army, episode 1.

It was quite interesting and funny,

but not as great as other shows I've watched.

The thing about girl groups is,

they are kind of boring. :/

I mean, their music can be good and all,

but usually their variety shows aren't very funny or entertaining,

mostly because they don't show their wild sides.

It's usually very tamed as compared to male groups.

This is the reason why I watch more testosterone than oestrogen.

Going for church now.

This was such a pointless post.

★,
Julle 줄레

2K

2009-10-25T00:04:00.003+08:00

Michi decided to be random today,

she messaged me something about SHINee,

then we ended up on the phone for a while.

We talked about a lot of crap.

And I came up with the conclusion that I'm a bad person.

I wish I was nicer,

I wish I wasn't so annoying,

I wish I could stop pitying myself,

because I'm seriously a fucking bitch.

Anyway, I'm working on that now,

which includes no more not making sense.

I need to stop thinking so much.

When I think too much,

it screws up my morals and values.

I wanna be like Xiaxue.

She really is a one of a kind,

superhero woman kind of woman.

I think it would be good to be her friend,

but of course why would Singapore's #1 blogger be my friend?

Especially when I'm such a fuckhead. :/

To Hillary;

I love you so much,

and I do stupid things when I'm angry (and of course, stupid).

I hope you forgive me,

and I'll stop picking on you.

I feel so really bad right now.

Michi made me realize many things today.

Thanks, Michi. <3

Umm... woke up really early to go for tuition too.

I hate Saturday tuitions. :/

Plus Shirlynn wasn't really in the class today,

and Fiona didn't come either.

No Nijaw to giggle over.

Borrrrrrring!

Today was really messed up.

Was supposed to go to Shirlynn's to do English,

but she forgot and told Lilin that she'd do whole day tuition.

We managed to arrange for her to finish early today,

and I was supposed to go meet her.

On the way out we met Boss,

then he suggested dinner at Ion.

We ended up going for dinner at Taste Paradise or something,

it was a Chinese restaurant.

It was really frickin brilliant.

We were in the Emperor Yongzheng room, I think.

There was a room for Qin Shihuang too! LIKE OMG SO COOL.

But that room is for people with many guests.

Our room was relatively smaller,

with a table for six.

The dinner lasted from about 7 plus to 10 plus almost 11. :/

Going out for dinner with him always ends up as a three-hour affair.

The other time at Les Amis was the same too!

But that was too fucking cool to regret,

even though I ended up sleeping really late.

And the next day there was SJAB and shit.

School sucks like that.

I still have the Les Amis menu in Mumther's car, if I'm not wrong.

Constantly forgetting to take it out! D<

I need to steal the photos from Jean and post them up too.

I think out of all the dinners,

(three; Les Amis, Tatsu, Taste Paradise)

the one at Les Amis was the best.

I loooooved the French cuisine,

even though I didn't know what I was eating half the time.

It was just so enjoyable there,

even though it was awkward with me in my uniform,

and not knowing half a shit about fine dining.

That part was annoying and crap,

but the food was wonderful! :D

I liked the bread there too,

and their butter.

Everything was just so cute and fascinating!

The eating at Tatsu was the easiest,

not as fancy as the other two,

but the food wasn't much to my taste.

Today's dinner was pretty good,

but I got full really early.

I think I'm gonna gain 5kg every time we eat out with him. ><

I managed to buy my sheep too!

Technically, they call it a lamb,

but its a sheep to me!

His name is Dudu now.

Wanted to call him just Sheep,

but the tag on his ear (Missy Lambster? o.O) said Little Dudu.

So he has become Xiao Dudu. :D

Xiaobai's younger brother!

This is like China and his siblings all over again.

(WHEN DOES SHINATTY-CHAN APPEAR IN THE ANIME?)

We also visited some tea shop,

TWG TEA at Ion too.

Because the Fartsy didn't go,

Boss and Fiona (his assistant, not to be mistaken with tuition-Fiona)

bought macarons for her.

2 of each for 8 flavours.

18 macarons = $38.

Same price I paid for Xiao Dudu.

DUDU WAS NOT CHEAP. SHIET.

No X'mas presents. T_T

But I've been wanting to collect a sheep for a long time now.

My next target is a large, half-human size doll.

My collecting hobby is officially collecting cute plushies.

I think I'll commission a China plushie from the Hetalia comm,

once I save enough money for that kind of shit.

In the mean time, I need to settle for paper craft. ;D

Still don't know about AFA.

Michi might be borrowing my PoT suit,

from the previous cosplay event at Downtown East.

Sorry, but I can't remember the event name.

Met Mapple there too,

when I was eating with Sableena.

Don't know if I posted about it previously.

Michi'll be going as Ryoma Echizen,

if she can't go as the original character she wanted to play.

