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Sunday, November 15, 2009 I guess its okay without me, you... don't really need me do you? I have a feeling... that this was already over. The formalities are... unnecessary right? I'm so tired, of what I'm not so sure anymore. This life is suddenly so hard, and for some crazy reason, I feel so incredibly alone right now. Even with all those people around me, even with all those screaming voices, all of a sudden, I might die from this extreme loneliness. 내가 죽어도 몰라 Excuse me for the broken Korean. Everyone has someone else, I'm... not required. Who needs me? I'm quite sure no one does. If anything, I'm most jealous of those girls, because insecure moments like these are scarce. Most people, aren't constantly afraid like this, or am I just trying to convince myself that I'm special? Today, it feels like if I accidentally suffocated and died, no one might have noticed. Not until it was too late. And today, everything that goes wrong feels like its my fault. Everything annoys and irritates me today. I don't know what to do, just thinking so much is ripping me apart. Today, it feels like sleeping till I die, is the best course of action. But I can't do it. I still don't want to give everything up, I want to be able to smile again, I don't want to go this way. I have dreams I haven't fulfilled. I haven't met DBSK up close, haven't seen SHINee, 2PM, MBLAQ, and so many others in a live show. I haven't gotten a real, proper boyfriend, haven't had my first kiss. I haven't fallen in love, I haven't gotten married, I still don't have my 7 children. I don't want to give up the warmth of a hug, I don't want to leave my mother behind, with no one to protect her. My sisters, who are all so fragile, I want to continue protecting them. But today I'm really exhausted of it all. But I can't give them up. Don't want to give up the soft feeling of Xiaobai. I don't want to give up. But today it feels like I have to. 오늘 밤에... 내가 죽어 Julle 줄레 12:50 AM
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