I just had to post these lyrics to 2PM's 'Tired of Waiting' from their first full-length album, 1:59PM. I highlighted the bit of the song that made me want to post up the translations and possibly a clip of the song (at the end, maybe, if I'm not too pooped). It really stood out to me, because even though its only the first week of lessons, it is really hard and I'm really tired. Not being able to do some Add. Maths questions make me feel sick in the stomach and not understanding all the Physics concepts scare me. I feel like if I can't absorb everything at once, I will lose my footing in the next step and end up spiraling towards failure. I have time, in comparison to my seniors, I can still revise, but I look at this mountain before me and I already feel shrunken and afraid. Is it even possible for me to grasp all these and apply them in the examinations?

Still, somewhere at the back of my mind, I think of how hard it must have been for TVXQ! to first audition and be selected for SM, then trained for so many years without a tangible promise that they would debut and then finally debuting and being faced with such a tough life even as they realized their dreams. And they haven't given up yet. Even with this lawsuit, they are still fighting on and I feel weak and ashamed. But I am really improving by leaps and bounds. I haven't been absent for any days of the week, even though I have felt almost too tired (plenty of times). I've been trying to complete my homework on time and succeeding so far. I haven't broken any deadlines so far but I'm scared beyond reason. The jagged edges of those mental eggshells still dig into my skin and I haven't yet fallen into routine.

But I can do this. I'm very sure I can. If I cannot, then I'll make it happen. Even if its not within my power, I will force myself through this. Nothing is impossible.

On a lighter note, I took a mental break today and tried not to stress myself out with homework and studying (although I've yet to begin and this increases my guilt). I went out with Melizzy and Nat to Heartland Mall@Kovan for Pizza Hut then we went to Popular! To become Popular! Okay, lame, I know, but I think this is what all that mental stress does to you. Anyway, I bought hardcover ring files for English, History and my two Maths. Even though I didn't actually need a Math file, but I feel like I should have them to file my work and notes. I bought red for English as required, then light and navy blue for both Maths and silver grey for History that Nat actually wanted. She said it was "chio" and she wanted it, although she didn't have a subject to use it for so I dissuaded her from it. Then I ended up buying it. LOL.

I also finally bought my cheap 40-cent green pens. After Popular we headed to Frolicks, but there weren't any available seats inside and the chairs outside were too shaky so we decided to head over to The Dessert Bowl instead (you can angry at anyone except boss!). Melizzy ordered jackfruit sago, Nat had strawberry crepe and I had strawberry ice. Mine was delicious (although not greatly tantalizing or anything, it was just enjoyable) and it mainly consisted of vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries + strawberry sauce + bubble tea pearls as toppings. After dessert we basically just hung around the place and occupied one table to talk and we camwhored. Which was inevitable because Nat carries a camera around, Melizzy likes pictures and I am just so compliant like that. Lol.

In the end I succumbed to the guilt of not doing anything relevant to studies for a few hours and demanded we be more productive. I eventually stole Melizzy's E. Maths book and did a bunch of questions. Then she had to go. :/ So it was left with Nat and I after a while, but then her mom came to pick her and they dropped me off at home. :D Thanks Nat and Nat's mom! Saved me 15 minutes of trying to get home without being ambushed by birds left, right and centre.

Now I'm gonna go complete those Maths questions I didn't manage to and maybe revise some Physics and do tuition work after finishing schoolwork. I have a write-up on Little India to complete and I wish we didn't have to do places of interest in Singapore. I'm not particularly inclined to do a factual recount of sorts (well, I never liked that text type) and I have shady memory of Little India. I might decide to go there tomorrow to refresh my memory, but I don't have anyone to accompany me. Or maybe Chinatown. Since I'm Chinese it should be easier, right? :/ Oh woe is me. Maybe I should do housing in Little India (past and present), continue to a little cultural information and then actually start to introduce Little India. I don't know, word limit is 250-500. I don't know if I'll have enough and at the same time, I might have too much. All I can think about is temples, pottu, henna and cuisine.

Hmm... maybe I was stupid for not taking Literature.

★,
Julle 주월