TO BE CHINA OR NOT TO BE CHINA.

That is the question.

I might just end up going as China in Chinese clothes.

Anyway, insert intermission here for me to shower.

Okay! Smell like the flowers in heaven now!

My face is getting better!

The Quick and Clean pimple gel is good. :Db

Probably not as awesome as Hillary's pimple patch,

but quite efficient too.

AND OH YEAH.

We were rushing back from Hougang Mall NTUC just now,

because we had to meet Boss in Ion at about 1830-1930,

so Jean was pushing the whole trolley full of about a week's worth of groceries,

then she accidentally ran into a man in front of her,

scrapping the back of his ankles.

She apologized and everything,

but the uncle was really... :/

"Oww, ouch, uhh... oww..."

I have to say,

that's very unmanly.

When I get run over by Fartsy (almost always),

I just go, "Tssssssk. Oi!"

Which is okay because Fartsy is my beloved sister,

but I don't whine and go "oww, ouch, uhh... oww..."

I get over in the next 2 seconds and limp off to buy something shiny that attracted me. :D

And even though she apologized,

he told his wife, or his female companion,

"That stupid girl ah..."

Then I was rushed off to the car.

Umm... hello,

she didn't entirely run over you,

she just scrapped the back of your ankle by ACCIDENT,

and she apologized to you.

We were in a rush.

That doesn't justify her doing that,

but she apologized.

Can't you just be a little gracious?

Either way, I'm sorry, to whoever you are, that my sister scrapped your ankle.

You weren't wearing socks and your pants didn't cover your ankle,

so it was a direct hit.

I. Am. Sorry.

Sincerely.

Even though your reaction was too exaggerated,

but I know we were in the wrong too.

And Jean should stop picking fights.

She's telling me not to be opinionated when it doesn't hurt people,

but she scraps ankles, apologizes in an insincere manner,

then she rolls her eyes at the person.

Honestly,

she's just looking for someone to punch her or something (sometimes).

Read my old blog.

I'm retarded.

Okay, actually I think if I read through the 60+ previous posts,

I'll realize I'm damn emo and retarded too.

Okay. Read through my entire old blog.

It's super short.

About less than 20 entries.

Finished everything in about 15 minutes.

OMG IT'S 0100.

I NEED TO GO AND SLEEP.

Good grief. D:

Gute nacht, jeder.

★,
Julle 줄레

Resistance

2009-10-23T21:21:00.002+08:00

'Prussia will occupy your vital regions.' D<

- from some random LJ icon,

which I decided not to post,

because I have no idea who to credit,

but Gilbert looks adorable in the icon!

Cheryl recommended the Anime Festival Asia (AFA),

for Hillary and I to cosplay Hetalia,

so I'm looking forward to it,

but I'm kind of worried about the price of the costumes,

and that kind of thing.

Mumther probably won't approve,

but I really just wanna go to see the cosplay stuff. :D

Hillary wants to go as UK/Arthur Kirkland,

and I kind of wanna go as China/Wang Yao.

Mainly because we have similar hair,

black, long and fringe.

Although we have different kinds of fringe.

But still, MOST SIMILAR HAIRSTYLE.

I was tempted to go as Japan,

but that meant cutting hair,

which is definitely a big no-no,

and getting bangs. D:

I'm still unsure whether to go just as a spectator,

or a very, very poor cosplayer.

I'm not really into this cosplaying thing,

more fascinated to just watch.

Anyway, went to Peranakan Museum today,

took loads of pictures with Hillary,

but I'm too lazy to upload them right now.

About to wash off my clay mask in a few minutes.

I'm kind of really, really bored these days,

school isn't that bad,

now that I think of it. :/

It gives me something to do,

being bored and lazing around isn't fun anymore.

I should also start doing Tiffany's routine,

I want nice and toned legs like hers!

>_> Honey thighs. D:

I should figure out how Jessica gets her S-line too.

-makes note to find the SK video-

Hmm... Xiaxue didn't post anything interesting,

so yeah, nothing much to entertain.

MKMF also became MAMA.

ROFLOL.

Will not mention anything.

ALSO!

Cannot unsee blonde armpits.

OMO Y.

Why would anyone draw AxisPuffs?

And Germany as Blossom, no less.

THE PINK, THE RIPPLING MUSCLES,

but most of all,

THE BLONDE ARMPIT HAIR. D:<

-inserts intermission here-

Okay, went to rinse off the clay mask.

Then did the usual routine,

I put on some pimple gel today.

My pimples are starting to annoy me. :/

I want a smooth flawless face!

Even if its like Bae Yongjoon I don't mind.

Why do Koreans have such nice complexions?!

