|
|
|
|
Tuesday, February 9, 2010 even though I want to be strong, all I want to do right now is curl up into a ball, because it always feels like nothing is ever right, even when there's nothing wrong. I always end up doing something wrong and humans are supposed to make mistakes, but I hate this never-endingly flawed side of me. Why do I constantly harbour on this anyway? I should look on the bright side and smile, that's how I can be strong, but I keep looking at this infinite pool of darkness that I seem to be always immersed in and I feel stupid. I keep hurting people but I don't want that, I want it to stop. I keep breaking expectations, I fall below them and I disappoint. I don't want that either. I want to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, the perfect person. But I can't be. I'm not even close to being perfect. I'm sensitive when it comes to matters about me, but when its about someone else, somehow, I'm always so ignorant and I end up doing the same thing I always do. I need to stop thinking about myself and start to consider the feelings of others too. I'm a selfish bitch, I really am. Sometimes, I wished I was mute so I could reduce the amount of hurt I cause to others and I know shutting up would do a lot. I keep thinking of the same thoughts and the cycle keeps repeating and it's honestly pissing me off. I need to get off my lazing ass and do something about this. But no matter how much I try to convince myself, it's always so damned half-hearted. I'm waiting for some miracle to happen. I need one, really badly, right now. Julle 주월 11:40 PM
|