I hate the weather here only because of that,

and also because we get tanned so easily. :(

Anyway,

tuition tomorrow at 1015!

Afterwards hanging with Shir,

to help her with English and all.

Her 'O' level English is on Monday!

OMG! SO SCARY!

If it were me, I'd be panicking like hell.

Even if it was my previous best subject,

although I think I'm more pro at Literature and History now. :D

Even though I don't top or anything,

but Literature was the only subject this year I always got A for,

I think.

It's pretty late now, 2318,

so I'll best be going to sleep now!

Goodnight!

잘자!

Oyasumi! ;D

★,
Julle 줄레

Rainbow

2009-10-22T22:39:00.002+08:00

Can't respect Choi Jin-shil.

Can't respect people who commit suicide.

Because its only easy for you,

and everyone else suffers after for you.

Wonder how Nair and JG see people who commit suicide,

is it reasonable for them to take their own lives?

Or do I still look irresponsible next to them?

Personally, I feel,

living is a responsibility in itself,

the fact that I haven't taken my life already,

makes me pretty damn fucking responsible.

Thanks very much. :/

Please go look at the suicide statistics,

see how many of those people,

were considered responsible and wonderful in life,

and tell me,

am I more responsible or what? :D

Or actually, no or what.

I am more responsible!

Only fucking cowards commit suicide.

On a whole 'nother different thought,

why can't I be opinionated?

Is it very wrong to have a strong opinion?

What is this bullshittery?

One sister tells me to stand by my morals, values,

don't be like Junsu (so easily persuaded),

the other tells me not to have such a strong opinion.

What's wrong with declaring that DBSK is better than most other bands?

It's not like I'm saying the others are bad,

I'm merely stating that I think DBSK is better.

Is that very wrong?

Does that hurt a lot of people?

Does that kill them?

What's wrong with being opinionated?

Then the same sister,

who tells me not to be so opinionated,

always whines and complains,

when I have a hard time making decisions.

"Make your own decisions,

we can't always be there to help you, you know?"

THEN LET ME BE FUCKING OPINIONATED, SHITHEAD.

Honestly! Family is so stupid sometimes!

I mean, yeah, everyone is human and shit,

but get your fucking facts right.

Haven't eaten much the whole day.

Ate half a vanilla roll in the morning,

a plate of chicken rice for recess,

a bit more chicken rice for lunch,

(like a few mouths and I gave up)

then no dinner.

Just a cup of 100 Plus.

Ate some seaweed and seaweed chips to give my stomach something to digest.

Don't want to be getting stomach aches over stupid shit again, right?

Right.

Where the fuck is my mother?

★,
Julle 줄레

Stand by U (always)

2009-10-22T18:26:00.002+08:00

I have to say,

with all bias whatsoever,

this is one of the best bands ever.

While I admire Epik High,

while I think Radiohead is pretty cool,

while there are various artists everywhere with catchy music,

at the end of the day,

it will always be TVXQ!

My five beloved, talented 'gods' of the East.

While I don't worship them as 'gods',

I really have to thank God for having brought such wonderful people into being,

they must be angels,

because it's unbelievable.

They have gorgeous voices,

their dance skills are pretty damn awesome,

and I truly believe they are good people.

And when I say good people, I meant humans.

I believe they don't go around sabotaging people,

they don't backstab and they don't hurt others on purpose.

They don't have to climb the corporate ladder,

they don't trample on others to get to where they did.

They worked hard and relied on themselves and each other,

they sacrificed to get to where they are today,

and now they're fighting for freedom.

They don't bully their fans,

although many try to mar their image with rumours,

with false accusations and over analysis.

I'm so glad that our boys have been so strong,

I'm so glad that they never gave up once in their training,

they never left their dreams behind,

I want to be as hardworking as them,

I want my passion for writing to be aflame again,

I don't want to leave behind everything.

I don't want it to become a chore.

I had to post this one,

because the lyrics really touched me.

This one seems to be really expertly translated,

instead of loosely and somewhat inaccurately by others.

It's not your fault that those hands are cold,

carrying the scar from your childhood.

Are you afraid to love someone?

Turning your back from the true meaning of the words.

The heart that has been embraced slowly starts to thaw like ice.

In this world anyone shines one's life to be loved by someone,

if it were me,

I would warm your heart again

with the everlasting tenderness.

Even if it is the mischief of fate,

even if it causes you heartache,

Ahead of your tears

A single ray of light will descend into the darkness

We'll realize

The more people suffer,

the more people feel each other's warmth

Anyone carries sadness and loneliness

searching for the place to be healed

So for you that place is right here

Don't be afraid

Don't hesitate anymore

I'll protect you

The more heart-rending (my heart)

The more beautiful love is (Don't be afraid)

The more short lived (let you know my love)

The lovelier this moment is (You know, let you know my love)

In this world anyone shines one's life to be loved by someone,

if it were me,

I would warm your heart again,

with everlasting tenderness

오빠들, 감사합니다

Because, like you promised,

you protected me all this while.

This is probably a blur of emotion.

This is probably incoherent.

They may be some gay boyband to you,

they may be a bunch of guys you think are just... guys,

but to me,

they are the ones who have held onto my hand when no one else would.

They are the angels that God sent me,

to carry me as I am broken and unable to move.

They may not ever know who I am,

but it is enough that they have done so much for me.

동방신기의 오빠들이, 정말고맙슴니다

오빠들이, 사랑해

파이팅!

★,
Julle 줄레

Crazy

2009-10-21T11:39:00.002+08:00

I was disappointed too,

don't act like I wasn't.

It felt as if I'd fallen from an infinite amount of stories high,

My English,

that had always gotten As,

that had been always so good.

It'd fallen to a B now.

And you keep fucking rubbing it into my face.

Now you want to go crazy just like he did.

Go crazy then.

Go, because I don't want to stop you.

I'm much too tired,

too hurt,

too disappointed,

too upset with myself,

to bother about you.

And it wasn't just English,

Geography, for which I worked so hard,

I failed to get an A,

you... you wouldn't understand.

You wouldn't understand this anger,

this feeling of wanting to rip your heart out.

Just because you disappointed yourself.

For Chinese that I knew I'd do badly in,

I'd been wishing for some strange miracle,

so that I would be able to do well.

While it hadn't been so bad,

it still hurt to have a B printed anywhere on my record.

Then I got an A1 for Literature and History,

and I was soaring so happily,

a relief from the gloom of the other subjects,

but you just wouldn't be happy.

Just couldn't think of these two subjects that I'd always been strong at.

There were my true strengths that had not collapsed under your pressure,

even if they had fallen from their original quality.

They had escaped your crushing expectations of me.

They'd escaped my own unrealistic desires of myself,

which all of you had implanted in me!

I can vaguely remember my other subjects,

I failed my Home Economics theory,

but thanks to my practical,

I'd managed to scrap a C5 for that,

and I think my Art went along the same route,

or I probably got a D7 for that.

For my Sciences, I think I might have managed an A,

I don't know anymore,

because all those other imperfections,

they swarmed in my head.

Made it so hard to focus on the good things,

because all of you.

I had been most upset of disappointing all of you,

but I'd hoped all of you would understand,

would understand that you'd all just pushed me too hard.

But no.

You guys didn't understand,

not like how I wished you all would.

I'd relied on you,

my family,

to provide me support,

when everything had crushed into dust beneath me.

But you guys were adding simply more weight.

I had to run.

Had to run from all of you,

to find comfort,

to find a semblance of support from strangers.

People I didn't even know well.

I don't know which disappointment was greater.

★,
Julle 줄레

Beauty

2009-10-19T23:41:00.002+08:00

Went to Face Shop just now to buy new face stuff,

because the ones I bought previously ran out.

Bought a new range of stuff,

because I figured I had some allergy to the green bottle range.

Can't remember the frickin' name. :/

Okay, green bottle range = Quick and Clean.

I think I might have screwed its name up previously. :D

New range is called Eco Vert,

even though I'm still using the Quick and Clean cleanser.

Bought different toner, moisturiser and some serum shit.

I also bought two facial mask thingers with Jean.

We got some free post acne crap,

plus I got my Face Shop membership card.

We spent a whopping two hundred plus for all our stuff,

including Jean's face wash and two nail polish things.

I can definitely feel the difference before and after the use.

The mask did brilliant wonders to clear up the cloggyness of my face.

The dirt feels like its really been gotten rid of.

The Eco Vert products made my face really soft and smooth,

I feel like its smoother than a baby's butt! D:

Will report more on the Eco Vert range's effects,

just to mark it down,

and for the interest of whoever actually reads this blog.

DIE PIMPLES DIE.

And also. DIE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT DIE.

It's not like it reduces the numbers of lians and butches we have anyway.

Pft. :/

I'm so happy that my face feels good now!

A lot better than the past few days anyway. :D

Spending money to make your face glamourous is fun,

and really, really worth it too.

I RECOMMEND THE FACE SHOP, BITCHES. <3

★,
Julle 줄레

Chocolate Love (electro pop)

2009-10-18T15:50:00.002+08:00

You trust me,

I trust you,

but quietly,

do we harbour secrets?

Do we harbour questions?

Do we hide?

I got you babe,

I call, I call it chocolate.

Sweet, sweet chocolate love.

Let's not speak in tongues,

let's be honest,

I don't want to keep doubting,

don't want to wonder,

wonder if you doubt me too.

★,
Julle 줄레

Ring Ding Dong

2009-10-17T04:12:00.002+08:00

This has to be the next best thing to DBSK.

If they have to succeed Kpop's biggest and best band next to H.O.T,

I'll be glad its SHINee instead of anyone else.

Despite their slave driving contracts,

SM, in my opinion, still produces the best bands in Korea.

While 2PM and the others are great too,

but I can't help but feel that SHINee stands out,

in terms of music and stage presence.

Who else can make a song, with such a retarded song title, mind, so fantastic?

(Just had to add in that little pun there. ;D)

Love the music video because of the wings.

Minho is seriously irresistible.

I find myself wishing I could stay with Shirlynn right now,

despite the fact that I have a gorgeous house now,

with my own room and its drop dead beautiful.

This house is warm and yet so cold,

I feel like nothing has been left behind.

Merely hidden behind all the gorgeous carpets,

the ones that line the matte parquet floors.

They are carved into the worn lines of the antiques,

aged and irremovable,

like a memory you can't help but always remember.

It's not just a stain you can wash off,

nor a hole in a ground you can fill up and patch up.

What is wrong was never with the house,

but merely with us.

I wonder if they feel the same chill that consumes me,

worse than the freezing air conditioning that numbs me entirely.

we wanna go rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka so fantastic

go rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka so elastic

fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic

elastic elastic elastic elastic

★,
Julle 줄레

Leopard Preens Steel

2009-10-14T21:12:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=5F74FZfdSJY&fromurl=/watch%3Fv%3D5F74FZfdSJY

Half you fuckers commenting on the video,

watch your own English before you criticize hers.

You guys are the disgrace.

At least she made the effort.

And Singapore doesn't need people like you who abandon them at every little fickle thing.

We have much more talented and better looking foreigners trying their best to be PR,

or to get official citizenship.

If you leave Singapore officially,

what makes you think any other country will take you in?

Just had to note one,

do you think you're very 'interlectual'?

Also, yeah, people will have the bad impression that we're 'ineducated' Chinese.

Don't make me laugh.

Ris Low isn't right here,

but neither is she wrong,

speaking the English that she learnt from school,

and the English that most people on the streets use.

If everyone had perfect English in Singapore,

I doubt Ris Low would be speaking as she does.

Unless she's seriously mentally retarded,

which seems highly unlikely because she's in polytechnic, assumingly.

All the people bashing Ris Low are merely boosting their own egos.

You guys want to believe you're not like her at all.

You guys want to believe that you won't be a laughing stock in public.

You guys also want to believe that you're superior to someone like her.

You guys want to believe you are worthy of the Miss Singapore World title,

or something of the relevant importance and significance.

Either way, I feel disappointed that everyone is against Ris Low for this matter,

and no one stretched a hand out to offer to help her,

not in merely lip service,

but to help her correct her English and allow her to improve.

How is Ris Low going to get any better with merely the criticism?

I doubt telling her that her English is poor will help her suddenly speak accurate standard English.

I admit that I don't speak perfect standard English either.

I am also not defending Ris Low for her poor English,

which was almost painful to listen to.

However, I am merely stating my opinion on this matter.

★,
Julle 줄레

Beating Hard

2009-09-29T18:58:00.002+08:00

Currently listening to Wannabe,

and I'm gonna go shower now.

I need to stop slacking. :/ ;_;

Back from the shower and about an hour's nap.

I'm so damn exhausted.

Need to hurry and finish my work and go to fucking sleep.

I had so much to say,

but the words keep slipping out of my mind,

keep slipping out of sight.

And I'm so tired.

★,
Julle 줄레

Fear(less)

2009-09-28T00:20:00.003+08:00

I think the thing I'm most afraid of,

is losing any of my senses.

I don't want to go deaf,

I don't want to go blind,

I want to be able to smell,

I want to be able to taste,

I want to be able to feel.

I want to be able to control myself,

but it feels like I'm losing everything.

I'm horrible.

let's burn together, forever

so that i won't be alone

★,
Julle 줄레

LA chA TA

2009-09-27T17:50:00.002+08:00

The f(x) girls seem to be really improving from their debut!

I think Luna has a really strong and solid voice,

which really does sound better with every performance.

I think the two better dancers in the group would be Victoria and Krystal,

even though Victoria doesn't get a big role in the song.

Sulli's voice has improved a lot since the initial performances too,

she used to sound a little breathless,

but she has great stage presence with her constant smiles.

Her expressions are always really good. :D

Amber on the other hand though,

doesn't really seem to be aware of the camera on her,

and smiles only when her part is up.

The rest seem to be good at keeping up with the expressions,

and constantly conscious of the camera on them,

but Amber doesn't smile when she's not doing her parts,

and a little often than not,

that has been caught.

Hope she'll continue working on her expressions,

but her rap is smooth as always.

I wonder if she did the variations herself,

or was instructed by their choreographer/trainer,

but she seems more comfortable on stage now.

I still keep forgetting that she's a... she sometimes.

★,
Julle 줄레

a diabolic waltz

2009-09-27T02:00:00.002+08:00

Currently hit the first big mark on my blog!

The 50th post! :D

I don't think I've kept a blog for so long.

Or at least one blog anyway.

I have many various blogs,

which accumulate to over hundreds of posts,

but I'm quite sure this is the first blog I have that hit such a high post count.

I'm not a big blogger,

but it's nice to celebrate something like this~

Yesterday (technically), was Kenneth's birthday,

so we were at his house until today (once again, technically).

It wasn't a very fun party at all,

because his friends were around,

Kiven's friends were around,

and it felt really awkward all around for me.

I'm not the kind of person to walk up to someone and go,

"Hey, what's up?"

Not even to friends of my cousins.

I don't even do that to my own classmates.

It felt highly uncomfortable,

so I spent most of my time in the kitchen,

where they kept out of.

Still, there were instances of them being in the kitchen,

for a little longer than I would have liked.

But I guess I shouldn't be so misanthropic.

I need to become friendlier!

Or maybe not, since it kind of sucks.

Being friendly means people expect you to care,

all the time, right?

Well, I don't understand other humans,

so forgive me if my perception of things are archaic and wrong.

Sometimes I feel like I was born at the wrong time. :/

I feel like I should be part of my mom's generation.

On a different note,

I noticed my cousins took on characteristics of the zodiac they are.

Or at least, those whose zodiacs I do know.

Michelle and Jerome are as fair-complexioned and cute as rabbits. :D

Jean (although she's my sister) has qualities of the dragon,

magical, strong and a good source of protection,

also very feisty and fiercely hot.

Jane is swift like a horse,

compared to me anyway,

and she works efficiently too.

(I do think horses work efficiently)

I think I resemble a pig most in looks.

Very pink and very fat.

Isn't that just freaking wonderful?

I'll take a picture of my outfit today,

hopefully I'll find the balls to put it up,

but until then, guess how I look today! :D

I'm wearing a neon yellow tank and a black skirt.

It's really comfortable and soft!

Australians have good fashion,

material-wise.

I managed to study a chapter of Geography (land supply yo),

so I hope to finish the other three chapters tomorrow.

I need to check out my exam timetable and start planning how to study.

I'm really scared for all my subjects!

And I have to finish my mask by tomorrow. Fisheeeeeeeeees.

Goodnight!

★,
Julle 줄레

U Wanna Wanna Wannabe

2009-09-25T20:35:00.002+08:00

Next post hits the big five-oh!
I'm so glad that I made it through the week.
But I'm so afraid now.
The exams are starting next week.
Next week is also our last week of lessons as secondary two students.
Feels like only yesterday that I enrolled into CHIJ SJC as a 13-year-old.
Next year I'm gonna hit 15 and I'm starting to feel old!

I'm kind of dreading secondary three,
what with the double maths and all.
And it brings me another year closer to my 'O's.
Unlike some of my seniors,
I do care about my grades a lot and I've already started prepping for the last sprint,
figuratively.

I'm kind of glad to be dropping two subjects though,
Art for one has never been my forte.
And I wasn't a big fan of cooking or making stuff (MR SENG!)

Currently collecting logs on Country Story,
and stones. I need some corn too.
Please donate some corn to me, everyone!
Also, I need a bunch of friends more on Country Story,
would be nice if my flist started playing! ;D
I just added Vani onto my flist. Yaaaaay first Indian. <3
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not being particularly racist.
I'm just saying that she's an Indian,
because its a fact like how I'm Chinese.
It's not discriminating.
It's effective categorizing and provision of information.

Now you know Vani is an Indian, amirite? xD
Honestly, why do the Indians get so offended?
It's not like I'm saying the 'smelly' Indians or anything,
I'm just addressing you guys as you are,
the... Indians.
You guys can call me the Chinese bitch if you want.
I don't mind and I don't think its very racist.
Being very racist would be say...
"You know, all Malays are so fugly."
Which is not true,
because plenty of the pretty girls I know are Malay.
Or it could be like saying...
"All Chinese girls are so ah lian!"
Which is not true also,
because I'm not very lian, am I?
I do know of a few number of girls who are,
-coughsnataliecoughs-
but that's just racist.
See?

I'm wearing the rainbow coloured shirt Jean bought from Perth!
It's so gorgeous really,
I'm not a big fan of fashion and I have no sense for it,
but this shirt really makes me feel good wearing it.
And it's just so bright and beautiful!

Waiwai called me cute just now too.
"Baby, baby! :D So cute!"
I feel so flattered,
because she's the one who's totally adorable,
but she called me cute instead.
-shameless-

Also! I noticed that my hair is really growing very long,
so much so that its annoying me at my neck already!
Even if I tie it up really high as usual.
I'm proud of my hair for growing out so well,
but the weather here is unforgiving for such a hairstyle.
But I'm not cutting any of these long locks!
It took me such a long time to get them this long!
Jean's Asience conditioner is doing wonders for my hair,
even though my hair keeps falling out like crazy.
It feels really thin when its not tied up,
but once the ponytail is up,
my hair feels like a thick bush. D:

Hmm...
Can't wait for next Friday.
But I hate it all the same.
English end of years but the big move!
I've been waiting for this for two years!
It's finally time for my dream to come true,
and I love the solid bright colours of it.
Can you guess what it is?

Anticipating tomorrow too,
it's Kenneth's birthday so we're going to Oppa's!
There's tuition at 10:15 in the morning though,
I have to finish up that mensuration question.
(Tell me honestly, who read it as menstruation?)

I think I should take more pictures too.
I'm not exactly drop dead gorgeous,
including the fact that I have horrendous pimples,
but I think I'm getting prettier.
I also think that it'll encourage me to care for my skin better.
And I'll have more memories.

don't let me forget,
show me your true beauty,
the one unhidden by your mask

★,
Julle 줄레

Liquid Fire

2009-09-24T21:34:00.002+08:00

Well, I did mention needing a new layout.

Because as classy as simple may be,

I'm looking for something a little more me.

Or the current me anyway.

The one obsessed with Kuroshitsuji,

and worried for her examination results,

because I have to get 'A's for everything.

I should be studying right now,

but I just wanted to make an honorary post,

for the new layout.

I changed the icon that the original layout maker put up.

It used to feature Sebastian,

but now its Vincent Phantomhive.

The resemblance is simply uncanny.

I once read a fanfic after finishing the series,

that Sebastian had dived into Ciel's mind,

to figure out what form he should take.

He saw Vincent and thus took on a similar form.

Now that I think about it,

the mangaka did draw them quite alike!

Or maybe its just her style of drawing grown men in the Victorian Era.

Sebastian is gorgeous though.

If only he existed.

Think his name might be based of Sebastien Michaelis though.

Go figure.

i'll burn under this liquid fire

★,
Julle 줄레

Beauty Sleep

2009-09-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

I'm going to sleep soon,

after this post.

I feel so energized mentally to study,

but my physical body doesn't have the stamina.

Wish I could drive myself around,

or at least have access to all my shit 24/7.

Or actually,

have access to everything 24/7.

Haven't done my mask yet,

but I'm inspired to do certain things.

Thanks to a few Facebook profiles. ;D

I realized that I'm heavily reliant on facial products now.

THANK YOU KOREA FOR FACE SHOP.

Honestly, I don't think my skin has been in better condition,

sans the pimples of course.

I've had better days with lesser pimples.

I'm sure they'll subside after my period and the exams.

Too much stress. :/

It's bad for me! D:

And the later nights now that school's started.

I wish exams could be delayed a little.

Our school is crazy rushed!

Good luck to Jaebum, Kiven (OMG 'O'S) & those who need it.

Let's all work hard together!

Aja aja hwaiting!

★,
Julle 줄레

let me make all your dreams and wishes come true

Layout

2009-09-22T00:11:00.001+08:00

P.S: NEED NEW LAYOUT. D<

★,
Julle 줄레

Kuroshitsuji

2009-09-22T00:05:00.002+08:00

Hmm... how about a Kuroshitsuji theme for my mask?

I think I want to do it Sebastian Michaelis style, yup,

so black feathers and lots of black and red.

Some splashes of white.

And maybe a little bit of silver.

But probably plenty of red and black,

after all, those are his trademark colours, yes?

Which I hadn't cut off the lips bit,

would have enjoyed doing his smirk.

Oh well, too late.

I'm quite pleased with the shape of my mask currently,

so I just need to start work. ;D

Anyone know where I can buy black feathers?

Cannot stop loving Kuroshitsuji,

I'm about to die from my lack of money.

I need to work or something.

To fund my DBSK and current Kuroshitsuji fandom.

I really want the Black Tea Party anthology very badly now.

DAMN LIFE.

Maybe I should pick up tutoring next year... hmm...

Or I should just go die and reincarnate into Ciel Phantomhive. :/

Am very tempted to lose 15kg (impossible) to cosplay Ciel.

I do fit the height bill, if I'm not mistaken.

I also need to work on the complexion,

if I'm going to be serious about this shit.

But cosplay clothes are either expensive,

or really hard to make.

DAMN LIFE (as usual).

Lacrimosa is so much love,

like Sebz. <3

★,
Julle 줄레

I'm Alive

2009-09-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

Can't wait for Season 2 of Kuroshitsuji,

I wonder what it'll be about,

I read an article speculating about its content.

It seems rather reasonable and interesting.

I really want to know about Kuroshitsuji 2 badly.

Did Sebastian really 'eat' Ciel? :/

And I really want to know more about Ciel and Sebastian's past.

Plus what Grell Sutcliffe said about his dead parents.

Him being Sebastian Michaelis.

I WANTED TO SEE HIS DEMONIC FORM. D<

Damn. :/

Think Lacrimosa has become one of my favourite songs from the anime too.

I think I love three of the main songs,

the opening and the two endings.

Aww man. I miss the anime already!

It was such a great run!

Why does the new one only come out in January 2010?

Plus the fact that subbing usually occurs very slowly.

I WISH I WAS JAPANESE. ;_;

Love this fucking anime.

★,
Julle 줄레

Forever

2009-09-19T20:10:00.002+08:00

I want to stay by your side,

no matter how long it may be.

I chose to stand by you,

because anyone else would be insufficient,

I love you for who you are,

and life without you is unbearable.

You are the best thing in my life.

★,
Julle 줄레

Good Girls Sleep Early

2009-09-17T22:19:00.002+08:00

Good girls sleep early!

Recently I've been sleeping early,

because I get tired easier.

I'm too lazy to stay up anymore,

and sleeping early is so much easier,

I feel more satisfied too.

I wanna sleep now.

But we're talking to Jean online now,

as in me and the Mumther.

"-sastified..." -the Mumther ;D

I love my Mumther! OMG.

Love Jean too.

Love Fart.

OMG LOVE STUFFED TOYS.

Can't wait for Jean to come back!

She bought me a little joey. OMG.

I love stuffed toys like seriously.

I want a big stuffed toy!

I want sheep and seals.

I like fluffy sheeps!

Guh, okay. I want to sleep.

GOOD NIGHT BITCHES. <3

★,
Julle 줄레

Wannabe Black Box

2009-09-16T21:46:00.002+08:00

Started watching the anime for Kuroshitsuji today,

the graphics were brilliant.

Thanks for the relatively HQ upload,

I loved the dark colours of the whole thing.

It really suited what I thought the manga should be coloured like.

Well, better than the few coloured pages I did see in the manga.

Sebastian is beyond cool. Seriously.

I really liked the music for the anime too,

so I searched up on the OST,

I was lucky enough that they finally released it,

but only recently! D:

I think.

Anyway, it's a 3-CD set called The Black Box.

The cover looks absolutely lovely,

if I have the chance I would definitely buy it.

The music is also really, really fabulous.

It has a lot of various different sounds from different countries.

There's a bit of Bollywood Indian style,

then there's European style (I'm not sure, but German and Italian?),

and there's their classic Japanese style.

My favourite song is 人形の館,

even though I dunno how to read it in Japanese.

I only know how to read the curly one (no).

I like the effects in the anime a lot too. :D

It really enhances the anime very well.

Well, I'm no professional at critique,

so I'm just gonna leave my raving at that.

Enjoy The Host, Epik High Style.

★,
Julle 줄레

Pain, pain, pain

2009-09-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

I'm probably finally going to school tomorrow,

I'm actually pretty excited,

even though I'm full of anxiety.

I feel like I got a lot fatter over the holidays,

since I couldn't exercise (bloody stomach flu).

I won't be able to attend PE either.

Not that I'm too bothered by that.

I think Home Econs practical is this week,

so I'm kinda bummed because I didn't get to practice at all.

Oh well, who cares.

It's Home Econs. D:

Every freaking website hates me.

Allkpop, Affxtion Forums and Youtube all aren't functional,

first two won't even load and Youtube betrayed me by going under maintenance.

Woe is me.

But anyway, I have to shower, do my face and sleep.

Or else I'll be bummed in school,

and I might get worse,

which would keep me from school,

which is bad,

because I will fail Science,

and possibly every other subject except English.

Who the hell studies for English anyway?

LA chA LA chA TA TA.

★,
Julle 줄레

Colours and Melody~

2009-09-11T22:54:00.002+08:00

오늘 기분 진짜 좋다

왜 그래요?

몰라서!

Today, my mood is really good.

Why is that so?

I don't know!

Even though my stomach still hurts,

my mood has lifted up from before.

I felt kind of miserable in the morning.

I feel like studying~

I'm in the mood for it.

★,
Julle 줄레